Hugs. Me too.

She wasn't your best friend. You were her crutch. As a child you could not accurately interpret her behavior as selfish. Now you can.

it was as unnatural then as it would be now.

Instead of letting you differentiate appropriately when you were a child she's trying to stop you from accomplishing that transition as an adult.

Set boundaries and stick to them. If she's capable of an appropriate parent-adult child relationship she'll have to adjust.

She loves you when you are jumping through her hoops and being a good daughter.

She's projecting...which seems normal but you should cut her off and set some boundaries eg: mom I'm sorry your marriage to Dad ended the way it did. This has nothing to do with my marriage however and I'm not going to discuss it with you any longer. Im also not going to listen to you rant about my husband when you're really ranting about Dad. So if you do, I will hang up/leave the room etc. if you need to talk to someone, it's going to have to be a friend or a professional. Then do it (the hanging up/leaving the room).

She is trying to sabotage your marriage. You should not feel guilty at all about limiting your contact with her.

Can you email her and gently tell her how you're feeling?
"When you say Larlo is 'good for nothing,' that hurts me and makes me feel ______." "It feels like you're angry and pushing me away when you do X."

My mom was my best friend growing up but ever since I've started growing into my own person, things have just gotten worse. Our relationship has become borderline toxic since I've been married. Her marriage with my Dad ended horribly and shes never truly gotten over it. She doesn't particularly care for DH which is fine but she constantly tells me about how he is good for nothing and that we'll be divorced soon or that I changed and become a bad daughter ir person since meeting him....i just cant take it anymore. I kind of feel like she might br jealous cause she feels like he has taken me away from her. She just has such a negative outlook on life and its just so hard to be around. I'll cut off contact for a couple days then start feeling overwhelming guilt and pick up the phone to call only to have her act like everything is fine until the next time she decides to flip out on me.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent and maybe get a hug.