I was attracted to emotionally distant men because 1) my Dad was emotionally distant and 2) as long as they were emotionally distant, I didn't really have to risk anything. I didn't have to acknowledge that I was ambivalent about being in a close healthy relationship. I could fool myself about 'being in the game', without really having to be in it.

Bottom line-it was all about me, not about them.

BFF is like you and likes loser men who she can fix or be on the ground floor while the grow up. She married a man who was not as much of a loser as her past boyfriends, but he still was figuring out who he was. She wanted to mould him and help him become the person she knew he could be. 10 years later, he is pissed because he doesn't feel 'good enough'. And she is pissed because he didn't turn out the way she wanted him too.

Honest question: are you fat? My sister is the classic "pretty face" (seriously, she looks like she should be on a famous painting or something) but she is obese. She only attracts losers because other men won't give her the time of day. The losers know that deep down, she's desperate, and it gives them a feeling of power over her. They take advantage of her financially and sexually. It breaks my heart.

I wonder the same thing OP so you're not alone in this.

I used to go for artsy guys, and they always had the qualities that you describe, OP. I decided to change. I then met DH, who is awesome and happens to be way more artistic than any of my ex-BFs (but he doesn't present himself as primarily an "artist").

The blunt (and somewhat harsh) answer is that you may not be attracting the "catches." They have more options than the "losers" and they are opting for other women.

As an alternative, you could take responsibility into your own hands and act guys, who you find attractive out.

I have limited sympathy for someone who seems to just expect to be able to sit back and wait for hot guys/girls to throw themselves at them. That's not realistic for 80% of women and 99% of men.

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more. How old are you? Have you ever been married? We need to know more about your history and repeated patterns.

More likely, it stems from her parents' relationship (or lack thereof). My guess is her mother was also attracted to similar men.

Because if they are broken you can try to fix them. If they are not broken you are not sure how to be Equals with men in a relationship. You are Probably and empathetic person always willing to see the other persons pint of view. It's a good quality but has to be countered by knoWing that your needs are valid and important and should not be subsumed by another adult you are in a relationship with.

OP, tell us more. How old are you? Have you ever been married? We need to know more about your history and repeated patterns.

Chicks dig assholes.

Why are you always subconsciously looking for a "problem to fix"?

Because you don't want a decent guy. If you put yourself out on Match, you would get dozens of responses. There would have to be at least one acceptable person in that group.

Pick out the guy you want and go after him. Be aggressive!

Anonymous wrote:Guys with no motivation or direction in life. Guys with baggage . Guys who treat me poorly. Etc.

Time to take some personal responsibility. Why do you think you attract these losers?

I suggest you become a lesbian. Everybody's doing it.

Guys with no motivation or direction in life. Guys with baggage . Guys who treat me poorly. Etc.