We just started and I think it's helping. I tend to hold feelings in and being there forces me to get them out. We are both really committed to making it work, though. I think if either of us went in with a bad attitude or already made up our mind to separate then it would have much less chance of being successful.

Can anyone recommend a good therapist in DC near downtown or Cap Hill preferably?

They say that couples go to therapy 6 years too late. That's why so many couples who go to therapy still end up divorced. If you broke your leg and hobbled around on it for 6 years, it's really hard to fix it.

The key is to get into therapy soon, don't wait for the little dings to create permanent damage. And see a good therapist. If we had to go, I'd go to one that is Gottman trained.

Good Luck!

My BIL and SIL worked it out via therapy and they have been together a long time--but they are committed to staying together for the children and now grandchildren. So, I think the therapy has enabled that, and helped them work on issues they have, but don't think they would still be together unless they had a common goal and reason why they are making it work.

The research says it helps in the short term. Long term data - five years out is so-so, but leans to saying there is improvement.

It didn't help us. We're divorcing. But I gained insight if I get involved again how to be a better partner.

No... People here love to suggest it as a fix-all, and to feel better about themselves.

Going to a therapist for marriage is most likely a recipe for divorce.

Nah

Individual therapy may help you rebuild your life afterwards

My DH and I are on our second round. It has been really hard, and a lot of anger, hurt feelings, and uncomfortable truths have come out. It has brought us to the brink. However, we are both 100% committed to making it work and I believe we will. We owe so much to our therapist who has been so patient.

Seems like it would tend to focus you on the negative.

Marriage is about communication. Our therapist helped us understand our very different ways and how we were not picking up on a lot of positive messages. So yes, it can help. No two people are 100% compatible, but it can close the gap.

PP, do you mind sharing your therapist's name?

In November of last year I was 90% sure I was walking out (and I have 2 kids, our marriage had gotten more than just stale). We have been in therapy for 9 months and I went to individual therapy for 6 months. I am now 99% sure that I am NOT leaving my husband. We have an amazing therapist and we are both putting 100% into it. Both people have to want to make it work.

Maybe you don't have a good therapist? Maybe your spouse isn't putting in 100%? It really does take two people to make a marriage. You can't control your spouse, but you can only give your best and know that you did everything to try to make it work.

Good luck to you.

Both people have to want it to work.
We have seen three and are getting divorced.
Have you read any of the gottman books.

Everyone I know who goes ends up divorced, but if you find a great therapist I think it could help.

DH and I have always been pretty incompatible (extrovert-introvert But always made it work. Then boom, we both hit our 40s and DH becomes more and more unsatisfied with the way things are. He starts pushing for a separation and divorce. So we go into therapy. We've been doing it for 2 months now. We have our ups and downs. But the more I am doing it, the more unsure I am if it is doing us any good. Has therapy helped anyone here, on DCUM?