Anonymous wrote:Failing builds character and self confidence.

It can, but it still sucks.

Hang in there OP - try not to dwell on it. My DC had a pretty big disappointment several years ago and I knew of several parents who had "advocated" for their DCs to get what my child did not end up getting. I felt terrible and conflicted as to whether I should have down the same to level the playing field. I listened to my DC, but kept it all to myself and didn't offer up any excuses (even if they were valid). DC had no idea that I felt as bad as he did. Several years later DC is excelling and achieving things neither of us could have imagined. That early setback was a huge motivator. One of the same "advocating" parents told their DC (who was experiencing his 1st disappointment) that my DC only got it because I had talked to the coaches, which I hadn't done. That kid ended up quitting the sport a few months later.

We hurt for our kids sometimes even more than they hurt themselves. I tell my kids all the time that failure with real effort is fine, and is just a part of life (including mine).

I was reading an interview on two books this week that talked about how too many parents lived through their kids. Not criticising I saw myself here to. But one of them said remember yes you are raising kids, but focus on the fact that actually your goal is to raise an adult. If this helps them be a better adult, then you are helping them.

Anonymous wrote:Just remember that failing is as important and experience as succeeding. DC is building resilience, which is actually more important to long term success than almost anything else.

+1. It's so hard to see as a parent but it's incredibly important that our children are given the chance to fail and come back from it.

sending bucketloads of commiseration! there's a difference between life lessons for your DC and knowing that they have to learn them, and just the sheer pain of not having everything go their way - it's the absolute worst part of being a parent, because it's just not going to happen, and there's not much you can do other than be there

I hear you, OP. Even though I know that striving for things that aren't guaranteed and dealing with disappointment when it doesn't work out are important things to learn, my heart aches terribly for them when they're disappointed.

Failing builds character and self confidence.

Never being disappointed creates a very fragile young adult with no sense of reality and anninability to function in the real world.

Just remember that failing is as important and experience as succeeding. DC is building resilience, which is actually more important to long term success than almost anything else.

I've only felt this way when there was an element of unfairness to the presumed "failure" i.e. the coach was biased towards certain children therefore my kid didn't make the team (confirmed via email before the trolls come out), but I always try to tell my kid, one door closed opens another....and lo and behold, another great opportunity came along. If your kid is taking everything in stride, try and change your mindset around disappointment- this might open another door for him very soon. Hugs to you OP, but chin up!

Coming here to vent about MY emotional turmoil of seeing my DC disappointed after working so hard toward something and getting a negative outcome. DC is handling the disappointment fine and is moving on but I feel so sorry inside. I'm doing a good job of keeping it to myself. I just did not anticipate this emotional part of parenting as they approach adulthood. This sucks.

I would always say to my DC - life is full of disappointments - I guess I'm the one that doesn't know how to deal with it. LOL!

Not asking for advice - becasue I know I need to backup - just friendly commiseration if others have experienced something similar.