Anonymous wrote:How many of you would be writing these things if you thought the poster was male?

As a male who opted for a lower-stress job so that we could continue to be a two-income family, my advice above to think about which is more important, and that you can't have everything, is gender-blind.

You will have to care less either about the kids or about the job. Decide what is most important to you and be okay if the other goes to shit.

i'm female. My husband is pretty good about helping out but also has a high stress job - actually, I take that back, I wouldn't say that his is necessarily high stress in the sense of mine, but he does work long hours and has to travel. We have a nanny and a cleaning lady. I guess I am looking for a magic trick that would just make it easier, but there probably isn't one. I know what I need to do and am trying to figure out an exit strategy.

You make a plan with your partner to take the brunt of family stuff for a year while you work hard to transition to a lower stress position ( either a whole new job or a more flexible one at the same place).

Anonymous wrote:How many of you would be writing these things if you thought the poster was male?

First PP here who wrote about changing jobs/shingles. I actually looked for any clue of gender, and absent that, in my head I thought the poster was male.

Anonymous wrote:How many of you would be writing these things if you thought the poster was male?

I would be 100%. My other stock answer (male or female) is that if your job is that stressful, it better pay enough to hire a nanny and a housekeeper. If not, then the job is definitely not worth it.

How many of you would be writing these things if you thought the poster was male?

Anonymous wrote:Share your secrets, please, because I am drowning. I delegate and outsource as much as possible, but I am literally DROWNING. My life has gotten so out of control that I can't remember basic things and I never see my children. A few nights ago I had a dream that I was having a heart attack and dying. I can't take the stress anymore of being pulled in a million different directions.

When multi-tasking, separate home from work as much as possible. So, for example, when catching up on calls, don't do this while prepping for the kids. You can use your prep time to spend chatting with the children, not while doing any form of work. I used to try and mix work emails with laundry (as a random example) and I'd end up frustrated because switching between these parts of my life (and brain!) was so draining and difficult. I now combine work with work and home with home. It's easier not having to transition.

Ask yourself why you're doing this. Then decide which is more important. You can't have everything.

I'd change jobs. That is not worth it.

I have a high stress job, but it works because I have a lot of flexibility (in the office 9-5, work at home at night, etc.). I outsource as much as I can and do things like pack lunches at night. My husband also has a lot of flexibility, which is key.

are you male or female? (Am betting I already know the answer), what is your profession, what level are you in it and what is the age and number of your kids?

biglaw?

Get a new job. Really.

Change jobs. You are destroying your life.

I got shingles from stress last year and it was a minor wake up call for me. I am lucky it was just shingles and not something more serious. I always thought I handled stress well, and didn't even think I was that steessed. If you feel like you are "literally drowning," you need to get out of the pool. Stress kills, and even when it doesnt, it ruins families and lives.

Share your secrets, please, because I am drowning. I delegate and outsource as much as possible, but I am literally DROWNING. My life has gotten so out of control that I can't remember basic things and I never see my children. A few nights ago I had a dream that I was having a heart attack and dying. I can't take the stress anymore of being pulled in a million different directions.