As others have said, quit taking it personally.

When teen stuff happens (and it will), just say to yourself "my teen isn't in his right mind." By this I mean that it helps to focus on how teenage brains are still developing, and how it's completely normal for them to do all kinds of weird stuff -- acting impulsively, pulling away from family, joking one minute and angsty the next. Just think of it as an incredibly cool science experiment and you're the lab techinican -- j/k, of course this is your child and you cannot (and shouldn't be that detached), however a certain degree of detachment really helps. Keep a sense of humor and remember they still need you and love you a lot. The best gift you can give them is to just let a lot of the teen stuff roll off your back and to remain a constant source of quiet love and support. They will thank you for it -- maybe not now, but when they become young adults!

Signed,

psychologist and mom of two young adults and a teen.

PS: You have my sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for the advice. TQIP is the key, I know.

In my defense, at the community event I was going up to him to see if he needed more money for food. And I turned and walked away when I saw his reaction.

Going to go talk to my 11-year-old about his day now, while he still more than willing to tell me all the details.

I assure you, your kid will find you if he needs money.

OP, I think you're in pretty good shape. Your 14 year old sounds like a dream. Loosen those apron strings a little.

This is a great book too: http://www.amazon.com/Yes-Your-Teen-Crazy-Without/dp/0936197447

I am just starting "The Teenage Brain" by the neurologist France Jensen. I am hoping it will be insightful!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for the advice. TQIP is the key, I know.

In my defense, at the community event I was going up to him to see if he needed more money for food. And I turned and walked away when I saw his reaction.

Going to go talk to my 11-year-old about his day now, while he still more than willing to tell me all the details.

I assure you, your kid will find you if he needs money.

Not if you are leaving.

My teen has a rule that I've had for her since 4th grade, when she experimented with being embarrassed by me in public: if you act like you're too embarrassed to hug me in public, I will embarrass you MUCH WORSE and make you kiss me, plus I will lick my hand to smooth your hair before asking if your yeast infection has cleared up yet. Once I instituted this rule, I began getting regular hugs hello and goodbye from her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for the advice. TQIP is the key, I know.

In my defense, at the community event I was going up to him to see if he needed more money for food. And I turned and walked away when I saw his reaction.

Going to go talk to my 11-year-old about his day now, while he still more than willing to tell me all the details.

I assure you, your kid will find you if he needs money.

Not if you are leaving.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for the advice. TQIP is the key, I know.

In my defense, at the community event I was going up to him to see if he needed more money for food. And I turned and walked away when I saw his reaction.

Going to go talk to my 11-year-old about his day now, while he still more than willing to tell me all the details.

I assure you, your kid will find you if he needs money.

Thanks everyone for the advice. TQIP is the key, I know.

In my defense, at the community event I was going up to him to see if he needed more money for food. And I turned and walked away when I saw his reaction.

Going to go talk to my 11-year-old about his day now, while he still more than willing to tell me all the details.

Anonymous wrote:The most important advice about dealing with teens:

QTIP

Quit
Taking
It
Personally

Seriously, if you can do this, you will weather the teen years so much more comfortably.

+1

And consider taking this class, if you can:

http://pepparent.org/classes-programs/parenting-teens/thriving-with-teens/

It is excellent.

The most important advice about dealing with teens:

QTIP

Quit
Taking
It
Personally

Seriously, if you can do this, you will weather the teen years so much more comfortably.

Firstly, you're lucky it's just starting now. Secondly it will get worse before it gets better. Thirdly I did well to think of myself almost like a table. I was sturdy and reliable and often had things he wanted. I literally cringed when I read that you went to chat with your son in public. Of course he cringed-your mere existence as it connects to him is an embarrassment. My son, now 23, is a kind, sweet guy who even as a mamas boy, once asked me to not talk so much around his friends. I'm simply not that sensitive so I laughed. Teen years are a very self centered time. Wait them out. Be there with lots of food and a little money.

My 14-year-old boy is a good kid, really. He gets good grades, never been in trouble, and (generally) does everything around the house he's asked to. But I can see the teen attitude creeping in around the edges. For example, I ask him a question about school I might get a withering look or shortened, somewhat dismissive response. He'll come up and talk to me about school on his own, but when I initiate the conversation it doesn't go well. We were at a community event this summer and I went to go talk to him while he was with friends and he physically recoiled at the sight of me. I know this is the normal pulling away and I'm lucky this is all I'm dealing with, but it's breaking my heart. If I take it personally and end up snapping at him, it'll just get worse, right? Moms who have been there, how do you ride out this period until they "come back" to you?