Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

This.

OP, I see where you are coming from, but no one did this to exclude you. They just went about their lives. I suspect you're also a bit miffed that your SIL's sister's kids have a relationship with your mom. You're just going to need to get over this one.

Yes. And no. Five beautiful kids eating pancakes at my mothers kitchen table with the caption "the cousins" made me sad, yes. This was apparently also a late celebration of my nieces birthday. Not saying that I was excluded, saying that I felt excluded. mostly sad for my kids actually. And fwiw, I adore my sister in laws sister and her kids!

Don't know if this is true. Your kids have no idea that this visit happened, right?

No they don't, but I want them to be a part of the family. My kids are my brothers kids cousins....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

This.

OP, I see where you are coming from, but no one did this to exclude you. They just went about their lives. I suspect you're also a bit miffed that your SIL's sister's kids have a relationship with your mom. You're just going to need to get over this one.

Yes. And no. Five beautiful kids eating pancakes at my mothers kitchen table with the caption "the cousins" made me sad, yes. This was apparently also a late celebration of my nieces birthday. Not saying that I was excluded, saying that I felt excluded. mostly sad for my kids actually. And fwiw, I adore my sister in laws sister and her kids!

Don't know if this is true. Your kids have no idea that this visit happened, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

This.

OP, I see where you are coming from, but no one did this to exclude you. They just went about their lives. I suspect you're also a bit miffed that your SIL's sister's kids have a relationship with your mom. You're just going to need to get over this one.

Yes. And no. Five beautiful kids eating pancakes at my mothers kitchen table with the caption "the cousins" made me sad, yes. This was apparently also a late celebration of my nieces birthday. Not saying that I was excluded, saying that I felt excluded. mostly sad for my kids actually. And fwiw, I adore my sister in laws sister and her kids!

Anonymous wrote:OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

Thank you! Finally someone who understands! I desperately try to stay in touch and keep things as they were as I drag my family across the Atlantic every year. But it's just not the same anymore. This is a very sensitive spot for me. Obviously.

Anonymous wrote:OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

This.

OP, I see where you are coming from, but no one did this to exclude you. They just went about their lives. I suspect you're also a bit miffed that your SIL's sister's kids have a relationship with your mom. You're just going to need to get over this one.

OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

How the f**** are you excluded????
Every time someone goes somewhere they have to take you?
What kind of 3rd grade nonesense is that ?
You brother and his wife have every right to make vacation plans that work for them on their schedule and budget and other needs without checking in with you!!!
This is freaking nuts, you must think the world revolves around you. You sound tiresome!!

Anonymous wrote:Too bad you feel excluded Op - oh well !! Really Op there is no excuse for you being rude - just because you have hurt feelings. That is no excuse. It's an explanation - but no excuse. You should not have shared that with your mother

You're absolutely right. And I did apologize to my mom just now. And she accepted my apology. But the "oh well" part I don't agree with. No one likes to feel excluded. Especially from their own family.

Too bad you feel excluded Op - oh well !! Really Op there is no excuse for you being rude - just because you have hurt feelings. That is no excuse. It's an explanation - but no excuse. You should not have shared that with your mother

OP here, I'm doing some soul searching with my glass of wine here and I think it all boils down to feeling excluded. I didn't realize they were bringing my sister in laws siblings and their kids. No one told me either. I'm really glad they are visiting my mom, that's not the problem, really! But after reading your responses I just feel bad for flipping out. I don't want to ruin this time for my mom which I probably did now. It's hard being an expat. More wine for me meanwhile I figure out how to apologize. Cheers and thanks!

You've only been here for 5 years and you stay 2 months in your home country very year, and STILL find something to complain about????

We are an international family, as are many of our friends, and this kind of luxury is NOT the norm.
We have been here 15 years, and if we can return to our home country for 2 weeks a year, we count ourselves lucky! We haven't seen one side of the family for 10 years.

Please don't complain, OP. It's offensive.

Yes, you are. You are there for 2 months every summer which is enough time for people not to feel like it's "special" that you are home. At the same time, this is the traditional time for people to take vacation - which is what your SIL did, visiting her MIL (your mother) as well as her own family. She didn't do it to slight you. She just planned her family's vacation as she thought it should be.

Yes, you are overreacting. Your SIL wanted to vacation with her siblings and spend quality time with them. She has a right to do that. The fact that she is visiting with your mom is also irrelevant. She has an independent relationship with your mom and can visit when she likes.

Presumably, they will also be visiting you (or you will visit them) during your 2 months in Europe, so your kids will have a chance to see their cousins as well.

Yes, you are over reacting. You knew your brother was visiting your mother. Your SIS spent time with her side of the family and posted pictures of the cousins on her side of the family. Doesn't involve you, not a slight against you.

I moved to DC from Europe about 5 years ago. Since then me and my husband have had 3 children. I miss "home" a lot and going every summer is a huge deal to me. Since our family is so big and we like to stay for up to 2 months we usually rent houses. Family and friends can come to us and I usually do a road trip with the kids in the end of our stay to visit people and places I miss dearly. This year we are renting a house pretty close (1 hour drive) from my brother and his family ( wife and 2 kids my oldest kids ages). I knew they wouldn't be home the first week of our stay because they had planned a visit to my mother (3 hrs away). Fine. Tonight my brothers wife posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook. As it turns out, she brought her sister and her three kids and single brother to my moms house. In the captions she is referring to "the cousins". This makes me sad because: 1) no one told me 2) it makes me feel like my children are the invisible, that is in the context of visiting my mother. 3) why do this when I am sitting in a rental house with my kids? So I just called my mom and went completely insane. Am I overreacting here? Any input appreciated.