Anonymous
09/11/2015 00:20
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I will tell you a story of a B-C student in the 90's in NOVA. She took plenty of AP classes and worked her tail off, but the material just didn't connect on a classroom level. She would regularly get 3's on AP exams and felt like the most unremarkable girl in the world (did I mentioned she was a gangle mess with frizzy hair).
She ended up at a state U in the southeast. And she found her own voice and love of learning because it was already there. She did incredibly well, graduated summa and did peace corps. She ended up in a PhD program at an IVY (she shit her pants when she was accepted. It was literally one of the best moments of her life) in International Relations, which she loved. She now is a grown up with slighly less frizzy hair and is less of a mess, but is a happy well adjusted tenured professor. She's a happy woman, she knits, and runs, and juggles small kids and a full life. She's happy. Because she went after what was interesting and right for her and kept trying. She kept pushing and she didn't give up even though she wasn't the best. She was good enough for her and she got better. Because that's all that matters.
Tell your DD to keep trying. Keep looking to grow and learn and see what's in the world. It's so much bigger than high school. OP, it's so much bigger than even you. But she has to keep that love of learning there and a willingness to not be the best because that is where true, real growth is.
GL
Great story! Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 15:41
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
OP, I will tell you a story of a B-C student in the 90's in NOVA. She took plenty of AP classes and worked her tail off, but the material just didn't connect on a classroom level. She would regularly get 3's on AP exams and felt like the most unremarkable girl in the world (did I mentioned she was a gangle mess with frizzy hair).
She ended up at a state U in the southeast. And she found her own voice and love of learning because it was already there. She did incredibly well, graduated summa and did peace corps. She ended up in a PhD program at an IVY (she shit her pants when she was accepted. It was literally one of the best moments of her life) in International Relations, which she loved. She now is a grown up with slighly less frizzy hair and is less of a mess, but is a happy well adjusted tenured professor. She's a happy woman, she knits, and runs, and juggles small kids and a full life. She's happy. Because she went after what was interesting and right for her and kept trying. She kept pushing and she didn't give up even though she wasn't the best. She was good enough for her and she got better. Because that's all that matters.
Tell your DD to keep trying. Keep looking to grow and learn and see what's in the world. It's so much bigger than high school. OP, it's so much bigger than even you. But she has to keep that love of learning there and a willingness to not be the best because that is where true, real growth is.
GL
She ended up at a state U in the southeast. And she found her own voice and love of learning because it was already there. She did incredibly well, graduated summa and did peace corps. She ended up in a PhD program at an IVY (she shit her pants when she was accepted. It was literally one of the best moments of her life) in International Relations, which she loved. She now is a grown up with slighly less frizzy hair and is less of a mess, but is a happy well adjusted tenured professor. She's a happy woman, she knits, and runs, and juggles small kids and a full life. She's happy. Because she went after what was interesting and right for her and kept trying. She kept pushing and she didn't give up even though she wasn't the best. She was good enough for her and she got better. Because that's all that matters.
Tell your DD to keep trying. Keep looking to grow and learn and see what's in the world. It's so much bigger than high school. OP, it's so much bigger than even you. But she has to keep that love of learning there and a willingness to not be the best because that is where true, real growth is.
GL
Anonymous
09/10/2015 12:52
Subject: Re:DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
I don't have much helpful advice, op. But this makes me so sad to read - and I could see something similar in the future of one of my kids. Your daughter sounds awesome. Since when did someone who maintains a B average, is a hard worker and curious student become sub-par - crazy! Why do we make kids feel this way? (I don't mean you in particular op, I mean the royal "we" of our generation.) No way was every successful, well educated adult I know a solid A student with perfect SATs back in their youth. I do think as a parent I would focus on building her self-esteem because she should be proud of what she's accomplishing and excited about her future!
Anonymous
09/09/2015 23:50
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
OP here. We've had a talk about some of the things mentioned in this thread. I think things will fall into place once she gains some maturity because she's having a hard time grasping this. She's been to therapy for her self esteem issues.
Anonymous
09/08/2015 06:11
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
There's nothing wrong with the schools your daughter is considering. My HS senior daughter (700 M and 720 V) is applying to Salisbury b/c it's got a wonderful honors program. Please let your daughter know that there will be bright and motivated and interesting students at all colleges, and she only needs a handful of like-minded people in order to feel at home!
Anonymous
09/07/2015 17:10
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
There is a college out there for her!
My SN kid had really bad SATs (think under 500 on all three sections) but decent grades and tries hard. He applied to three nice schools and got in all three. Maybe meet with a college consultant who can help her see that not everyone goes to a top tier university and she needs to find the one that is right for HER unique needs.
My SN kid had really bad SATs (think under 500 on all three sections) but decent grades and tries hard. He applied to three nice schools and got in all three. Maybe meet with a college consultant who can help her see that not everyone goes to a top tier university and she needs to find the one that is right for HER unique needs.
Anonymous
09/06/2015 17:37
Subject: Re:DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
There are plenty of real world examples of folks who were not stand out students that end up extremely successful. Research some of them and slip some info about them into conversation. A friend of mine says that studies show the "A" students end up working for the B students in life. . . find out if that is true.
I personally know lawyer who went to went to an incredibly not "top notch" law school because its the only place he could get in. He did well there, transferred to a slightly better school in the area (because the school he was at was threatening to close due to budget problems). He now is a name partner at a very successful law firm in town (has three homes etc., etc.) He has a lot of awesome skills but great grades and test scores were not his thing (I infer this based on his initial struggle to get into a "good" law school).
I personally know lawyer who went to went to an incredibly not "top notch" law school because its the only place he could get in. He did well there, transferred to a slightly better school in the area (because the school he was at was threatening to close due to budget problems). He now is a name partner at a very successful law firm in town (has three homes etc., etc.) He has a lot of awesome skills but great grades and test scores were not his thing (I infer this based on his initial struggle to get into a "good" law school).
Anonymous
09/06/2015 13:05
Subject: Re:DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
This is more a self-esteem problem than anything. I'd focus on that. There are always going to be people smarter than her, and people who are not as smart as she is. She needs to learn to compete against herself. To make progress from her best, not someone else's.
Anonymous
09/06/2015 12:22
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
She's definitely aware of her problems and in some ways I think it's causing her more stress. She feels as though she can't help it(which is somewhat true). DD has been to counseling and it hasn't helped. Her father isn't any help in the situation and he just keeps saying she'll grow out of it, she's only a kid. I think Towson is a decent school as well, although possibly a bit large for her learning needs.
Anonymous
09/06/2015 11:46
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
I know kids from NYC who aim for Towson. There's nothing wrong with state schools.
Anonymous
09/06/2015 10:18
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
Anonymous wrote:Well she has cerebral palsy and while her cognitive functions are not as bad as expected, she has struggled with reading comprehension as well as social and emotional problems. I feel like those could be getting in the way of her performance. She pretty much stays to herself and is quiet. But she likes to joke around and be funny, so she's good at getting people to laugh. Otherwise, sadly I'm not certain if she's good at anything else.
OK, well this explains some of it. I don't know much about CP, but, since you stated she has issues, it's no surprise then that she would struggle. I think you might be better off in the SN forum with parents that can understand your family's situation better.
I take it she knows she has these learning issues?
Anonymous
09/06/2015 10:14
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
Well she has cerebral palsy and while her cognitive functions are not as bad as expected, she has struggled with reading comprehension as well as social and emotional problems. I feel like those could be getting in the way of her performance. She pretty much stays to herself and is quiet. But she likes to joke around and be funny, so she's good at getting people to laugh. Otherwise, sadly I'm not certain if she's good at anything else.
Anonymous
09/06/2015 09:43
Subject: Re:DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
Have you ever tested her for a learning disability? I wonder, if she is studying hard, and really trying, could she maybe be having trouble concentrating and retaining or processing information? Kind of a little late for grades, but, it might help her understand why she can't get beyond that B.
I see absolutely no problem with someone going to community college for two years and then transferring. From what I have heard, it's easier to transfer from a community college to a good univ. than go in straight out of HS. I have no idea if this is true, but anecdotally, my friend did that very thing into Cal (though this was some years ago).
Also, there are many many people who do well in life who have gone to a state university, myself included. All the experts say, working hard and not giving up will trump smarts. I would focus on how hard she works. That will get her far in life, too.
But, I can understand how your DD feels, especially if she is surrounded by high achievers. Does she have anything outside of school that she likes and is good at?
I see absolutely no problem with someone going to community college for two years and then transferring. From what I have heard, it's easier to transfer from a community college to a good univ. than go in straight out of HS. I have no idea if this is true, but anecdotally, my friend did that very thing into Cal (though this was some years ago).
Also, there are many many people who do well in life who have gone to a state university, myself included. All the experts say, working hard and not giving up will trump smarts. I would focus on how hard she works. That will get her far in life, too.
But, I can understand how your DD feels, especially if she is surrounded by high achievers. Does she have anything outside of school that she likes and is good at?
Anonymous
09/06/2015 09:40
Subject: Re:DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
You know what, I am very impressed by your daughter for taking the AP courses, even if she got Cs. So many kid play it safe and take the easy grade, and they don't learn. Your kid is learning. She gained valuable lessons past the course content from taking that course. Not everyone sails through easily on grades. Actually learning content is more important, as is learning critical thinking. These are the knowledge bases and skills necessary to succeed in life. And there' s so much more "life" after applying and getting into college. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it's true.
So, I'd start by telling her that. Ask her to focus on her strengths. A love of learning is a HUGE strength, don't underestimate it at all. I think you guys should research colleges just like everyone else, apply for a couple of reach schools, a few "likely" schools, and a few safe schools, just like everyone else. If she gets into a school she is less than thrilled with, maybe you guys can work with that, telling her to do one or two years there, keep the grades up, and look at transferring later. Not everyone takes the traditional path through college. But she's not set in stone for life with whatever the acceptances are.
So, I'd start by telling her that. Ask her to focus on her strengths. A love of learning is a HUGE strength, don't underestimate it at all. I think you guys should research colleges just like everyone else, apply for a couple of reach schools, a few "likely" schools, and a few safe schools, just like everyone else. If she gets into a school she is less than thrilled with, maybe you guys can work with that, telling her to do one or two years there, keep the grades up, and look at transferring later. Not everyone takes the traditional path through college. But she's not set in stone for life with whatever the acceptances are.
Anonymous
09/06/2015 09:21
Subject: DD seems down about school performance, how to help?
DD is a senior this year. She's a relatively smart girl with a B average, but she's not good at standardized testing. After several attempts with the SAT and ACT she could only score 540M/500V and 23 composite ACT. Even AP's were a struggle for her, as she obtained her first C's of her high school career. She loves learning for the sake of it, but I have noticed that she tends to breakdown when subjects become challenging for her as made evident in her performance in her AP classes last year. Her counselor suggested that she shoot for state schools like Towson and Salisbury. She cried at home while talking with DH and I because in her words, she's an idiot and feels like a failure. She says her peers are applying to better colleges and she's trying as hard as she can. I am afraid that things will not turn out well for her because she's always saying that she's not good enough for anything.