Anonymous wrote:I'd call the boyfriend's wife and tell her what's going on because somewhere down the road after Mom is broke and homeless, it will be your problem.

If the wife call didn't work, I'd go to the police, file a complaint and get boyfriend in trouble. If that didn't work I'd get adult services involved. You can bet when Mom's money runs out, boyfriend will dump her like yesterday's trash.

Don't let him prey on your mother.

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Or you could threaten the guy with a lawsuit or police intervention if he doesn't stop immediately. This would also cause his wife to see what is going on. He should understand this.

I'd tell the man's wife what is going on. That should shut it down unless the wife feels your mom is a fool and enjoys her supplementing her lifestyle.

Maybe you can address your mother's issues of self-worth? It's so sad. Hugs to you, OP. It's not just the threat of having her move in with you, it must be awful seeing her being led to this behavior by the feelings she may have about herself.

Anonymous wrote:I'd call the boyfriend's wife and tell her what's going on because somewhere down the road after Mom is broke and homeless, it will be your problem.

If the wife call didn't work, I'd go to the police, file a complaint and get boyfriend in trouble. If that didn't work I'd get adult services involved. You can bet when Mom's money runs out, boyfriend will dump her like yesterday's trash.

Don't let him prey on your mother.

Do you have any actual evidence of exploitation or that she is not of sound mind? If not, then there is nothing for the police to do. People are allowed to give their money away even if their adult children don't like it.

I'd call the boyfriend's wife and tell her what's going on because somewhere down the road after Mom is broke and homeless, it will be your problem.

If the wife call didn't work, I'd go to the police, file a complaint and get boyfriend in trouble. If that didn't work I'd get adult services involved. You can bet when Mom's money runs out, boyfriend will dump her like yesterday's trash.

Don't let him prey on your mother.

I wouldn't make any threats you're not willing to carry out. Because the first time you cave, you will lose all credibility. I would be clear about the not moving in thing, and just continue to discuss that it's a bad idea to give money to the boyfriend.

My mom kind of supports her loser boyfriend, and whenever he becomes unable to work, someone will have to pick up the tab. She always says it won't be her, and then I ask who will it be, and she has no answer. So far not much progress, but I'm not willing to let it lie.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she can't move in with you, you can head off future problems by making that clear, even though it's an awkward conversation. You don't have to make it because of the $5K or the boyfriend, just communicate clearly to her that she can't expect to live with you, period.

We already plan to do that, but I'm concerned that she will blow her limited nest egg and then be stuck in dire straits. Do I just say "not my problem" to the woman who raised me - that seems cruel.

I don't think you have to just say "not my problem". You can continue to raise concerns with her, and set aside money for the day that she is truly, truly in need. But the bottom line, I think, is that if she's a competent adult then she gets to make her own decisions just like the rest of us.

Said freedom only goes as far as when you decide to impose on others. If OP's mom wants to move in with OP, OP now has a greater right to interfere in her mother's adult activities. Sort of like how a couple who's getting mega-$$$ from someone's Mom and Dad has less right to autonomy.

OP, your mom is probably being preyed upon.

"Mom, I understand you have concerns about the future, and while you might not be able to move in with us, DH and I will always be here to help you be safe and secure.

However, we cannot support you if you are supporting anyone else. If you continue to send money to X, we will assume that you do not need our help, so please don't count on it in the future."

OP your mom is being preyed upon. Step in. Her choices for a living situation may be homelessness or your place if this continues. Sit her down and work through this. Many older folks are lonely and vulnerable. She needs help. Also read this NYTs piece on this very issue:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/18/your-money/swindlers-target-older-women-on-dating-websites.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she can't move in with you, you can head off future problems by making that clear, even though it's an awkward conversation. You don't have to make it because of the $5K or the boyfriend, just communicate clearly to her that she can't expect to live with you, period.

We already plan to do that, but I'm concerned that she will blow her limited nest egg and then be stuck in dire straits. Do I just say "not my problem" to the woman who raised me - that seems cruel.

I don't think you have to just say "not my problem". You can continue to raise concerns with her, and set aside money for the day that she is truly, truly in need. But the bottom line, I think, is that if she's a competent adult then she gets to make her own decisions just like the rest of us.

+1 Care and express your concern. Maybe more than once. Don't badger her. She can do what she wants with her money, even though we don't find it wise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she can't move in with you, you can head off future problems by making that clear, even though it's an awkward conversation. You don't have to make it because of the $5K or the boyfriend, just communicate clearly to her that she can't expect to live with you, period.

We already plan to do that, but I'm concerned that she will blow her limited nest egg and then be stuck in dire straits. Do I just say "not my problem" to the woman who raised me - that seems cruel.

I don't think you have to just say "not my problem". You can continue to raise concerns with her, and set aside money for the day that she is truly, truly in need. But the bottom line, I think, is that if she's a competent adult then she gets to make her own decisions just like the rest of us.

Anonymous wrote:If she can't move in with you, you can head off future problems by making that clear, even though it's an awkward conversation. You don't have to make it because of the $5K or the boyfriend, just communicate clearly to her that she can't expect to live with you, period.

We already plan to do that, but I'm concerned that she will blow her limited nest egg and then be stuck in dire straits. Do I just say "not my problem" to the woman who raised me - that seems cruel.

If she can't move in with you, you can head off future problems by making that clear, even though it's an awkward conversation. You don't have to make it because of the $5K or the boyfriend, just communicate clearly to her that she can't expect to live with you, period.

My mother is in her late 60s and has reconnected with a man she dated as a teenager. He is married and lives in another state, but they are on the phone every single day. (I told her I don't approve, so she usually doesn't talk about him to me directly.) It has been going on for a couple of years.

She is visiting us and had me mail a check to him a couple of days ago. She is retired and on a fixed income herself. She has talked about moving in with my family as a result, which my DH strongly opposes. My curiosity got the better of me, and I snooped and found out that she has sent him >$5K since August.

What on earth do I do? Nothing?