OP here. No I have not commented above. I am not looking for advice on my particular situation. I was just curious how other families handle it.

I have ILs who live in another country. When they come dh is so "puzzled" that I ask him to take some time off. After 10 years of marriage I've come to realize I'm better at dealing with them all day than he is. He takes about 1-2 days off for their entire visit. It's a lot for me but he's a good guy so I don't mind.

Arrange this so you can be your best self Op

Assuming DH can not be there. Sit in a quiet place and think about how much time you wish/are able to spend with them. Then set boundaries. Maybe you tell them you will be gone from 8-2pm. Maybe they will be fixing their own lunch. Whatever. Point is - siege control of the situation/your schedule/your availability and ideally let them know ahead of time when generally you will be available and how the household is going to operate. That way they'll know to bring a book.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They used to come for a week. Now they come Thursday-Monday. I have to feed and entertain them. They are usually happy to sit and play with their iPads though.

This is fantastic. If my ILs did that I would be so happy. My ILs wanted me to wait on them hand and foot, AND take them for shopping and sightseeing. Then they came back and napped, while I was expected to cook for them etc.

Just feeding them? I would do this in a heartbeat.

It's not bad at all, just makes me sad that they don't interact with the kids much at all.

He takes some time off. I just do my thing, for the most part, rather than putting a ton of energy into "hosting." Of course, the visits last for weeks, so anything different in terms of how I or DH handles it is not realistic.

I have Fridays off and DH never really takes any time off when they are here. They arrive usually late Thursday night/ early Friday morning and then leave basically at about 7am on Monday (flights are cheaper this way or sometimes they drive this way). So I have them all day pretty much on Fridays when he is working. Its fine, his step dad is insane but it is what it is and he doesn't complain about my family wanting to visit (which is more often, although they are also way more helpful- we get to actually DO things when they are here because they help so much with the kids/ house).

I love my DH, its part of being married, in my eyes anyway.

Well, dh wants to spend time with his folks so, yes, he takes time off. ILs get a little time to hang with the kids, a little one-on-one time with dh. I go on some of the outings and I cook/clean at home.

Anonymous wrote:My ILs wanted me to wait on them hand and foot, AND take them for shopping and sightseeing. Then they came back and napped, while I was expected to cook for them etc.

Just feeding them? I would do this in a heartbeat.

Is this OP?

Anonymous wrote:No. They used to come for a week. Now they come Thursday-Monday. I have to feed and entertain them. They are usually happy to sit and play with their iPads though.

This is fantastic. If my ILs did that I would be so happy. My ILs wanted me to wait on them hand and foot, AND take them for shopping and sightseeing. Then they came back and napped, while I was expected to cook for them etc.

Just feeding them? I would do this in a heartbeat.

Visits are 3-4 weeks and DH will often take one day off. OP are you at a loss for what to do during an IL visit? Do you need some ideas on how to plan or manage it?

No. They used to come for a week. Now they come Thursday-Monday. I have to feed and entertain them. They are usually happy to sit and play with their iPads though.

How far away are they? Mine are 3 hours away and only come for 3 day weekends.

Mine doesn't. He's a physician and it's not easy for him to take time off.

I work out of the home, but if I was a SAHM I would insist he take time off to spend with his parents.

If you SAHM when your IL visits does DH take off work if they visit during the week? Work from home? Do they only visit on the weekends or when he is available?