I agree.

Because caring for children is a huge job in itself and he should let you have some respite on weekends.

At 10 what happens? Can you go workout, meet a friend for lunch then come home and nap?

Or, at 10 he is home but you guys are both parenting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh you're nicer than me. My approach to this is that we each get one morning (until about 10am) on the weekend and we can do what we like with it. If he chooses to sleep in until then that's fine. If he gets up and works out also fine. The following morning is mine to do with as I wish.

Could you make this work?

I think that is totally reasonable... and it may just result in him going to work out/get ready after she gets up, so she's still stuck in the same position of him getting way more time away than she does and not being available for family activities (but at least she did get a day to sleep in).

What is the end game? If she wants to sleep in/have her time until 10am, they need to each pick a weekend day. It's discussed at 10am they switch off and have a time to reasonably expect the person back. If she wants to go places that aren't open until later, ask to sleep in till 8 on either Saturday or Sunday and that DH gets back from working out by a certain time and she gets to have her time alone ,..either DH takes child with him on errands or is in the house. I think the challenge will be if she wants family time with everyone during the day every weekend that involves being out and about for extended amounts of time plus wants to have a day to sleep in and there is time for DH to work out in the mornings. By the time everyone does their thing it would already be 12 or 1, then to eat lunch you aren't getting started till 1pm and one person may feel like just relaxing, not heading out.

Hopefully you guys work it out.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should let him start the day at 10 on the weekends. That's not too late.

Seriously? When does she get to start the day at 10 then?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to work out on Saturday and Sunday mornings that he can't also sleep in (we're only talking until 7/7:30 but since I'm up at 5:40 every day with the kids, 7:30 seems pretty luxurious). I support his working out, I just end up annoyed and resentful that he's not ready to start the day until 10. TIA.

I'm sorry, what? You have the kids both weekend mornings from 5:40-10? Yes, of course it's reasonable to propose another solution. Good lord, how long has this been going on?

+1

Time to talk about it first, then send the kids to him at 5:40, sheesh!

You need a "time of, married-shared custody" arrangement. My DH and I do this. I've mentioned this on DCUM before. I just discovered both my sisters do this, too.

Namely:

If you both value time to do things that (a) are of interest to you and not your spouse and (b) are best done without children, then arrange a schedule so that you both have that time. And, yes, it should be equal. And no, neither should be tasked with an errand or job during that time. It really should be free time to use as you please. Sleep, see a movie, exercise, whatever.

And, yes, you should schedule this on your calendars in advance. That's how you avoid bean-counting. Because it's planned and mutually agreed upon in advance, and therefore no counting of frijoles is necessary.

Can you both go to the gym together and put the kids in gym daycare? Can he take the kids to gym daycare so you get a couple hours to yourself and he gets his workout?

(and if your gym doesn't have daycare, you should find one that does. seriously.)

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to work out on Saturday and Sunday mornings that he can't also sleep in (we're only talking until 7/7:30 but since I'm up at 5:40 every day with the kids, 7:30 seems pretty luxurious). I support his working out, I just end up annoyed and resentful that he's not ready to start the day until 10. TIA.

I'm sorry, what? You have the kids both weekend mornings from 5:40-10? Yes, of course it's reasonable to propose another solution. Good lord, how long has this been going on?

Tell him you get one weekend day, he gets one weekend day. I taught the kids to go to dad on weekend mornings so its their special time.

I think you should let him start the day at 10 on the weekends. That's not too late.

I'd say, "sweetie, help me figure out a good weekend schedule. You want to work out, I need some help with the kids between X and X. And I'd like to sleep in occasionally, too, or take an afternoon nap (or whatever). How can we make our schedules work so both of us are getting what we need?"

Anonymous wrote:Meh you're nicer than me. My approach to this is that we each get one morning (until about 10am) on the weekend and we can do what we like with it. If he chooses to sleep in until then that's fine. If he gets up and works out also fine. The following morning is mine to do with as I wish.

Could you make this work?

I think that is totally reasonable... and it may just result in him going to work out/get ready after she gets up, so she's still stuck in the same position of him getting way more time away than she does and not being available for family activities (but at least she did get a day to sleep in).

Meh you're nicer than me. My approach to this is that we each get one morning (until about 10am) on the weekend and we can do what we like with it. If he chooses to sleep in until then that's fine. If he gets up and works out also fine. The following morning is mine to do with as I wish.

Could you make this work?

I don't think you should tell him in that manner, that he "can't sleep in" (especially because he won't perceive 7 AM as sleeping in).

What is it that you want? Do you want him to be ready to start family time earlier on the weekend? Do you want a break equal to what he gets (4+ hours, 6 - 10)?

I'd approach the conversation as, "hey, can I get your input on something? Our weekend schedule isn't really working out for me and I'm trying to figure out if there's another way to structure it." Then talk about what you need out of it - either him involved in family time earlier in the day, a break, etc and see if you can come up with a solution. Maybe it is him working out after the kids go to bed. Maybe it's him getting up earlier. Maybe it is him taking over from 12 - 4 so you get a break too. Maybe it is hiring a weekend babysitter for a few hours so you can sleep in one day.

But finding a solution with him versus saying "you need to get up earlier to work out" will go over so much better.

If he wants to work out on Saturday and Sunday mornings that he can't also sleep in (we're only talking until 7/7:30 but since I'm up at 5:40 every day with the kids, 7:30 seems pretty luxurious). I support his working out, I just end up annoyed and resentful that he's not ready to start the day until 10. TIA.