Anonymous
08/08/2015 09:15
Subject: Re:Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Anonymous wrote:Your son is not only hurting himself, but he's putting the rest of your family at risk. Serious risk. I think he is completely untrustworthy. I had a situation with one of my kids where trust was a major issue I treated my son like he was untrustworthy. I did two things. First, I stripped his environment of everything except basic needs. All electronics. Clothes that were anything other than basic. He had some prized possessions that became mine. Basically, his bedroom had a bed, bedding and a desk and chair. I supplemented with books I got from the library.
Second thing was that he could never be alone because, frankly, he couldn't be trusted. He moved onto my bedroom floor in a sleeping bas. He showered in my bathroom (with a towel over the door) and changed in the shower. Our toilet is behind a half privacy wall, so no problem there. (I changed in my closet and got up first and showered so I had some privacy). During the day, if no one else was around and I had to use the bathroom, he stood right outside the door. He was never alone. If I grocery shopped, so did he - right by my side, not leaving to help me pick up things in different aisles. He couldn't even walk the dog or take out the trash alone.
The other thing I did was I required him to volunteer while we worked, which meant 50 hours a week. I knew he would be well supervised. He did total grunt work, which is what he was on the way to be doing for a career if he kept on the path he was on. He might as well know what his days were going to be like so he could make an informed choice.
Over time, I had to rebuild him and give him back freedom and I had to give him opportunities to show he could be trusted. It was a long slow process and while I was doing this, I worked on finding alternatives to his former activities. Hanging out wasn't an option - he needed to develop interests. He's taken up golf, ping pong and pool. He is also my greatest help when it comes to Costco trips and enjoys that role.
Anyway, this was a huge, unbelievable amount of work. A major lifestyle change. I actually began to love that teenagers sleep the major part of the day. But, it worked. Took a very long time. He lost all of his friends and had to find a new group. He is a different kid at this point and was definitely worth everything it took to change the path he was on. I haven't buried my head in the sand - I realize my son is still at risk. But, for now, he's on a good path.
I hope you can find a solution with your son, OP.
^^Not OP, but good for you. The difference is, you were willing to put in the hard work and time required. You were playing the same role as those expensive rehab places.
Anonymous
08/08/2015 08:57
Subject: Re:Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Your son is not only hurting himself, but he's putting the rest of your family at risk. Serious risk. I think he is completely untrustworthy. I had a situation with one of my kids where trust was a major issue I treated my son like he was untrustworthy. I did two things. First, I stripped his environment of everything except basic needs. All electronics. Clothes that were anything other than basic. He had some prized possessions that became mine. Basically, his bedroom had a bed, bedding and a desk and chair. I supplemented with books I got from the library.
Second thing was that he could never be alone because, frankly, he couldn't be trusted. He moved onto my bedroom floor in a sleeping bas. He showered in my bathroom (with a towel over the door) and changed in the shower. Our toilet is behind a half privacy wall, so no problem there. (I changed in my closet and got up first and showered so I had some privacy). During the day, if no one else was around and I had to use the bathroom, he stood right outside the door. He was never alone. If I grocery shopped, so did he - right by my side, not leaving to help me pick up things in different aisles. He couldn't even walk the dog or take out the trash alone.
The other thing I did was I required him to volunteer while we worked, which meant 50 hours a week. I knew he would be well supervised. He did total grunt work, which is what he was on the way to be doing for a career if he kept on the path he was on. He might as well know what his days were going to be like so he could make an informed choice.
Over time, I had to rebuild him and give him back freedom and I had to give him opportunities to show he could be trusted. It was a long slow process and while I was doing this, I worked on finding alternatives to his former activities. Hanging out wasn't an option - he needed to develop interests. He's taken up golf, ping pong and pool. He is also my greatest help when it comes to Costco trips and enjoys that role.
Anyway, this was a huge, unbelievable amount of work. A major lifestyle change. I actually began to love that teenagers sleep the major part of the day. But, it worked. Took a very long time. He lost all of his friends and had to find a new group. He is a different kid at this point and was definitely worth everything it took to change the path he was on. I haven't buried my head in the sand - I realize my son is still at risk. But, for now, he's on a good path.
I hope you can find a solution with your son, OP.
Second thing was that he could never be alone because, frankly, he couldn't be trusted. He moved onto my bedroom floor in a sleeping bas. He showered in my bathroom (with a towel over the door) and changed in the shower. Our toilet is behind a half privacy wall, so no problem there. (I changed in my closet and got up first and showered so I had some privacy). During the day, if no one else was around and I had to use the bathroom, he stood right outside the door. He was never alone. If I grocery shopped, so did he - right by my side, not leaving to help me pick up things in different aisles. He couldn't even walk the dog or take out the trash alone.
The other thing I did was I required him to volunteer while we worked, which meant 50 hours a week. I knew he would be well supervised. He did total grunt work, which is what he was on the way to be doing for a career if he kept on the path he was on. He might as well know what his days were going to be like so he could make an informed choice.
Over time, I had to rebuild him and give him back freedom and I had to give him opportunities to show he could be trusted. It was a long slow process and while I was doing this, I worked on finding alternatives to his former activities. Hanging out wasn't an option - he needed to develop interests. He's taken up golf, ping pong and pool. He is also my greatest help when it comes to Costco trips and enjoys that role.
Anyway, this was a huge, unbelievable amount of work. A major lifestyle change. I actually began to love that teenagers sleep the major part of the day. But, it worked. Took a very long time. He lost all of his friends and had to find a new group. He is a different kid at this point and was definitely worth everything it took to change the path he was on. I haven't buried my head in the sand - I realize my son is still at risk. But, for now, he's on a good path.
I hope you can find a solution with your son, OP.
Anonymous
08/08/2015 02:42
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Your kid is dealing. Lawyer up. Drug rehab for him, support group for you so that you get advice from people who know more than us.
Anonymous
08/08/2015 01:51
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Inpatient drug treatment.
Anonymous
08/08/2015 00:16
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
wow!!
Anonymous
08/07/2015 20:46
Subject: Re:Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
PP here. Age of teen is also important as it can dictate what rehabs will accept him.
Anonymous
08/07/2015 20:44
Subject: Re:Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Lawyer ASAP, particularly if there is chance of a dealing charge.
The lawyer will most likely tell you to get your kid into rehab immediately because doing so will build a better case for leniency for him.
I am not so convinced rehabs are the end all be all of drug treatment, but in this case it is close to a necessity even if your child isn't really addicted. Inpatient will look much more serious than outpatient, but if financially you can only do the latter it is way better than nothing.
Most rehabs take insurance, but you could still be out some money.
Perhaps if you post the relevant state, you can get some lawyer recommendations. Father Martin's Ashley is a pretty decent inpatient rehab in Maryland. If you can give some details about type of drug, whether your child is addicted or not, psych issues you may get some other recommendations.
The lawyer will most likely tell you to get your kid into rehab immediately because doing so will build a better case for leniency for him.
I am not so convinced rehabs are the end all be all of drug treatment, but in this case it is close to a necessity even if your child isn't really addicted. Inpatient will look much more serious than outpatient, but if financially you can only do the latter it is way better than nothing.
Most rehabs take insurance, but you could still be out some money.
Perhaps if you post the relevant state, you can get some lawyer recommendations. Father Martin's Ashley is a pretty decent inpatient rehab in Maryland. If you can give some details about type of drug, whether your child is addicted or not, psych issues you may get some other recommendations.
Anonymous
08/07/2015 20:12
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Well, they got arrested, right? They are engaged in illegal activity, and they are paying the price.
Is this your child? Do you think she/he has a problem with drugs and/or alcohol?
Is this your child? Do you think she/he has a problem with drugs and/or alcohol?
Anonymous
08/07/2015 20:10
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
So sorry, OP!
Anonymous
08/07/2015 20:10
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
Focus on getting your kid into treatment, probably residential.
Anonymous
08/07/2015 19:11
Subject: Consequences/approach for teen (drugs)
If your high schooler were engaged in drug activity to the point the police conducted a search and seizure of your house and the teen was arrested, what would be your approach with your child? On all fronts. Punishment, help, etc.