My wife refused to have sex with me for three years. She once told me that it must be hard not to have sex. Previously she had an text/online affair with a co worker with whom she exchanged very explicit emails. She never talks dirty to me. kids are 5 and 3. Now we have sex once in two months. Before I got married I had many sex partners, my libido is high. I help around the house, give her emotional support, etc. I talked to her about sex but she threatened to take the kids from me if I cheat. I won't be able to be faithful to her for too long if our situation does not change. She thinks it's my fault that I want to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is something to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage, if only because it seems that once a person cheats, they realize that it's easy and maybe it does not feel like a big deal to them (I think it's a big deal personally).

I also think that there are a lot of people who rely on romantic validation for their self esteem. The ability to attract a mate makes a person feel good. Combine that with a lack of consequences and you've got a serial cheater.

This isn't just men, though. It's everyone.

+1

I was pretty unhappy during my first year of marriage, and cheated. Very out of character for me. We got past those problems, but then years later when different problems arose, it was shockingly easy to cheat again. Not something I'm proud of, at all.

Are you still married?

I think a lot of the cheating is done by a segment of the population who are repeat cheaters. They tend to keep being thrown into the dating pool so, as you get older, they are over-represented in the dating pool. And lots of these guys say they've never cheated because, to them, it's not cheating because of some perceived wrong in the primary relationship that they use as justification.

Not any more or less than women.

I have a DH who remains faithful. He is highly motivated to do so, he is motivated by genuine fear.

Not sure. I'm 44, attractive and have never even cheated on a girlfriend, much less my wife. I know people, male and female (including my first wife) who have cheated. Its just not for me. I don't want to view myself as a bad person and would never hurt my best friend (my wife).

It's the way men are wired, neurally and hormonally. Yes, men have the opportunity to choose how to react to those impulses, but nature says to cheat. It's kind of mean.

Yup, I think so. I avoid these men. I don't care why they are that way, I just keep my distance.

Women, too, btw.

(And by "faithful" I mean keeping to and being honest about the promises and agreements made with primary partner. If you've honestly got an "open" relationship, that's not being unfaithful. By all means, every romantic/sex partner should know what the status is. So don't lie to your lover, either. That's prickish/douchey.)

There are instances where moral factors influence fidelity but in most cases - for men and women - it is the fear of the consequences if found out that limits infidelity.

Emotionally damaged and/or mental illness.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage, if only because it seems that once a person cheats, they realize that it's easy and maybe it does not feel like a big deal to them (I think it's a big deal personally).

I also think that there are a lot of people who rely on romantic validation for their self esteem. The ability to attract a mate makes a person feel good. Combine that with a lack of consequences and you've got a serial cheater.

This isn't just men, though. It's everyone.

+1

I was pretty unhappy during my first year of marriage, and cheated. Very out of character for me. We got past those problems, but then years later when different problems arose, it was shockingly easy to cheat again. Not something I'm proud of, at all.

I think monogamy is very difficult, especially in such a highly sexualized culture.

I think some people are incapable of being unfaithful. I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater, but I do believe that how people deal with issues won't change without concerted effort and attention on their part, and sometimes cheating is how people deal with issues. I think it takes time and context to know what type of person you are dealing with.

There is something to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" adage, if only because it seems that once a person cheats, they realize that it's easy and maybe it does not feel like a big deal to them (I think it's a big deal personally).

I also think that there are a lot of people who rely on romantic validation for their self esteem. The ability to attract a mate makes a person feel good. Combine that with a lack of consequences and you've got a serial cheater.

This isn't just men, though. It's everyone.

Self Esteem issues, either too low or too high causing them to just do dumb stuff, or sense of entitlement, lack of remorse etc?