I'm a little dead inside because I'm a single parent (deployed co-parent) who doesn't have time to date. (rarely have a sitter and when I do, there are generally things I'd rather do than meet some random guy from online.) I'd love to date and eventually get married, but at this point in time, it's way down the list. So I've had to kind of put sex and love and passion on the back-burner.

It helps if you can find other things that fuel other passions. I love music, so going to really good concerts can make me feel alive. Spending lots of time in nature makes me feel alive. Having fun with friends helps.

There's no reason you *have* to date at all times. Take a break. At some point, someone compelling may come along and you'll realize you're ready again. good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Sexless marriage is the quickest way to feeling dead inside.

X infiniti

I have been there, too. There are some good guys out there, but they seem to be the exception instead of the norm.

I don't want to change my way of thinking to accept infidelity as part of a long term relationship. I really am monogamous. But sometimes I wonder if the only way to stay married for most couples is to accept infidelity. That just sucks.

OP, even though you say your feelings are not fear based, it sounds like they probably are. I know that the hardest part for me is fearing that my own ability to judge someone's character is broken.

Give dating a rest for a while and work on some friendships.

Anonymous wrote:I feel dead inside too. I'm married a walking wounded type. He said that one of the things that drew him to me was my nurturing nature (a quality his mother lacked.) 20 years later, we are in a sexless, marriage and he doesn't miss any chance to passive-aggressively demean me, especially in front of the kids. This was a quality that his mother didn't lack.)

If I confront the bull shit comments that are obviously meant to make me feel bad, he explodes with everything but the kitchen sink of my faults. Mostly I just ignore it. I don't know why people can't be direct and say what they mean, especially when kids are involved. He's setting a terrible example for our kids and doesn't care just so he can make his demeaning digs in.

Damn- that is awful. I can't understand people that act like that and especially do it in front of kids. That's how this stuff perpetuates.

Yes. My husband is a cheating lying scumbag. I forgave him before (biggest mistake) and just found out he's been on all these websites. I'm the one from long AM thread who's pregnant. It's like a nightmare. When I wake up in the morning I feel pretty good but within a few minutes I remember what's happened and can hardly get myself out of bed. It just sucks on every level. If we didn't already have a child I'd not even let him near the house. I truly hate him right now. I can't even have a revenge affair because I'm pregnant. So of course my sex life is shot too even though my hormones have me going nuts with lust.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ever just feel dead inside?

No, not really. Should I get married?

Well good for you.

FYI, most people that get that 'dead inside' feeling do so because there is something missing and circumstances exacerbate it, not because they are married.

Anonymous wrote:Ever just feel dead inside?

No, not really. Should I get married?

Sexless marriage is the quickest way to feeling dead inside.

I definitely agree with those who have suggested counseling. I recently found out about a month and a half ago that my spouse cheated on me and had a one night stand. Together 8 years, no kids. I am still unsure of what path I want to take, but I just started seeing a therapist and it has been extremely helpful. It is making things a lot clearer in my head so I can make a rational decision and it has also been a huge help in the healing process.

OP, I divorced twenty years ago. Since then, I had one relationship that lasted a few years and a few short ones. In every single case, we either broke up because they were cheating or I later found out they had been cheating. I am now middle-aged and lonely. Get to a counselor now. Giving it time isn't enough because you can't fix this on your own. Hugs to you!

OP it sounds like you feel very disillusioned and disappointed. I am very sorry these things happened to you.

I agree that taking care of yourself and learning to live as a single person happily is good advice.
Sometimes letting a part of your dream (to be in a relationship) die can give way to a kind of rebirth.

Hugs and wishing you the best.

I feel dead inside too. I'm married a walking wounded type. He said that one of the things that drew him to me was my nurturing nature (a quality his mother lacked.) 20 years later, we are in a sexless, marriage and he doesn't miss any chance to passive-aggressively demean me, especially in front of the kids. This was a quality that his mother didn't lack.)

If I confront the bull shit comments that are obviously meant to make me feel bad, he explodes with everything but the kitchen sink of my faults. Mostly I just ignore it. I don't know why people can't be direct and say what they mean, especially when kids are involved. He's setting a terrible example for our kids and doesn't care just so he can make his demeaning digs in.

Anonymous wrote:Divorced over infidelity. Have had one 8-month-long "relationship." It ended because he was not honest about his relationship status. Now I just can't get excited about dating or love or any of it anymore because obviously something is broken inside me that attract cheaters and can't sniff out cheaters. It isnt a fear, it is just a nothingness.

Perhaps this will be a bit of a 'broken record' but the path can be much easier with someone assisting you on your journey. Anytime you reach a point you are in and have doubts about decision making with a history that seems to repeat itself don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes and are imperfect, just resolve to discover whatever it is that you need to go forward a better you. Get yourself a good guide. If you find they aren't that great, 6 sessions will give you a good idea, find another.

I wish you well.

Why would you need to be excited about love or dating?
Why can't you be fulfilled just living your own life?
Who says you need to be paired off?

You need time.
Learn to be happy and satisfied just with yourself first.
It takes a bit of work and adjustment to NOT be attracted to the same type of man.

And perhaps you are temporarily depressed.

Divorced over infidelity. Have had one 8-month-long "relationship." It ended because he was not honest about his relationship status. Now I just can't get excited about dating or love or any of it anymore because obviously something is broken inside me that attract cheaters and can't sniff out cheaters. It isnt a fear, it is just a nothingness.