Anonymous
10/07/2015 12:35
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
I think it's only a problem when one lacks integrity or is wishy washy. When you know better, you do better, and keep doing better, and want to help others do better.
You did what you did. You learned. You tried to teach her so history doesn't repeat.
Trust me, if she's that angry she'd be just as angry at someone who tried to give her feedback who hadn't made the mistake... except instead of the hypocrite speech, they'd get the 'You wouldn't KNOW! You've never been in my shoes' speech.
You did what you did. You learned. You tried to teach her so history doesn't repeat.
Trust me, if she's that angry she'd be just as angry at someone who tried to give her feedback who hadn't made the mistake... except instead of the hypocrite speech, they'd get the 'You wouldn't KNOW! You've never been in my shoes' speech.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 12:09
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have to wonder if you got some benefit from the thing you did, despite how much it hurt other people, and if she's resenting the fact that you got that benefit and now are telling her not to do it, regardless of how much she might need it too. As I was reading your posts and trying to think of what this choice might be, abortion popped into my mind. If you had an abortion because you were in a tough spot and didn't think you could have the baby, and other people were upset by your decision, I could see why you might tell your sister not to do it if you've now come around to opposing abortion. But from her standpoint, you would have gotten the benefit of not going through pregnancy and having the baby, not actually knowing what the alternative path might have looked like, and are telling her she shouldn't get that same opportunity when you also don't have to bear the burden of her pregnancy and subsequent choices/life. I might be totally off base here, but if what you're talking about is in any way similar in terms of opportunities/trade-offs, maybe think about that side of it. It would make you a little bit of a hypocrite.
OP here. no its not that at all. There wasn't really a "benefit" to my decision. I am young enough where I still don't know what will happen to me because of it or whether it was all just a mistake instead of an inconvenient decision.
For her,she is upset because she supported me through out the decision. And I really appreciated it and valued her presence throughout. She is now mad that because she helped me and supported me through it, I am turning to her and saying don't do it. So she feels betrayed, understandably.
Well, without knowing what you're talking about, I have to say I understand where she's coming from. If you don't want to seem like a hypocrite then you need to let your sister know that you understand and can relate to why she is making this decision, but having been through it yourself now wish that you hadn't. Make it clear that you actually want better for her, but that she is of course allowed to make her own decisions in life.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 12:08
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
OP,
If you've made your opinion clear, then you need to let it go.
If your sister's doing something illegal and/or dangerous, then you may need to take action to save her from hurting herself or others.
However, if it's something like underage drinking or drugs, you do not want to become an enabler, I would look into an al-anon meeting in person or online meeting/resources. You can also contain the potential harm by getting her not to drive drunk or high. Or ride with anyone who is drunk or high.
If it's sex, and her partner isn't some creepy adult, make sure she is getting regular gyn exams and has access to birth control.
Certain decisions you may not agree with morally, but people still need to grow and learn and may never agree with your line of thinking.
If you've made your opinion clear, then you need to let it go.
If your sister's doing something illegal and/or dangerous, then you may need to take action to save her from hurting herself or others.
However, if it's something like underage drinking or drugs, you do not want to become an enabler, I would look into an al-anon meeting in person or online meeting/resources. You can also contain the potential harm by getting her not to drive drunk or high. Or ride with anyone who is drunk or high.
If it's sex, and her partner isn't some creepy adult, make sure she is getting regular gyn exams and has access to birth control.
Certain decisions you may not agree with morally, but people still need to grow and learn and may never agree with your line of thinking.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:55
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Anonymous wrote:I have to wonder if you got some benefit from the thing you did, despite how much it hurt other people, and if she's resenting the fact that you got that benefit and now are telling her not to do it, regardless of how much she might need it too. As I was reading your posts and trying to think of what this choice might be, abortion popped into my mind. If you had an abortion because you were in a tough spot and didn't think you could have the baby, and other people were upset by your decision, I could see why you might tell your sister not to do it if you've now come around to opposing abortion. But from her standpoint, you would have gotten the benefit of not going through pregnancy and having the baby, not actually knowing what the alternative path might have looked like, and are telling her she shouldn't get that same opportunity when you also don't have to bear the burden of her pregnancy and subsequent choices/life. I might be totally off base here, but if what you're talking about is in any way similar in terms of opportunities/trade-offs, maybe think about that side of it. It would make you a little bit of a hypocrite.
OP here. no its not that at all. There wasn't really a "benefit" to my decision. I am young enough where I still don't know what will happen to me because of it or whether it was all just a mistake instead of an inconvenient decision.
For her,she is upset because she supported me through out the decision. And I really appreciated it and valued her presence throughout. She is now mad that because she helped me and supported me through it, I am turning to her and saying don't do it. So she feels betrayed, understandably.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:52
Subject: Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Some people have to make their own mistakes, even when they've seen what a mess it made earlier.
But, no, you're not a hypocrite.
But, no, you're not a hypocrite.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:50
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
I have to wonder if you got some benefit from the thing you did, despite how much it hurt other people, and if she's resenting the fact that you got that benefit and now are telling her not to do it, regardless of how much she might need it too. As I was reading your posts and trying to think of what this choice might be, abortion popped into my mind. If you had an abortion because you were in a tough spot and didn't think you could have the baby, and other people were upset by your decision, I could see why you might tell your sister not to do it if you've now come around to opposing abortion. But from her standpoint, you would have gotten the benefit of not going through pregnancy and having the baby, not actually knowing what the alternative path might have looked like, and are telling her she shouldn't get that same opportunity when you also don't have to bear the burden of her pregnancy and subsequent choices/life. I might be totally off base here, but if what you're talking about is in any way similar in terms of opportunities/trade-offs, maybe think about that side of it. It would make you a little bit of a hypocrite.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:46
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not clear how you're being a hypocrite here. You made a mistake in the past that you seem to regret and recognize was a bad decision. Now you're trying to tell her not to make the same mistake because of the harm it caused. Being a hypocrite isn't about not wanting people to make the same mistakes you did, it's about holding others to a different standard than you hold yourself, such as by feeling it's okay for you to do something that you tell others they shouldn't do. Maybe more details about the decision would be helpful for us to understand your sister's position?
OP here. I guess I do hold her to a different standard to myself in the sense that I expect her to make better decisions for herself. I have never said "i did X and yay me it was awesome!!! but YOU CANT DO IT!!" I've more likely said, "I did x because I was stuck in a very difficult situation and I did not know better. It turned out okay but it was NOT easy and it caused a LOT OF PAIN to people I love. I don't understand why you're doing the SAME thing knowing how much anxiety it caused me and the pain it has caused our family."
She feels like I'm telling her to stop doing something that is secretly oh so amazing and I want something worse for her or something.
OP, I think you're still being a little too vague here, but I can see why you're pissing her off. You're making excuses for your previous bad behavior ("I was stuck in a very difficult situation and I did not know better"), and also presuming to know what's best for her and her life. Did she actually ask your opinion of this decision, or are you inserting yourself uninvited?
No...she never told me. I accidentally found out and was shocked and reacted with "what are you doing? why are you doing this??"
She was furious saying its her life and she will figure it out and she does not need my input.
She's shut me out now.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:45
Subject: Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Tell your idiot little sister you aren't being a hypocrite, you've just learned from your mistake
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:44
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not clear how you're being a hypocrite here. You made a mistake in the past that you seem to regret and recognize was a bad decision. Now you're trying to tell her not to make the same mistake because of the harm it caused. Being a hypocrite isn't about not wanting people to make the same mistakes you did, it's about holding others to a different standard than you hold yourself, such as by feeling it's okay for you to do something that you tell others they shouldn't do. Maybe more details about the decision would be helpful for us to understand your sister's position?
OP here. I guess I do hold her to a different standard to myself in the sense that I expect her to make better decisions for herself. I have never said "i did X and yay me it was awesome!!! but YOU CANT DO IT!!" I've more likely said, "I did x because I was stuck in a very difficult situation and I did not know better. It turned out okay but it was NOT easy and it caused a LOT OF PAIN to people I love. I don't understand why you're doing the SAME thing knowing how much anxiety it caused me and the pain it has caused our family."
She feels like I'm telling her to stop doing something that is secretly oh so amazing and I want something worse for her or something.
OP, I think you're still being a little too vague here, but I can see why you're pissing her off. You're making excuses for your previous bad behavior ("I was stuck in a very difficult situation and I did not know better"), and also presuming to know what's best for her and her life. Did she actually ask your opinion of this decision, or are you inserting yourself uninvited?
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:39
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Anonymous wrote:I'm not clear how you're being a hypocrite here. You made a mistake in the past that you seem to regret and recognize was a bad decision. Now you're trying to tell her not to make the same mistake because of the harm it caused. Being a hypocrite isn't about not wanting people to make the same mistakes you did, it's about holding others to a different standard than you hold yourself, such as by feeling it's okay for you to do something that you tell others they shouldn't do. Maybe more details about the decision would be helpful for us to understand your sister's position?
OP here. I guess I do hold her to a different standard to myself in the sense that I expect her to make better decisions for herself. I have never said "i did X and yay me it was awesome!!! but YOU CANT DO IT!!" I've more likely said, "I did x because I was stuck in a very difficult situation and I did not know better. It turned out okay but it was NOT easy and it caused a LOT OF PAIN to people I love. I don't understand why you're doing the SAME thing knowing how much anxiety it caused me and the pain it has caused our family."
She feels like I'm telling her to stop doing something that is secretly oh so amazing and I want something worse for her or something.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:37
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
Acknowledging that you made a mistake and learned from something doesn't make you a hypocrite.
However, when you give that learn-from-my-mistakes sermons it makes people, especially immature ones react as if you are. Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes to make better decisions. Let's hope your sister learns and doesn't keep making the same mistake.
Also, depending on what it is, it may be a life choice that isn't a one size fits all. Like some people have their first sex experience when they're young, say in h.s. It's the wrong choice for some and others not for all kinds of reasons. Not everything is cut and dry, one-size fits all.
However, when you give that learn-from-my-mistakes sermons it makes people, especially immature ones react as if you are. Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes to make better decisions. Let's hope your sister learns and doesn't keep making the same mistake.
Also, depending on what it is, it may be a life choice that isn't a one size fits all. Like some people have their first sex experience when they're young, say in h.s. It's the wrong choice for some and others not for all kinds of reasons. Not everything is cut and dry, one-size fits all.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:35
Subject: Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
She needs a dictionary.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:34
Subject: Re:Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
I'm not clear how you're being a hypocrite here. You made a mistake in the past that you seem to regret and recognize was a bad decision. Now you're trying to tell her not to make the same mistake because of the harm it caused. Being a hypocrite isn't about not wanting people to make the same mistakes you did, it's about holding others to a different standard than you hold yourself, such as by feeling it's okay for you to do something that you tell others they shouldn't do. Maybe more details about the decision would be helpful for us to understand your sister's position?
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:34
Subject: Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
you're not a hypocrite. you learned from your mistake and you're advising your sister to not do the same. it's called sisterly advice/sisterly love.
Anonymous
10/07/2015 11:28
Subject: Whats so wrong with being a hypocrite?
When I was younger I did something that I am not proud of that, if I could do over would not do again. It did not "ruin" my life and I think I turned out okay but it definitely hurt my parents and family and it did create a lot of unnecessary stress and strain for myself and everyone involved.
My younger sister is now taking the same exact steps and is on the same path. I recently told her to not continue going down this path as it is going to create a lot of hurt and disappointment within the family and it isn't the easiest road to take.
She called me a hypocrite and a fake and hasn't spoken to me in 5 days.
So, just because you do something, you resign yourself to never being able to advise against it ever?
My younger sister is now taking the same exact steps and is on the same path. I recently told her to not continue going down this path as it is going to create a lot of hurt and disappointment within the family and it isn't the easiest road to take.
She called me a hypocrite and a fake and hasn't spoken to me in 5 days.
So, just because you do something, you resign yourself to never being able to advise against it ever?