Anonymous wrote:You inquired too early. Stop being a shit.

Tell my MIL this - PLEASE! She starts trying to lock down holiday plans around Valentine's Day. It's ridiculous. Drives me crazy. Her only other child is married to an only child with deceased parents, so they don't have any other family to coordinate with. Luckily my family sees the situation I'm in and humors me when I start begging to make plans in July so that she doesn't just show up here for Halloween and stay through New Years. She's a nice lady but failing mentally and really, really looks forward to these trips.

Anonymous wrote:OK, OK, I will ask again later.

18:57 here, good call OP. Hope you can come up with a good compromise for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:Older people can get a little addled. You've done your part. I might have called instead of emailed. A lot can get lost in text.

+1

OK, OK, I will ask again later.

You inquired too early. Stop being a shit.

I think you're reaching OP. Don't make assumptions about how she is supposed to answer vs how she does. Be direct and tell her you are trying to make holiday plans, perhaps to get together and what are her thoughts. My granfmother was cold and I didn't like goin over, neither did my mom so we rarely did. Can't help but think that cycle perpetuated and that's a reason we never got close, never really got a chance to know us and vice versa.

Are you serious? If my adult children asked me this same question they'd get the same answer. Can we get past Labor Day first?

Anonymous wrote:OP here - agree, it was a quick response. And yes, she is addled. But if a relative asked ME what my holiday plans were, I'd assume they were trying to get together and I'd indicate if I was interested & available or not. This response = Not Interested. My kids hate going there anyway - her house is a museum (sterile with lots of valuable breakables) and she's not very warm.

You're looking for a reason not to get together. Her response does not indicate not interested. It equals she hasn't thought about it yet and your very premature question caught her off guard.

OP here - agree, it was a quick response. And yes, she is addled. But if a relative asked ME what my holiday plans were, I'd assume they were trying to get together and I'd indicate if I was interested & available or not. This response = Not Interested. My kids hate going there anyway - her house is a museum (sterile with lots of valuable breakables) and she's not very warm.

I mean if she likes football and lives in Texas, what did you expect? It's a HUGE deal down there. Just pick what you are going to do, and tell her your plans.

I don't know, but expecting an answer before Labor Day seems a bit early and I'm a huge planner.

I think she got an email and just gave it a quick/immediate response. I don't think that it seems dismissive.

Older people can get a little addled. You've done your part. I might have called instead of emailed. A lot can get lost in text.

Well, sounds like you are having the holidays at your house! Now you don't have to worry about trying to plan travel. If they want to come, are they invited?

I'm not a sports fan, but doesn't football season last into January or something? Or at least well past Thanksgiving?

I've done my share of MIL bashing, so I reached out to try to be a good DIL and arrange some holiday plans. I emailed MIL asking, what are your holiday plans re: t'giving, xmas? (I wrote these things out in a nice email; no text-speak) She writes back, "I haven't even thought of it. Have to get thru football season first." Yes, she lives in Texas. Not - we'd love to see you; I hope you can visit us, etc. So let's be real - I've done my part here. I can't bring myself to drop $2k on airfare and car rental to spend my holidays with them. And frankly, if I don't make the arrangements, no one will. C'est la vie.