OP here - thank you again for the supportive and good suggestions. We have encouraged her to engage in activities outside of school to explore her own interests and to meet other kids with similar interests. So far that haasn't been so successful socially, but we'll keep at it. I think it's the best route, but a bit complicated logistically when both parents are working. We also are encouraging her to get stuck in at school with one activity, like a sport (unlikely!) or drama or student government, since it comes with its own group of kids and eventually she will feel like she fits in.

My first instinct is to not let her be mean to herself like that. Just say it right out 'you would not say that to another person, don't treat yourself like that. You are precious and gorgeous so be kind and support yourself.'

What worked for me in teen years was to spread my network. We had some mean cliques at school and there was a lot of unhappiness, but I had a lot of outside school activities going and made a lot of good connections that way. I experienced myself differently than the messages coming toward me through school hierarchy and knew it was not the only option.

Teen years are full of new meetings, new connections, but sometimes within school kids act like everything is set in stone. We all know how illusory that is.

How do you know what church to join?

Unless you can convince her to join a sports team, consider joining a church for the youth groups. Seriously. Instant group of fun friends and generally good adult leaders. Don't worry about what you will do at the church, just do it for her.

Even if your DD were the perfect weight/height/prettiness/popularity she might have low self-esteem. I would deal with the feelings, not the outside package. Joining more clubs may not be the answer. She sounds depressed.

OP here - you all are the best! Thank you for the encouraging words and suggestions - all good ones. It helps to put this in perspective. I will do just as suggested, especially about a bit more exercise (although with school starting and school sports, that may be ok soon) but also outside clubs and pursuing other interests.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I'm sorry. I know that hurts as a parent. It sounds like you are already doing the most important thing by keeping your lines of communication open and loving and demonstrating your support. What do you think about enrolling her in an activity she's interested in? Or encourafing her to join group or club? She might feel more comfortable and make better friends with those who share common interests. And I think it was wonderful of you to offer her what she wants to make her feel better physically. I would tell her again that you are up for anything within reason to help her feel as beautiful as she truly is.

I think it's good that she is expressing her feelings to you like that. It says a lot about the type of relationship that you have with your daughter - you are doing a really great job if she feels safe to vent to you like that.

I also think that sometimes our kids know just what to say to drive a dagger through our hearts. She's probably not happy with you because of the move and she wants you to feel bad for uprooting her like this. How do I know this? We just moved a year ago too! I have tween/teen boys. It has been an adjustment and they really miss their friends, family and routines from back home. I can't blame them - I miss home too . But at the same time, being in our new area has held a lot of good things for us too. It's going to take time for us.

Now back to what your daughter said. If it makes you feel any better, there would probably have been angst and drama and self doubt even if you had not moved. And she would likely have been envying the "in" crowd regardless. It is part of being a teenager. The best thing we can do is try to encourage them to get involved at school and to try new things. If one thing isn't a fit maybe something else will be. Also, making home an oasis where she can listen to her music, hang with her family, have her favorite foods does help. Also - daily exercise. Bike riding, walking the dog, jogging really, really helps to take those hormones down a notch. Hang in there.

It's just that the teens who are pretty and thin are good at drawing attention to themselves and that's why your girl notices them. There are other girls who feel like she does. She should look out for those girls and befriend them. Always look for people who look on the outside the way you feel on the inside. When I remember to do that at parties it always works.

I am so sad - not sure what to do. She's mostly fine, but lonely after our move, even a year later, with few friends, and she says other teens seem to be so cool and tall and thin and pretty. DD is very pretty (in my biased opinion) and maybe could be a bit thinner and do more exercise, but doesn't have a real weight problem - basically a healthy eater.

Don't know what to do next - lots of support, obviously, but not sure if this is something that needs some professional advice or should I just let it run it's course while keeping an eye on it? I offered her anything she can think of to make it better - from a fashion makeover to a joint exercise push.