I agree your husband should NOT quit your job. I was totally miserable at my old job, and it took me two years while still employed to find another one. Once I left, my old boss, who was totally miserable too and on the verge of a mental breakdown, quit his job suddenly without another job lined up. That was at the end of 2012 and he is still unemployed. He basically drove me out of my old job, and was so desperate he came grovelling to me to see if I could help him get a job. I feel bad for him because he has 5 kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am concerned that the stress of imemploymentbwill be just as bad as if he stayed at his job. I feel bad encouraging him to stay when he's so miserable...

I went through hating my job as well and feeling down about it. Actually getting job interviews made the job more bearable because I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everytime I had an interview I swear my day just felt brighter. If he doesn't want to take the risk of quitting maybe take a vacation to re-group and then aggressively apply for jobs after that.

OP, I would strongly advice you and spouse to look for a job, for him, together. And, in the interim, continue in his existing job. While it might be unbearable, as others have said, unemployment is a bad, bad thing. For a week or so, it may be great. Butr then he will get anxiety off of trying to find a new job. Have him do the minimum at work to not get fired, help him reduce his stress. Come up w a plan for a job change, and then implement it!

OP here. I am concerned that the stress of imemploymentbwill be just as bad as if he stayed at his job. I feel bad encouraging him to stay when he's so miserable...

I would take FMLA to get mental help. Or have a discussion with his boss about cutting back. Or take a 2 week vacation.

Anonymous wrote:YOLO, man. YOLO. If you truly love your husband and want to support him, and you have something of a cushion, and you know he's that miserable, then let him do what he wants.

NP. I used to agree with you. I was miserable at my job, and started looking for another position. I hadn't found one by the time my project was ending. The thought of staying and starting a new project there seemed unbearable-- like anything had to be better. So I quit.

I was wrong. I couldn't find a job for two years. I depleted my savings, maxed out my credit cards. Couldn't get a career job, couldn't get hired at f'ing Walmart. Just recently, I finally landed a low paying job that's kind of in my field. I'm grateful for it, but still miserable.

If I had stayed at my old job-- even if nothing changed for the better-- I'd be miserable. But, I'd be miserable with no debt, an emergency fund, and no two year gap in my resume.

OP, I understand how your dh feels. But, unless he's literally unable to handle continuing at his job, I'd suggest he stick it out until something else come along.

If he is stressed out to the point of a near mental health break down he can get a medical leave. That is protected. Allows him to get better.

Has your husband ever been unemployed? Unemployment is incredibly stressful as well. He's probably better off hanging in there and aggressively looking for another job. He may also need to seek therapy for help in dealing with the stress. As you said he mentioned above, a lot of jobs are stressful.

YOLO, man. YOLO. If you truly love your husband and want to support him, and you have something of a cushion, and you know he's that miserable, then let him do what he wants.

My husband quit his job and it took him six months to find another one. His job was affecting him really badly. I was upset at the time, but in hindsight I'm glad he did because he was much happier.

Try and hang in there as long as possible and job hunt aggressively.

Thanks for your response. He's doing the work of three people that quit or were fired and is constantly asked for reports and data so I don't think he can mentally disengage too much. Any other advice for how to get through this or encourage him to stay?

Great advice

I'm a hiring manager in Accounting/Finance, and I highly recommend he DOES NOT quit his job. It raises a red flag to future employees saying "this guy can't cut it" , "what's wrong with him?" There are too many candidates out there to put yourself at a disadvantage.

You also have negotiating leverage when you have a current job. Usually you will get a 10% plus raise. I've hired a couple unemployed people and they accepted a 5%-10% pay cut, because they had no other options.

My brother quit a job twice, and went 2 years each time before he found a new job.

Tell your DH to start the job search now, and just mentally disengage from his current job. He will be much better off

My DH is really stressed and unhappy at his job to the point that he feels he needs to quit for his mental health. Can't sleep, etc. I told him I would support whatever he wants to do but it does worry me. I make more than him but not by that much. We can get by for a while if he quits but is it that much harder to find a new job when you're unemployed?

He's a financial analyst if that matters. He's also worried that the things that stress him out about this job (tight deadlines, demanding companies, poor communication and support) may be the same no matter where he works.