Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never mention a parenting mistake unless it was abusive or dangerous.

Define abusive. There are so many things that may be psychologically damaging to a child. Children will adapt but at what cost? Wouldn't you want to know if you were doing something that may not be in the best interest of your child?

For my sibling and toxic new partner:

drinking and driving with the kid in the car
verbally abusing the kid
locking them out of the house at a young age
cutting them off from the other parent

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

If you think it would set off a debate here then there are obviously two accepted sides to the issue, both of which she is probably aware of. Don't mention it.

Anonymous wrote:I'd never mention a parenting mistake unless it was abusive or dangerous.

Define abusive. There are so many things that may be psychologically damaging to a child. Children will adapt but at what cost? Wouldn't you want to know if you were doing something that may not be in the best interest of your child?

I am in a similar situation, OP. Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first. Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.


Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me? Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?

I'd never mention a parenting mistake unless it was abusive or dangerous.

OP here and thank you. I also feel that I need to mention it once, gently and calmly, and then let it go.

Sorry, but I have been around DCUM long enough to know what a huge debate this would set off!

Yes. Let us know what the mistake is and then we can really weigh in.

If it is spanking, I would butt out. In all likelihood they have heard it is not considered a good way to punish anymore. I can't think of any others off the top of my head.

If there are many "studies", then presumably there are two sides to the issue. If this is something like circumcision or vaccination, I doubt anything you say would be well-received. If you let us know what the issue is, we could provide more realistic guidance.

I can't answer this question without knowing what the "huge parenting mistake" is.

Difficult to say without knowing what the situation is

Anonymous wrote:If you are close to that person, you can offer your opinion once. Do it gently. Then let it go, because it's not your decision and if you start a fight about it, they will get dug into their position and then you will have done worse than nothing.

+1 This. When it comes to the welfare of a child, you have to say something - but say it once and say it calmly.

Anonymous wrote:If you are close to that person, you can offer your opinion once. Do it gently. Then let it go, because it's not your decision and if you start a fight about it, they will get dug into their position and then you will have done worse than nothing.

+1

Only if you are close to this person. Gently. Once.

If you are close to that person, you can offer your opinion once. Do it gently. Then let it go, because it's not your decision and if you start a fight about it, they will get dug into their position and then you will have done worse than nothing.

Need slightly more information, because it really depends. For most things, the answer would be "butt out" .

... do you say something? Of course, it is my opinion, but my opinion based in study after study. I am very torn on this specifically but also wonder in general what other parents do. In my case this person's decision would hurt but not kill her child. But definitely cause the child emotional pain.