Anonymous wrote:We have been separated for over four years. I am with someone I love and plan to marry. My ex wants different things out of life than I and I don't want to be back in that relationship, but.... I seriously miss him so much and so often think of him. I still cry over him. I am in my 30's, and he is one of 4 significant and long term relationships, but I feel that he was the love of my life. I sometimes day dream of the day that we are both widows and reunited. Is that completely F'ed up!?! Again, I don't want him back, which I could have if I wanted, but I cannot get over him. Can. Not. Will this change with more time? We've been separated longer than we've been together.and I have been with my current boyfriend as long as I was with my ex. We are talking about engagement and our future, which I do want with him. But I can not shake my ex.

How many more relationships are you going to screw up before you grow up and cut the crap?

Please get your head out of your ass and try to make your current relationship the best it can be.

Your prior relationship(s) not just with this ex but probably all the prior ones in large part failed because you're childish and immature.

Grow up.

OP = Alpha Widow.

For at least a year after I fell in love with DH, I still had strong feelings (and loved) my ex. It was pretty clear he was still very attached to me too, so we remained friends (ex lived in another city, so mainly email and occasional phone calls). When I found out the ex was engaged, I was crushed and in tears (although I already was engaged to DH); I realized I had harbored visions that we might reconnect as widow(widowers). I decided I owed it to DH to make a clean break and stop being friends with the ex, to let things cool. So I changed my email address and did not send the new one to ex. He got the hint. The emotions faded. Now i only think of the ex on his birthday. When I spend time with DH and my daughter I feel like the luckiest woman alive...

I share this personal tale only to suggest that with time 'this too shall pass.' It may not seem like it now, but you will not miss him to this degree forever.

It sounds like you broke up with him due to antiquated notions of gender. Plenty of women don't want a career and flit around, yet still get married and have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been separated for over four years. I am with someone I love and plan to marry. My ex wants different things out of life than I and I don't want to be back in that relationship, but.... I seriously miss him so much and so often think of him. I still cry over him. I am in my 30's, and he is one of 4 significant and long term relationships, but I feel that he was the love of my life. I sometimes day dream of the day that we are both widows and reunited. Is that completely F'ed up!?! Again, I don't want him back, which I could have if I wanted, but I cannot get over him. Can. Not. Will this change with more time? We've been separated longer than we've been together.and I have been with my current boyfriend as long as I was with my ex. We are talking about engagement and our future, which I do want with him. But I can not shake my ex.

Was he really good in bed? I have an ex that I had off the charts chemistry with. It's been years and I still have dreams or fantasize about him.

No. I have only been with one person that I had amazing chemistry with in bed. So. Much. Fun. But that was where our chemistry ended. I don't think about him at all anymore. Sex with my current partner is slightly better than with my ex, but nothing stand out about either. I'm trying to work on that though!

Ha! It's the chemistry guy I miss. What made your chemistry guy stand out?

Just another reason to never get married, boys. Your fiance/wife is yearning for her ex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been separated for over four years. I am with someone I love and plan to marry. My ex wants different things out of life than I and I don't want to be back in that relationship, but.... I seriously miss him so much and so often think of him. I still cry over him. I am in my 30's, and he is one of 4 significant and long term relationships, but I feel that he was the love of my life. I sometimes day dream of the day that we are both widows and reunited. Is that completely F'ed up!?! Again, I don't want him back, which I could have if I wanted, but I cannot get over him. Can. Not. Will this change with more time? We've been separated longer than we've been together.and I have been with my current boyfriend as long as I was with my ex. We are talking about engagement and our future, which I do want with him. But I can not shake my ex.

Was he really good in bed? I have an ex that I had off the charts chemistry with. It's been years and I still have dreams or fantasize about him.

No. I have only been with one person that I had amazing chemistry with in bed. So. Much. Fun. But that was where our chemistry ended. I don't think about him at all anymore. Sex with my current partner is slightly better than with my ex, but nothing stand out about either. I'm trying to work on that though!

OP here. I thought I was going to get attacked but you have all been great! I have kept in touch with him over the years, and I don't think that has helped. I plan to not communicate with him any more, not that it was frequent, until I am engaged and then one final goodbye lunch perhaps. As for the new guy; I am attracted to him, very much love him, have lots of fun with him, but I do not feel that our connection is as deep as it was with my ex. I can commit to him with my whole heart and I think we will last, but I hope this part of me that yearns for my ex will some day disappear.

Anonymous wrote:We have been separated for over four years. I am with someone I love and plan to marry. My ex wants different things out of life than I and I don't want to be back in that relationship, but.... I seriously miss him so much and so often think of him. I still cry over him. I am in my 30's, and he is one of 4 significant and long term relationships, but I feel that he was the love of my life. I sometimes day dream of the day that we are both widows and reunited. Is that completely F'ed up!?! Again, I don't want him back, which I could have if I wanted, but I cannot get over him. Can. Not. Will this change with more time? We've been separated longer than we've been together.and I have been with my current boyfriend as long as I was with my ex. We are talking about engagement and our future, which I do want with him. But I can not shake my ex.

Was he really good in bed? I have an ex that I had off the charts chemistry with. It's been years and I still have dreams or fantasize about him.

I think it is quite possible to still yearn for the love of your life even though in reality, being together is literally impossible due to things such as wanting different things out of life as you mentioned.

I think you need to find some form of closure from him before you commit to a new life with someone else.

Whether this be done by therapy or contacting him, make sure your heart can move on without any limitations.

I wish you only the best in your future endeavors OP.

I am happily married to a man I am very in love with and very attracted to.

However, I still occasionally have romantic dreams about various exes. There are 2 in particular that I had strong feelings for, but like you, I decided not to pursue due to problems that I knew would arise in the future (one was the selfish type who wouldn't be a true life partner, and the other was too irresponsible for my taste and had a possible drinking problem).

I decided a long time ago not to make a big deal about it. What helps me is remembering that every person we connect with emotionally touches a piece of us and reflects back to us a cherished piece of ourselves. We don't need that person to access that special part of ourselves. And just because someone touches a hidden place and reminds us that it is there DOES NOT mean that we are suited to being with them or that we are fated to be with them. (Although once in a while I daydream that we reconnect later in life, too. I don't beat myself up about it because I have lots of other unrealizable daydreams that are fun to have sometimes. I don't think it's F'ed up personally).

Anyway, the essential point I am making is that by not making a big deal about my occasional strong dreams/memories, they have become less and less frequent. They are nice memories now, and my relationship with DH gets stronger and is definitely more real, as he is my life partner.

The important things you should be asking yourself, OP, are about your current guy. Do you have a special bond with him, too? Or is he just good on paper? If you aren't really attracted to him and don't really love him, I don't think it's a good idea to go ahead with him.

I feel this exact same way about one of my exes. I don't want to be back with him.... but i realized the other day that it will soon be 4 years since we met, 3 since we broke up for good and WOW. It would be nice not to think of him daily, or whenever I hear a romantic song or watch a romantic movie. I have tried dating others but it's like no one compares.

He's not active on social media and I defriended him on FB so I occasionally look at his GF's instagram, which is public. I live in fear of accidentally liking one of the pics but it's my only connection to him.

I'm 27 and I wonder how long this will last? I know it was like this for him too at least a year after we broke up, but we havent spoken since then. I just wish i could press a button and get rid of those feelings, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind style.

The funny thing is I was the one who dumped him. We were already getting pretty serious, and after we hit a rough patch, I figured I could break it up at that point before catching serious feelings. Little did I fucking know! Wow.

Anonymous wrote:Me too. But I can't get mine back. He is married with kids. I too wonder if maybe we will reconnect in the future but that seems terrible to think about since it means the mother of his kids would have to die.

Why don't you want yours back?

Life choices, mainly a career that would support a family life. He's smart, but interested in so many things that he still doesn't have a career. He chose to be free rather than stick to a career path. He regrets it now, but now is too late.

Me too. But I can't get mine back. He is married with kids. I too wonder if maybe we will reconnect in the future but that seems terrible to think about since it means the mother of his kids would have to die.

Why don't you want yours back?

We have been separated for over four years. I am with someone I love and plan to marry. My ex wants different things out of life than I and I don't want to be back in that relationship, but.... I seriously miss him so much and so often think of him. I still cry over him. I am in my 30's, and he is one of 4 significant and long term relationships, but I feel that he was the love of my life. I sometimes day dream of the day that we are both widows and reunited. Is that completely F'ed up!?! Again, I don't want him back, which I could have if I wanted, but I cannot get over him. Can. Not. Will this change with more time? We've been separated longer than we've been together.and I have been with my current boyfriend as long as I was with my ex. We are talking about engagement and our future, which I do want with him. But I can not shake my ex.