Anonymous wrote:I've done work travel, and I'm a SAHM with a husband who's gone for work a lot. I think I'd hit my husband in the head with a frying pan if he demanded a weekend away just because I got one too. Wah, dinner with co-workers! Ooo, it's so hard. Yes, work travel can be tiring, but it's certainly not comparable to taking care of a baby overnight solo.

No. Just no.

Agree.

DH had a spate of travel when our first was little. He missed us, but learned not to complain.

He flew to Australia for one trip, and I told him he had better come home ready to jump back into things after all those hours in the plane with nothing to do but watch movies and sleep and people bringing him food. I was so jealous.

Just a follow up. Do not let yourself get bitter about this. This time passes quickly. Once your kid is older, it won't feel like such a heavy lift. Hire as much help as you can afford. You won't regret it.

I think he should get a free weekend too.

Work travel is for his work. You chose to be the SAH parent, so overnights alone is your job.

You are absolutely entitled to a weekend off (you would be if you were working FT too). But so is he.

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it, I would get yourself some help. It's unlikely your DH will agree with your view and if you need more of a break, get a babysitter or nanny so you aren't so overtired when the weekends come and you feel like you have had a break.

+1. Prioritize babysitting expenses into your budget. It is cheaper than therapy.

When you discuss this with your husband don't focus on dinner's out and other "fun", work events. Really the reason it is easier is that he is only taking care of himself. He doesn't have to worry about cooking for someone else, feeding, dressing, diapering, waking up in the middle of the night etc. This is why it is easier for him to be traveling, not because he is getting to go out to eat to restaurants with other adults.

How old are your kids, OP?

My husband is gone 2-3 nights/week. I do think he should get a free weekend if you get one.

DH here. I traveled a lot when my DD was 2-8; by traveled a lot, I mean I was more than 5000 miles away about 1 week per month. I was mostly in spots that most people considered tourist destinations: Hawaii & Vienna (Austria). My wife resented it, and when I was home, expected me to be 100% n with the kid (which I did, gladly).

First, let me tell you what my days were like.
In Hawaii:
4 AM wakeup (jet lag).
4-6 AM: Do work for the company -- emails, address buring issues
6-6:30: Breakfast
6:30-7:30 commute (Hawaii traffic is bad, and there are no hotels near my customer)
7:30-6:00 Work at the customer site, various activities
6:00-6:30 Dinner near customer site
6:30-7:30 Commute back to hotel
7:30-8:00 Check Corp Email, address any fires
8:00 Crash (note that Hawaii is 6 hours behind us, so 8 PM is like 2 AM ET)

That is not a relaxing trip.

When I was home, I would go to work before anyone else got up, but be home around 5:00 PM; I was responsible for Dinner and the child untill her bedtime (about 8:00 at first, 9:00 later).

Also note that I planned my trips around softball schedules -- I was her softball coach, and over 7 seasons, missed one or two games. I would often go from the end of season game/party to the airport; suitcase in my car.

Also, my wife was jealous of my travels; so when DD was 5, I took the family with me on one of these trips. I had to explain that I was working; after the trip she commented that I was gone more there than I was when working at home.

I've done work travel, and I'm a SAHM with a husband who's gone for work a lot. I think I'd hit my husband in the head with a frying pan if he demanded a weekend away just because I got one too. Wah, dinner with co-workers! Ooo, it's so hard. Yes, work travel can be tiring, but it's certainly not comparable to taking care of a baby overnight solo.

No. Just no.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I was a full on career person but now I stay home. This is what I am feeling but I am really open to your advice and perspectives on how to manage these issues productively.

What issue specifically are you looking to manage? Are you open to understanding why he needs these trips too, or are you committed to convincing him that he doesn't?

If it's just about not wanting to be on full childcare duty all weekend while he goes away, find a sitter to come in for a few hours of the weekend so you can get a break. He should do the same when you go away for the weekend. No one should be a martyr to parenthood, give yourselves the breaks you need so you can be the best partners and parents you can.

If you can afford it, I would get yourself some help. It's unlikely your DH will agree with your view and if you need more of a break, get a babysitter or nanny so you aren't so overtired when the weekends come and you feel like you have had a break.

Yes I was a full on career person but now I stay home. This is what I am feeling but I am really open to your advice and perspectives on how to manage these issues productively.

Do you stay home OP?

Anonymous wrote:My DH has traveled 19 of the last 90 days on and off for work. He goes to fun places, but in the evening he goes out, has nice dinners, socializes, etc. meanwhile I'm home with baby. Last weekend, I left on Saturday at noon and came back Sunday at 6:30 pm for a spa weekend with my friend while he watched the baby. When I came home he said, "maybe you can watch the baby while I go away for a weekend too". I replied that he goes away all the time, and he disagrees and says it is for work so it's not the same. I think 19 days of free evenings, nice dinners out, no early morning baby wake ups, and socializing is equivalent to my 30 hours of absence over the course of a weekend. I'm not trying to say I never support him taking a guy's trip (there is no guys trip on the horizon) but now he wants to be absolved of his weekend dad duties because I got a weekend away this weekend. Can you please give me some perspective about this? I guess I feel like he never "makes up for" the extra childcare I duties I have when he is gone. And I thought we were kind of balancing things out when I went away, but now he also wants a weekend off.

You're right, but he's probably going to be a baby about it.

I get how you feeling, I'm a SAHM to two kids with a husband who travels a lot for work, often to fun places. Those kinds of work trips can be fun, but they're not relaxing. You have to be "on" all the time for you clients, colleagues, whomever else you're traveling with/to. So yeah, more fun than being home with a baby, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still need some downtime when he can just have some quiet, choose where he wants to eat, watch a football game instead of going out, etc.).

My DH has traveled 19 of the last 90 days on and off for work. He goes to fun places, but in the evening he goes out, has nice dinners, socializes, etc. meanwhile I'm home with baby. Last weekend, I left on Saturday at noon and came back Sunday at 6:30 pm for a spa weekend with my friend while he watched the baby. When I came home he said, "maybe you can watch the baby while I go away for a weekend too". I replied that he goes away all the time, and he disagrees and says it is for work so it's not the same. I think 19 days of free evenings, nice dinners out, no early morning baby wake ups, and socializing is equivalent to my 30 hours of absence over the course of a weekend. I'm not trying to say I never support him taking a guy's trip (there is no guys trip on the horizon) but now he wants to be absolved of his weekend dad duties because I got a weekend away this weekend. Can you please give me some perspective about this? I guess I feel like he never "makes up for" the extra childcare I duties I have when he is gone. And I thought we were kind of balancing things out when I went away, but now he also wants a weekend off.