One reason I had children, even though I was very on the fence, is that when I looked down the road, I did not want to be without kids.

I would have adopted if I had had my own, or perhaps fostered.

Having kids or not isn't enough information for me to think anything in particular about someone. Agree with PP that what can look like a nice community may just be based in small talk. The women I like who are mothers are probably the same ones I'd like if they weren't mothers, and there are plenty of mothers I don't like, and non-mothers I do.

I don't have any resounding thoughts on it, it wouldn't change my feelings of you whether you had kids or not.

In my circle there are women who have kids, women who want kids if they ever find a suitable partner, some who are ambivalent about children, a few who don't want kids at all, and at least one who desperately wants kids but recently found out her only options are DE or adoption. It's a little easier for me to socialize with friends who have kids, but I really try to keep up with those that don't as well. I really feel for the friend who can't have kids (her options may be financially out of reach) but I also appreciate the friends who choose not to bring a child into the world if they're not really into it.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I weren't able to have kids. (We tried everything and then some.) At work, and in our circle of friends, the women with kids really have a sort of lovely community of sorts. How do women like this see women without kids?

I'm not clear on what you mean... I don't look down on them. I don't envy them. They made different choices than I did or they were unlucky and couldn't make the choice to have kids. On an individual basis, a woman without kids is a person that I will have something in common with or I won't.

That "lovely community" you think you see is just small talk mostly. People with kids make small talk about their kids. It's shallow and not particularly meaningful. We're just passing the time.

I don't think differently of women who don't have kids. What bothers me is when women feel the need to justify their choice not to have kids and put down mothers and children in the process. Parenthood isn't just sleepless nights, dirty diapers, extra strain on your finances and time and kids challenging your authority and taking you for granted. It's definitely a sacrifice and difficult choice, but the choice is worth it for many of us.

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with men and women without kids. They have full lives filled with friends, travel, leisure, work. They ask about my kids and I ask about their lives. I don't really think anything...

Exactly! This is ideal.

Don't think twice about it.

It would be presumptious of me to make a conclusion that just bc i don't see a woman with her kids doesn't mean she doesn't have any.

I have worked with men and women without kids. They have full lives filled with friends, travel, leisure, work. They ask about my kids and I ask about their lives. I don't really think anything...

I don't even think about it as long as disparaging remarks regarding children and parenting are kept at bay.

Lucky.

Like they have a lot of free time? And that's not a bad thing.

I see you as like me, but perhaps not as fortunate in that one respect.

If you are a woman who vehemently did not want children and doesn't support others who did make that choice by being kind to them then I might see you as prickly, sad and damaged.

Have you considered adoption?

My husband and I weren't able to have kids. (We tried everything and then some.) At work, and in our circle of friends, the women with kids really have a sort of lovely community of sorts. How do women like this see women without kids?