Anonymous wrote:I wonder how Hillary Clinton and Jackie O would (or would have) answered this. Just sayin'.

You don't actually think they're role models for motherhood, do you?

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

Yes, the deception is what would give me concern. And depending on whether the kids know about the cheating, I'd be very concerned about the modeling and the moral lesson that is being conveyed.

I wonder how Hillary Clinton and Jackie O would (or would have) answered this. Just sayin'.

Someone once said,"The best thing a man can do for his children is to live their mother." men/women who cheat on spouse also cheat on children by robbing them of family time, money, and emotional well-being.

No. He took money and time away from his children (and his dying mother) to fulfill his own selfish physical needs.

He was not a good father and I question when push comes to shove how much her would really sacrifice for his children. I am sure he would runout of a burning building to save his ass and leave his kids behind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:History is chock a block full of beloved dads who are/were horrible husbands.

l
Quite true.

History until recently has been penned by men. As women, mothers and wives become historians, I don't think you'll see this binary view of husbands and fathers much longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:History is chock a block full of beloved dads who are/were horrible husbands.

l
Quite true.

Beloved is different from good. I know some adults who worshipped terrible narcissistic fathers while they were growing up, and then paid the emotional price as adults.

A huge part of being a good parent is being a good role model, and that means treating ones wife/mother of one's children with respect. A DH who cheats on the wife condones deception, lying, and betrayal of vows. If you say that a cheating DH can also be a good dad means asking your children to view the world in an artificially disjointed way. You are asking your kids to close off a part of their heats, which is really sad.

Anonymous wrote:History is chock a block full of beloved dads who are/were horrible husbands.

l
Quite true.

History is chock a block full of beloved dads who are/were horrible husbands.

My cheating ex spouse is, overall, a good parent-but is emotionally deceptive and conflict adverse with our child in ways that I feel aren't great for her. In ex's case, I do think that the cheating was a symptom of bigger character flaws and emotional problems that do carry over into parenting, but not to a degree that I would try for anything other than joint custody.

I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

I think having an affair indicates selfishness in many cases, but it can also indicate an unhappy marriage. My former step-dad (cheater) was by no means a perfect husband OR father, but he was and is a very good father to my brother, involved and helpful and encouraging.

Totally unrelated. As long as the affair isn't taking time from being with the kids, then there is no effect on parent-child relationship. In fact, if the affair helps a spouse stay married and happy in an otherwise sexless marriage, then the affair can help you be a better parent. However, if the affair is discovered and it leads to divorce, then being a part time dad obviously impacts the ability to be a great dad. So there is a risk.

conversation came up with a few people recently about men that are bad husbands but still good fathers. I was wondering what women think on this topic. If you have been cheated on did it lesson your opinion of your husband as a father to your kids? Are you able to see him as two different things husband/father? Or does the emotional nature of the deception extend to his role as a father?

What if you didn't know he was cheating or before you found out about the affair, looking back, was he still being a good father even while stepping out on you?

thanks for any replies