I think it's a bit of both. I make more accommodations for family than I make for friends, or even close friends, and I think that's the norm. Family is supposed to be full of unconditional love while you're growing up, and then even once you're grown, it should be a place where you can go back for forgiveness and love when you've made mistakes.

But I do agree with the overall point that there are still limits on what's okay - family or not. Some one who doesn't realize that or insists otherwise is manipulative.

OP, doesn't this go both ways? I assume you are referring to the posts where people solicit opinions on how to feel/react/respond to certain behavior by family members. Certain responders put family in a different category than other guests/acquaintances. They respond accordingly.

In other words, I don't see the logic in your post.

Anonymous wrote:I agree, but I've also seen cases where people defend their spouses when they're wrong, or being petty, terribly obnoxious, etc.

So I'd say that NO ONE gets a pass for gross behavior. Family, spouse, whatever.

Agreed! In fact, if we all started demanding better behavior, which I define as the low bar of basic civility, some people would be forced to change their behavior. Isn't that better for everyone? Then we can actually visit without dread and perhaps with some pleasue. I'm not trying to be an ogre - I'm trying to take steps towards a more positive interaction with some people.

I agree, but I've also seen cases where people defend their spouses when they're wrong, or being petty, terribly obnoxious, etc.

So I'd say that NO ONE gets a pass for gross behavior. Family, spouse, whatever.

Anonymous wrote:+1000 And when I try to set boundaries (read: hotel) I am told that family doesn't cut family out and that I was raised better than that.

YES. Never mind how miserable people actually are when too many guests are crowded in one house, meals are chaotic, etc. my husband and I volunteer to stay in a hotel for holidays at my ILs, and you would think we had slapped somebody. So there we are, on a pull out in an unfinished/unseated basement...

To be honest, it comes down to the personal relationship we have with individual family members. So it's less about family than about whether we think that such-and-such family member respects us.

My father says things in a calm, matter of fact, objective way that my mother says in a shrill, accusatory, emotional way. Completely changes how I interact with each of them because I can't help thinking that my father has my best interest at heart and that my mother is doing her best to blame everybody else as usual.

+1000 And when I try to set boundaries (read: hotel) I am told that family doesn't cut family out and that I was raised better than that.

Lots of people here just proving the point...if something isn't for you, just move along. Really p. You don't have to comment on everything!

DCUM posts don't upset me. I choose how to react.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THANK you!

You felt the need to thank. Someone has gratitude issues...

You feel the need to defend. Someone has insecurity issues...

Anonymous wrote:THANK you!

You felt the need to thank. Someone has gratitude issues...

Anonymous wrote:You felt the need to start a thread on this topic. Someone has control issues...

You felt the need to comment. Someone has judgement issues...

You felt the need to start a thread on this topic. Someone has control issues...

THANK you!

It's great that some of you feel that family gets a free pass: to offer unsolicited advice, to stay in your home for as long as the want, to have no boundaries in your home (even the bedroom), to clean/"help" without asking...

But you do get that your way isn't the right way for everyone...right?

Getting sick of "But they're FAMILY, lighten up!" In tons of threads related to family dynamics.

Our home is our home. My husband and I set the rules for ourselves and our space and our kids. Why is that so "wrong"? Family in our home = guests.