I would never suggest a gift for anyone especially family. It would be considered bad manners.

You get what you get and be grateful. Christmas is supposed to be about surprises.

If my sibling sent a list, their kids would get nothing.

My SIL was uncouth. She would ask for gift receipts then return whatever you gave her to the store and buy what she wanted. After a few years, no one bothered to buy her anything. Then she had a breakdown and said we hated her.

LOL, we did but not for that reason.

I buy 3 gift cards to Target/Toys R Us/or whatever for my 3 nieces. That way it's their "own" present and they can spend it as they please and when the want (for example, after the Christmas hoopla dies down)

It seems as if your relationship with your sister is making you read way too much criticism into the situation. Your email reminded her that she should send out lists - she doesn't necessarily think your gifts are crap, unless she's actually told you so, or re-gifted them as soon as they came in the house.

The idea of a wishlist is perfectly acceptable, and sending it early ensures you won't have bought something else already. It's what I do with my parents. Of course, I ask nicely and am properly grateful.

You can send her your kids' wishlists!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe it is your sister's tone that is upsetting you? Otherwise I don't really get the issue. My son is 6, and so is my nephew, but they are just totally different people - DS is kind of a nerdy kid, into science and po

kemon, my nephew is sporty. I always ask my sister what my nephew would like and she asks me what DS would like.

Op here, guilty as charged. It's the "oh you poor thing, let me guide you into an appropriate gift choice since you are so helpless and wrong" that is grating.
Multiplied by 4 years of birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and his most recent panicked reaction to a cute gift that necessitated a long email with gift suggestions in October.

Maybe other people have been able to give/receive gift ideas without the condescending tone and overall ungrateful attitude, but it really stinks to be on the receiving end of this year after year.

I think it's the sending of lists unsolicited that's kind of stinky. Even though OP suggested the gift first.

I love getting kids gifts they want!!! I'd appreciate this.

OP, maybe it is your sister's tone that is upsetting you? Otherwise I don't really get the issue. My son is 6, and so is my nephew, but they are just totally different people - DS is kind of a nerdy kid, into science and pokemon, my nephew is sporty. I always ask my sister what my nephew would like and she asks me what DS would like.

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

You sister is ungrateful. Sorry OP. Gifts are not things we want, but something that is given out of the kindness of your heart. Sometimes you get what you like and sometimes you don't. I would get her kids whatever YOU want to. If they don't like it, that's their problem.

A nice gift card is fine. I also think it would be fine to just choose one gift for each kid from the list and buy them. No need to make a big deal either way.

Anonymous wrote:why is it so bad for her to give you a list of 1. things her kids will want and 2. things they don't have? are you really that bitter that you need to send her a check instead of clicking a link on amazon?

Yes, yes I am. To be told at every event for the past 4 years that my gift ideas are not good enough and be handed a list to shop for her is ridiculous.

why is it so bad for her to give you a list of 1. things her kids will want and 2. things they don't have? are you really that bitter that you need to send her a check instead of clicking a link on amazon?

Anyone need a break from Halloween talk?

I already got an email from my sister with some suggestions on gifts for her kids at Christmas. This was in response to an email link I sent to a cute toy. It was a "look how cute this is" versus a "I'm getting this for your kids" but apparently it was so awful she decided to send out a list before I made such a terrible mistake.

I am just about done with the 4 year tradition of what is essentially me doing her shopping for her, i.e., finding things on her approved list and mailing them to my niece and nephew. Neither of us have money issues and the kicker is that our kids are the same ages, so I am not totally out of the loop on what is a nice gift and my kids enjoy picking them out with me. I have always accepted all gifts and enjoyed them from her without a peep.

I'm looking for the DCUM collective to tell me that a nice gift card is fine.