Family counseling, OP. The issue is family-wide, not just your son. He has learned how he can terrorize you all. I'd be terrorized if anyone smashed glass picture frames with a bat. Who cleans it up? I'm afraid it's you, but I hope not.

I'm also afraid your other children will flee the nest asap to escape the terror. They may find themselves in similar situations, or worse. Your husband is a big part of the problem. Your boy gets that dad thinks his episodes are "no big deal." Hugs, OP. Family therapy asap.

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old son has always been a handful. Moody and impulse control issues. Generally, he's a good kid at school and a very volatile kid at home or in sports. It was bad from 4-8 better 8-11 and -'11-13 getting pretty bad around here. He hit in trouble at school and lied to us about the situation. We defended him to the school who informed us of a far different story. When we discussed very calmly and with empathy after school tonight, he went into a rage. Throwing things, terrible language and insults, took a baseball bat to a few framed pictures in his room , I think he may have peed on the carpet in his bedroom (no joke) than took off with the dog fur half hour. Now sitting in room not talking but not in a rage. How to reach him? We are reasonable good parents, no issues like this with other children. Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. These kinds of episodes happen about once a week sometimes more and can be triggered by fairly minor things ( time to get off the computer and take a shower) etc all advice welcome.

OP- I strongly recommend the you go to the website Empowering Parents. What you mention with the rage and urinating in the carpet points to oppositional defiance disorder. There are techniques that you can employ now. The root of this kind of issue is a deficit in emotional regulation and impulse control. There can be several potential causes.
You may also look at The Explosive Child.
My long term recommendation is that your son needs an evaluation.

Anonymous wrote:I would ask on the special needs board for recs. Do you need a place that takes insurance?

SN parents read the other boards too. Most psychologists/psychiatrists don't take insurance. You can submit after the fact. The OP can look up what's in her specific network.

Also try Rathbone and Associates in Bethesda.

Anonymous wrote:Pp I appreciate your thoughtfulness. How did you come to Dx with your child? What resources dos you use for your own understanding and education? Recommendations? We are in Bethesda. Again, thank you. I'm a bit raw tonight and this was kind of you.

17:44 here.

How did we come to Dx my child? Just like you, things just seemed off. We first consulted with her teachers but they told us she was fine. I knew she wasn't fine. I knew there were bigger problems.

Along with our own observations, we consulted with teachers, the school counselor, the school psychologist, a therapist, another psychologist. Then yet another psychologist who did a battery of tests. We then took all that information and talked to psychiatrist. After we got her diagnosis, everything just seemed to fit- her personality, how she was as an infant, why she's so impulsive, why she's all the time breaking things and not knowing what she just did.

How do we educate ourselves?
I read about ADHD a lot, go to parent seminars. The special needs forum here at DCUM is helpful.
We talk a lot as a family. One person's condition affects everyone and the family dynamic. We all have to be in it together.
It has been so humbling to understand what she goes through. It has made me a more compassionate person. It's difficult at times but understanding her is what gets me going.

Here's the line up of what we do:
Medication
Therapy
Meditation
Physical Exercise
504 plan at school
Lots of learning and practicing Executive Functioning Skills
Validation of feelings.. a lot of "I see why you feel that way"
Lots of hugs and taking the time to talk

It is overwhelming at first but you need to stay strong. You'll find your strength

I can't help with the recommendations in Bethesda though!

I would ask on the special needs board for recs. Do you need a place that takes insurance?

OP,

I'm sure this has been tough on you, but I also imagine your son doesn't want to feel this out of control and angry. I would call either...

Woodmont Psychiatric: http://www.woodmontpsychiatric.com
Ross Center for Anxiety: http://www.rosscenter.com

Anonymous wrote:For us it took finding a good psychologist and psychiatrist that worked TOGETHER. Different, but challenging issues. We turned a corner with the right medication and a trusted relationship DD developed with her therapist. FWIW we had to go through 3 therapists before we found the right fit.

Got it. My husband is gone a lot and will be for work. I feel overwhelmed thinking about handling this "alone" which I will be. He (my husband) also does not deal with counseling, feelings, etc. very well. He honestly only sees a minor problem, where as I know there is something bigger going on and that if we don't start to address it is just going to get worse and potentially scarier in terms of repercussions.

Anonymous wrote:OP, just wanted to drop in a kind word to say I'm rooting for you to find help and just know that you are doing a good job with tough challenges. Please keep reminding your son that you love him and you know he is dealing with really really big emotions and that you're going to keep trying to learn more about how you can help him.

Thank you.

For us it took finding a good psychologist and psychiatrist that worked TOGETHER. Different, but challenging issues. We turned a corner with the right medication and a trusted relationship DD developed with her therapist. FWIW we had to go through 3 therapists before we found the right fit.

OP, just wanted to drop in a kind word to say I'm rooting for you to find help and just know that you are doing a good job with tough challenges. Please keep reminding your son that you love him and you know he is dealing with really really big emotions and that you're going to keep trying to learn more about how you can help him.

Pp I appreciate your thoughtfulness. How did you come to Dx with your child? What resources dos you use for your own understanding and education? Recommendations? We are in Bethesda. Again, thank you. I'm a bit raw tonight and this was kind of you.

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old son has always been a handful. Moody and impulse control issues. Generally, he's a good kid at school and a very volatile kid at home or in sports. It was bad from 4-8 better 8-11 and -'11-13 getting pretty bad around here. He hit in trouble at school and lied to us about the situation. We defended him to the school who informed us of a far different story. When we discussed very calmly and with empathy after school tonight, he went into a rage. Throwing things, terrible language and insults, took a baseball bat to a few framed pictures in his room , I think he may have peed on the carpet in his bedroom (no joke) than took off with the dog fur half hour. Now sitting in room not talking but not in a rage. How to reach him? We are reasonable good parents, no issues like this with other children. Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. These kinds of episodes happen about once a week sometimes more and can be triggered by fairly minor things ( time to get off the computer and take a shower) etc all advice welcome.

Since you already know that he has impulse control issues, that is enough reason to start with at least a psychologist.

You'll need to be more than just a reasonable parent- you'll have to be an informed parent who may need to make adjustments to your parenting style to accommodate your kid. I say this with a lot of sympathy and support for you. I think that the changes I've made with myself as far as my expectations, my style of talking, etc. has made so much improvement with my relationship with my kid. You'll need to first find out what is going on with your kid. Mine has ADHD, anxiety, depression. There is so much that goes in each one of those conditions and it also "alters" their perception of events- which looks like lying on the outside, but they have some other thought process that is going on in there that may not make sense to you at all. It's really complex, you'll need to do a lot of learning to be able to manage and be able to help your kid.

Got in trouble a no hitting involved per above

My 13 year old son has always been a handful. Moody and impulse control issues. Generally, he's a good kid at school and a very volatile kid at home or in sports. It was bad from 4-8 better 8-11 and -'11-13 getting pretty bad around here. He hit in trouble at school and lied to us about the situation. We defended him to the school who informed us of a far different story. When we discussed very calmly and with empathy after school tonight, he went into a rage. Throwing things, terrible language and insults, took a baseball bat to a few framed pictures in his room , I think he may have peed on the carpet in his bedroom (no joke) than took off with the dog fur half hour. Now sitting in room not talking but not in a rage. How to reach him? We are reasonable good parents, no issues like this with other children. Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. These kinds of episodes happen about once a week sometimes more and can be triggered by fairly minor things ( time to get off the computer and take a shower) etc all advice welcome.