Collaborative can be very expensive. Mediation is wonderful if you and your soon to be ex can manage to work together a bit. If you want to talk to a lawyer, Renee Stasio in Friendship Heights is a great attorney and will lay out your options for you.

When I started the divorce process and knew absolutely nothing I started by asking to speak to friends, friends-of-friends, etc about their experiences. I probably spoke to 10 different people who had gotten divorced and just got information about everything, mostly about child support and custody because that was where I was unsure.

I did consult with a few lawyers but I found them to be very short with me and not too helpful.

I think that you first need to do your homework without a lawyer and then figure out what you need a lawyer or mediator for. Lay out each piece and figure out what is typical for your state, what you and your ex can agree on, and what is left to figure out or negotiate.

I did hire a lawyer and wasted $5K in the process because she just took what I gave her and went over it again to make sure I didn't make any mistakes, which I didn't and she didn't need to do that. Then she asked for more money and I fired her and hired a lawyer just to draw up a contract and file it.

Bean Kinney and Korman in Arlington Va. Do mediation of you can.

PP here again: The therapist recommended by my lawyer was Dr. Gail Bleach at Bleach and Associates in Silver Spring, MD. She was a godsend to me, but I imagine there must be plenty of therapists who specialize in this area of practice.

I will say mediation and collaborative stuff only works if you can resolve disputes fairly.

Also in the post-separation days if one partner is getting some action and the other is not that leads to a lot of resentment.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much PP. Could you share the name of your therapist? That's also on my to do list..

I'm in DC so I imagine the Women's Law Center wouldn't work. I will check out New Beginnings.

To the other poster, what is collaborative divorce?

I think PP meant The Women's Center (in Vienna and DC)--therapists and there are seminars on divorce. I got more out of the seminars than a consultation with a lawyer who talked too much and it went a half hour over. Waste of money. You're better off doing mediation but you still need a lawyer.

It will be contentious. You think it won't, but faced with rejection and child support every man suddenly "discovers" his inner Mr. Mom.

Fortunately fees come out of joint marital assets.

Ask a divorced friend for a recommendation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much PP. Could you share the name of your therapist? That's also on my to do list..

I'm in DC so I imagine the Women's Law Center wouldn't work. I will check out New Beginnings.

To the other poster, what is collaborative divorce?

https://www.collaborativepracticedc.com/

I couldn't use this when my first marriage ended because things were so bad due my XH's mental illness. However I am getting married next year and mediation/collaborative divorce is one of the provisions in our prenup. Hoping obviously to never need it.

I only know ONE woman who was able to pull off a collaborative divorce - out of about 100 divorced women. DO NOT DO THIS. And it gets pricey really fast.
And if a collaborative divorce goes south, you need to start all over again with a traditional attorney. All that time and money lost.

OP, talk to friends. Do NOT get recommendations over the Internet from anonymous strangers. If you don't know a lot of divorced people, send out an email to your ten best friends, and ask them to reach out to divorced friends for recommendations. Divorced women really want to help each other and will share names and stories with you.

Find someone that you feel comfortable with. Someone honest and reputable with experience. In the long run, you will save money this way.

Good luck to you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much PP. Could you share the name of your therapist? That's also on my to do list..

I'm in DC so I imagine the Women's Law Center wouldn't work. I will check out New Beginnings.

To the other poster, what is collaborative divorce?

https://www.collaborativepracticedc.com/

I couldn't use this when my first marriage ended because things were so bad due my XH's mental illness. However I am getting married next year and mediation/collaborative divorce is one of the provisions in our prenup. Hoping obviously to never need it.

Thanks so much PP. Could you share the name of your therapist? That's also on my to do list..

I'm in DC so I imagine the Women's Law Center wouldn't work. I will check out New Beginnings.

To the other poster, what is collaborative divorce?

^^Forgot to say that my divorce lawyer recommended the therapist in the first place.

Ask your friends for recommendations. In my case, my therapist offered way more information on what is "normal" and customary in terms of custody and the general divorce process. My lawyer was great, but he was an emotional vacuum. My therapist was an expert witness in many custody cases, specialized in divorce & separation issues, and even helped my ex and I craft our custody agreement.

I referred to my lawyer for confirmation of anything important and the lawyer reviewed the custody plan and made sure to write it up appropriately. I know we saved 10's of thousands having her work with us to create an arrangement that was in the best interest of our child and acceptable to each of us.

Where are you located? Many posters have also recommended contacting the Women's Law Center in Vienna, VA. Another great resource is New Beginnings (a support group for newly separated people -- you don't have to be separated to join). They can really help guide you to other resources and many of those women really know their stuff!!!

Can you do a collaborative divorce?

I'm ready to take the next step, but I'm totally overwhelmed by the process. Right now all I want is someone to spend an hour or so with me and explain the general divorce and custody processes. I've tried understanding the laws by googling and am lost. I tried googling divorce attorneys and seem to find ones hired by the rich and powerful. My budget is tight, and we don't have many assets to divide. I don't expect the process to be especially contentious. I just want to understand what it is, and what the law says about custody arrangements. How do I find someone who deals with normal people? And do they normally offer consultations or do you have to sign on for something more extensive?