My son was born at 32 weeks and we thought we would "only" have to deal with finite but intensive therapies for him to get over his developmental delays - OT, PT, speech, even play therapy.

Wrong. After that, he was diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's. The delays are mostly gone (still some issues with fine motor and coordination), but those disorders have to be managed and minimized, not cured, over time.

Take-away: you have to be a trooper. It's your only option! Take a bit of time to yourself to recharge regularly, otherwise you won't be able to look after him. Hypervigilance: one issue may be masking another. Also, your child may have gifts you would never have suspected! My son is gifted in music and started reading grown-up books at 7.

My oldest is in 7th grade. About 6 months before he started K, we realized something was going on. Anxiety was clearly an issue (he refused to get into a moon bounce if there was even 1 kid that he didn't know; he was refusing to go to birthday parties because there would be 'new' kids). We met with a psychologist and had an OT evaluation. The OT eval reviewed gross/fine motor delays and motor planning/coordination issues. We later had a speech evaluation and he had a 2 year expressive/receptive delay. We started OT/ST. We kicked off the IEP process in December of his K year only to be told that 'nothing about your child stands out' and the school declined to do their own evaluations even though we had plenty of private evals that indicated significant delays in all areas. But, DS had no behavioral issues, was social and happy to go to school, he didn't stand out. We got an advocate, got a dev ped evaluation and an ADHD diagnosis. That got us an IEP at the end of K but DS wasn't reading before he left K.

DS is now in 7th grade and now presents as a very typical kid. He reads above grade level but avoid writing and is well below grade level in math. Yet, he's come so very far, I no longer have the concerns I once did. In many ways, he's still on the lower end of the developmental scale. But, he actually has great emotional intelligence and great insight. He's had so many interventions and we've talked a lot about his challenge and why he is the way he is. His self awareness much btter than many of his peers. We also just went to the middle school open house. I was stunned at the number of kids that greeted him. To hear him talk, he's a nobody at school. Yet, what I'm seeing tells me he's really well liked. He's not a 'popular' kid but it's clear that he's well liked.

Have hope! (I'm going to have to repeat that to myself because his younger brother's challenges are far more significant).

I channel Dory from 'Finding Nemo", just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Think tortoise, not hare.

I love this. It captures what I do really well. (Although sometimes I get caught up in worry).

Op, I don't know what your childcare needs are, and social needs, but you do not have to send him to preschool if that adds stress. He's only 3.5. In another year he'll be further potty trained, he'll be more mature, probably less behavioral issues. I would look for ways - always - to lessen stress (and only you know if preschool helps or hurts your stress)

Keep doing what you are doing - finding out from people what worked. In our case, we were recommended a private kindergarten with a very experienced kindergarten teacher. She has done wonders with the individual attention she gave DC and DC is still reaping the benefits years later. Individual attention is key.

I am a runner so read this in a running article: "run the mile you're in." So true and has helped me immensely as my mantra with my DS. So many things I worried/obsessed over turned out okay. It is so hard at your stage but most of the time it works out and when you think back you will think back ( hopefully) why did I worry so much about this and/ or you will barely remember. Wish I could offer more than platitudes as I do know what you are going through!

Note on the potty training--my son wasn't potty trained until the week of his 4th bday. I spent a year going back and forth stressing and not stressing etc. etc and really, once it happened it was so clear to me that he and his little body just had not been ready, and when they were, it was easy.
Just wanted to share that it is possible that as he gets older that is likely to come together just fine.

You're doing everything you should be doing! Relax, and just take things one day at a time. Be flexible and patient. These kids are capable of really amazing things, but they do it on their own timelines!

Your child sounds like a delight, OP. I had to smile at the loves to snuggle part.

Our DS was premature and had a lot of services from the county for delays. He's now 8 and mostly all caught up. Be thankful he's happy. That's the most important thing. It sounds like you have all the right therapies going now just take some time to relax and enjoy your son.

Many of us on this board have SN children who are very sad, anxious, depressed, frustrated and so forth and we would love to see our own children so happy.

Anonymous wrote:Hi all. My son was premature and has had delays - gross motor, which are mostly outgrown, and now fine motor and some speech some, possibly auditory processing problems. He is having a ton of behavioral issues at 3.5. Potty training is not going very well. On the bright side, he is bright and happy and social and loving and loves to snuggle. I am just dreading school and dealing with the new preschool teachers this year as we try to puzzle some more what is going on. I feel like he is always going to struggle, and I really worry about what all of these signs indicate. We are working with a dev ped and do OT and ST, etc. I just need a little encouragement today because I feel down, I guess.

Kudos to you for tapping into getting the help your kid needs! Hang in there.

My child with ASD just started his second week of college classes and seems to be doing well and actually developing a few early friendships.

My younger child with profound LDs and ADHD is getting ready to start his junior year. He did well last year with his first AP class and this summer I am teaching him how to drive. It will be a longer learning curve,but my prefvous fears of him not being able to learn to how to drive seem to be at bay, he just needs more practice than the average dude. Plus, he is finally able to read the sports section of the newspaper.

I channel Dory from 'Finding Nemo", just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Think tortoise, not hare. Don't forget to take care of yourself (and your relationship with your DH and your other children)and don't forget to make sure everyone gets fun activities and not just therapies. Sometimes concetrating on the strengths helps too. Balancing acts are my specialty now and I seem to have gift for breaking things up into smaller achieveable steps. These are skills that need to be developed, they do not come naturally.

I don't mean to minimize, but three is a tough year.

You are doing everything you can! You are working with the right people (Dev Ped, OT etc).

1 year ago my 3.75 yr old said momma for the 1st time since his autism.. last night my son said 3 continuous sentences to me in conversation. At 3.5, I didn't know if he would ever speak... a year can change everything!

The new year is scary but our little ones surprise us!! Wishing you and your little one a great new year!

Anonymous wrote:Hi all. My son was premature and has had delays - gross motor, which are mostly outgrown, and now fine motor and some speech some, possibly auditory processing problems. He is having a ton of behavioral issues at 3.5. Potty training is not going very well. On the bright side, he is bright and happy and social and loving and loves to snuggle. I am just dreading school and dealing with the new preschool teachers this year as we try to puzzle some more what is going on. I feel like he is always going to struggle, and I really worry about what all of these signs indicate. We are working with a dev ped and do OT and ST, etc. I just need a little encouragement today because I feel down, I guess.

Deep breath. We all worry but the key is not passing the worry onto your child. Do something good for you and cherish the fact he is bright and happy and social and loving! You are doing well, Mama!

Hi all. My son was premature and has had delays - gross motor, which are mostly outgrown, and now fine motor and some speech some, possibly auditory processing problems. He is having a ton of behavioral issues at 3.5. Potty training is not going very well. On the bright side, he is bright and happy and social and loving and loves to snuggle. I am just dreading school and dealing with the new preschool teachers this year as we try to puzzle some more what is going on. I feel like he is always going to struggle, and I really worry about what all of these signs indicate. We are working with a dev ped and do OT and ST, etc. I just need a little encouragement today because I feel down, I guess.