Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 38 year old SIL is constantly strung along. It's so obvious to everyone but her. She is desperate to find someone to marry and she is repeatedly put in to a situation where she is waiting for a guy. Waiting for him to work on his problems in life, end his marriage, get over his divorce, his kids aren't ready for him to date, he's having health problems, and so on.
It always ends badly for her.

Sounds like she seeks out "unavailable" men. Some women do this. There's a whole cottage industry of therapists who deal with this.

PP here. Bottom feeders are the only ones that seem to give her the time of day. They're always full of problems. She's a 38 year old single mom, never married, never lived on her own.
Lives with her 65 year old mom. I am a believer that we don't attract what we want, we attract what we are. Until she's willing to step up and become something, her cycle will repeat.

Anonymous wrote:My 38 year old SIL is constantly strung along. It's so obvious to everyone but her. She is desperate to find someone to marry and she is repeatedly put in to a situation where she is waiting for a guy. Waiting for him to work on his problems in life, end his marriage, get over his divorce, his kids aren't ready for him to date, he's having health problems, and so on.
It always ends badly for her.

Sounds like she seeks out "unavailable" men. Some women do this. There's a whole cottage industry of therapists who deal with this.

No.

You are being strung along if the other person repeatedly promises something about the relationship they never deliver on, anywhere from an engagement/marriage to when you're going out again. I was strong along once in college, long-distance relationship where my boyfriend kept promising he was going to have me come visit, meet his friends, etc., but then found excuses to push it off. I don't know why, whether he was dating someone else there, or just didn't want to introduce me as his girlfriend, but I really didn't care, I just ended it.

You know you are being strung along when there are repeated red flags that arise and something strikes you wrong instinctively.
When you find yourself making excuses for the person you're dating, or hiding things about them from people that you care about.
When you're repeatedly being let down, when they start making excuses on a regular basis for why things aren't happening as they should.
When you're obviously the last on the priority list and everything else comes first.

Desperate people tolerate this.

Yes I was strung along. Wasn't obvious until he didn't meet our agreement not once, but twice regarding being engaged and married. I left after the second but wish I had left much sooner. He violated me and I won't let it happen again.

Other than him, I think their are many men that *believe* they want marriage but are not ready for it. If the person doesn't seem ready and you don't want to wait years, then time to move on.

Are you getting laid? If yes, stop worrying. If no, you are being strung along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never have been.

Excellent contribution. Very helpful and insightful.

It responds to one of OPs questions.

My 38 year old SIL is constantly strung along. It's so obvious to everyone but her. She is desperate to find someone to marry and she is repeatedly put in to a situation where she is waiting for a guy. Waiting for him to work on his problems in life, end his marriage, get over his divorce, his kids aren't ready for him to date, he's having health problems, and so on.
It always ends badly for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never have been.

Excellent contribution. Very helpful and insightful.

and besides acting like a complete asshat, what exactly did you to do to contribute to this insightful exchange?

I was strung along. I started dating an old college friend, we both lived in the same city but hadn't seen each other for a while and got back in touch over the holidays. We were both single and sort of fell into seeing each other. But we went from one night a week to one night every two weeks and I think no weekends, ever. He would visit his mother on weekends (yes seriously) or be in group activities with long term friends. It was slow and painful and it meant we didn't have the chance to get closer, it just became more casual. I broke it off when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, realizing I needed more. He then stepped up to say he'd give me more, but it was too late, I was too disappointed and had other things to work on.

Nope. I don't subscribe to the belief that there are Machiavellian daters out there who are dating for the sole purpose of.... I dont know what. Wasting their own time? Getting someone else's hopes up just for the sick pleasure of seeing disappoint?

Nope. Dating takes time/money investment from both sides, so I tend to believe that if the relationship doesn't progress in the way i wanted it to, that I did something to mess it up. Or we aren't compatible. Or they realize I'm not the one for them.

But think that I've been "strung along"- somehow bamboozled? Nah.

Anonymous wrote:I never have been.

Excellent contribution. Very helpful and insightful.

I never have been.

Have any of you been strung along in a relationship before? What was that like? When did you realize you were being strung along and decided to quit?