I'm in a similar boat, with only a slightly different narrative: I've stopped supporting passive-aggressive mother because I have to focus on my kids and she's got a home health aid now. I had to do it. She was cutting me down AND setting a bad example for my kids. Now, she's complaining to my extended family.

Here's what I'm doing: standing my ground. I don't know about your Mom, but my mother is exhausting. I need my energy to focus on my marriage, kids and job search.

Extended family can talk to me if they have issues -- or they can help her themselves. I have kids to raise.

Free yourself from guilt, OP! You don't owe your mom anything. You owe yourself peace of mind.

Stop reacting. You can't change her. Change yourself.

So I have three grown children. I had an extremely rocky relationship with my mother growing up, and possibly as a result, married and had a baby when I was 19. Shortly after she was born, my mother invited my daughter and I to live with them while my husband was at B school, since back then we didn't rate housing. This was awful, because she constantly took the baby from me and told me I didn't know what I was doing----and to make matters worse, the marriage ended d/t abuse and I ended up back there for a few more months. Long history of her constantly blathering on about how this kid was really her baby and she was closer to her than I was, actively encouraged kid to defy me.

Fast forward 33 years: she's still at it. Being sick of it, I haven't called her to listen to more of it.

So now, does she call me? No...she tells the whole family she doesn't know why I haven't called her. So sick of this passive-aggressive bullshit.