Anonymous wrote:My grandmother moved into assisted living.
My cousins, who are local to the area , have gone through her house "claiming" items and taking them out.
My siblings and I live 800-2500 miles away and have not claimed anything.
My parents, who live nearby my grandmother, are on vacation and will be back next week.
My dad, the executor of her estate, doesn't stand up for me and my siblings to make sure we have a few items from my grandmother and have not told the other side of the family to delay removing things from her house.

I want to email them telling them how selfish they were to do this without everyone participating...

Contact them and speak up, or stop whining. Be an adult

You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

What does grandma have? mine had nothing I would've wanted. Memories are in my head.

I dunno. I'm a bit more on the fence about this than everybody else. If you guys live 800-2500 miles away, then are you maybe not as close -- not just physically but emotionally, too -- to your grandmother these days? Are your cousins and uncle doing things for her that you guys aren't? When people age, they often do need help, and it's the people who are actually living near them who are able to give that help, not the ones who live across the country. Your parents, who also live nearby, may see this happening and this may be why they don't stand up for protecting your interests in your grandma's things. You just might not be as close to her as your cousins are.

On the other hand, I will say that I feel your pain. When my grandmother died, my mother said she watched her sisters descend upon her mother's things like vultures and she never felt the same way about them again. It was just such ugly behavior. So I'm sorry you're seeing this, too.

Your Grandma unless she has dementia is partly responsible for this fiasco. Your father is almost equally responsibility. All they had to do was lock the house. Neither did what they needed to do to secure the property or the items inside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about to happen to my husband's grandmother. The vultures are circling the house as we speak. I don't want my husband involved. At all.

It's very upsetting to see people you've know almost your whole life be so greedy. Over things. How shameful.

My mother died several months ago. Fortunately she chose her lawyer, not a family member, to be executor. Per the will everything was to be split between 4 children. The executor let us know from the get-go that if problems arose in equitably splitting items of value he would take over, have everything appraised and then those items would need to be "purchased" from the estate.

Executors can have a lot of control over how it all goes down in the end. We haven't had major problems in splitting things up so far, bet I'm glad the executor has a backbone and is willing to lay down the law if need be. Highly recommend using a competent, unrelated lawyer as executor!

My SIL has POA and a nephew is the family attorney. The problem is their are kids from multiple marriages coming out of the woodwork and a surviving son that has already taken money, he wants the house. I don't want my husband to get involved because I don't want anyone to say he's like them. He's not. I hope they beat the hell out of each other and leave us alone. It's a mess and Grandma deserves better than them.

Relatives suck when other relatives are in the autumn of their life or deceased.

Anonymous wrote:This is about to happen to my husband's grandmother. The vultures are circling the house as we speak. I don't want my husband involved. At all.

It's very upsetting to see people you've know almost your whole life be so greedy. Over things. How shameful.

My mother died several months ago. Fortunately she chose her lawyer, not a family member, to be executor. Per the will everything was to be split between 4 children. The executor let us know from the get-go that if problems arose in equitably splitting items of value he would take over, have everything appraised and then those items would need to be "purchased" from the estate.

Executors can have a lot of control over how it all goes down in the end. We haven't had major problems in splitting things up so far, bet I'm glad the executor has a backbone and is willing to lay down the law if need be. Highly recommend using a competent, unrelated lawyer as executor!

This is about to happen to my husband's grandmother. The vultures are circling the house as we speak. I don't want my husband involved. At all.

It's very upsetting to see people you've know almost your whole life be so greedy. Over things. How shameful.

Anonymous wrote:WTF? And your grandmother is alive- isn't this straight up theft? Those are her things unless she consents to give them away.

Yes - Grandma is still alive but my uncle is in a hurry to sell the house which is why they (his children/my cousins)are emptying it.
Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

Agree with 17:27, why are they going through her stuff as if she's passed away? Did she agree to this happening? How callous. Be glad you weren't a part of it.

WTF? And your grandmother is alive- isn't this straight up theft? Those are her things unless she consents to give them away.

If there is something that is very special to you, send a note out stating that why it was special to you and grandma and how it is the one thing that you were hoping to get from her estate to remember her.

Otherwise let it go.

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother moved into assisted living.
My cousins, who are local to the area , have gone through her house "claiming" items and taking them out.
My siblings and I live 800-2500 miles away and have not claimed anything.
My parents, who live nearby my grandmother, are on vacation and will be back next week.
My dad, the executor of her estate, doesn't stand up for me and my siblings to make sure we have a few items from my grandmother and have not told the other side of the family to delay removing things from her house.

I want to email them telling them how selfish they were to do this without everyone participating...

Let it go. I have found that the scavengers who do this wind up never having a good end. It says a lot about their character. It isn't worth the fight.

My grandmother moved into assisted living.
My cousins, who are local to the area , have gone through her house "claiming" items and taking them out.
My siblings and I live 800-2500 miles away and have not claimed anything.
My parents, who live nearby my grandmother, are on vacation and will be back next week.
My dad, the executor of her estate, doesn't stand up for me and my siblings to make sure we have a few items from my grandmother and have not told the other side of the family to delay removing things from her house.

I want to email them telling them how selfish they were to do this without everyone participating...