Anonymous wrote:And I know I don't have to be best friends with everyone, but I want to get to the point where I'm not yelling "Fuck those assholes" in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Can you give us examples of what happens that makes you want to say that?

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).[/quote]

Since you put this in the religion forum, and asked your question in regard to Christians, I will respond that way. But it does sound like there are other issues going on here, which I am glad you are addressing in therapy.

I actually do think that this is a good topic for you to pray about, but not necessarily in the "love your neighbor" way. The jerk teenagers were just that -- you don't know them and I don't think you're "hating" them is what Christ is admonishing us about when he says to love your neighbor. They are irrelevant to you. You will most likely (hopefully) never see them again, so who cares -- really -- if you "love" or "hate" them? You don't know them. You hated their words and actions to you. That is not the same thing.

I think what you need to focus on in your prayer life is the second part of the verse. Love your neighbor [b]as yourself.[/b] Frankly, OP, it doesn't sound like you love yourself very much -- otherwise, why would you spend hours last night stewing about something this meaningless? It triggered other feelings and shame that you already carry about yourself. You were hating YOU, not them.

That is where you need to go with God.[/quote]

Does God care if we hate ourselves? Serious question. [/quote]

Of course He does! He sent his Son to die for you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).

Since you put this in the religion forum, and asked your question in regard to Christians, I will respond that way. But it does sound like there are other issues going on here, which I am glad you are addressing in therapy.

I actually do think that this is a good topic for you to pray about, but not necessarily in the "love your neighbor" way. The jerk teenagers were just that -- you don't know them and I don't think you're "hating" them is what Christ is admonishing us about when he says to love your neighbor. They are irrelevant to you. You will most likely (hopefully) never see them again, so who cares -- really -- if you "love" or "hate" them? You don't know them. You hated their words and actions to you. That is not the same thing.

I think what you need to focus on in your prayer life is the second part of the verse. Love your neighbor as yourself. Frankly, OP, it doesn't sound like you love yourself very much -- otherwise, why would you spend hours last night stewing about something this meaningless? It triggered other feelings and shame that you already carry about yourself. You were hating YOU, not them.

That is where you need to go with God.

Does God care if we hate ourselves? Serious question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).

Since you put this in the religion forum, and asked your question in regard to Christians, I will respond that way. But it does sound like there are other issues going on here, which I am glad you are addressing in therapy.

I actually do think that this is a good topic for you to pray about, but not necessarily in the "love your neighbor" way. The jerk teenagers were just that -- you don't know them and I don't think you're "hating" them is what Christ is admonishing us about when he says to love your neighbor. They are irrelevant to you. You will most likely (hopefully) never see them again, so who cares -- really -- if you "love" or "hate" them? You don't know them. You hated their words and actions to you. That is not the same thing.

I think what you need to focus on in your prayer life is the second part of the verse. Love your neighbor as yourself. Frankly, OP, it doesn't sound like you love yourself very much -- otherwise, why would you spend hours last night stewing about something this meaningless? It triggered other feelings and shame that you already carry about yourself. You were hating YOU, not them.

That is where you need to go with God.

Great advice, pp!

Anonymous wrote:We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).

Since you put this in the religion forum, and asked your question in regard to Christians, I will respond that way. But it does sound like there are other issues going on here, which I am glad you are addressing in therapy.

I actually do think that this is a good topic for you to pray about, but not necessarily in the "love your neighbor" way. The jerk teenagers were just that -- you don't know them and I don't think you're "hating" them is what Christ is admonishing us about when he says to love your neighbor. They are irrelevant to you. You will most likely (hopefully) never see them again, so who cares -- really -- if you "love" or "hate" them? You don't know them. You hated their words and actions to you. That is not the same thing.

I think what you need to focus on in your prayer life is the second part of the verse. Love your neighbor as yourself. Frankly, OP, it doesn't sound like you love yourself very much -- otherwise, why would you spend hours last night stewing about something this meaningless? It triggered other feelings and shame that you already carry about yourself. You were hating YOU, not them.

That is where you need to go with God.

Anonymous wrote:We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).

I mean this kindly, but you need to love yourself. So what if they moo at you? Either moo back, wave or smile. Obviously they are the crazy ones. Life is hard and you have to pick your battles.

The best way I love myself is by being truly good at something. So whenever anything bad happens I think, well at least I'm great at X. Or at least I have X in my life. My dog helps too. He's deliriously happy to see me at the end of a long day and obviously thinks I'm the most amazing person in the world.

And I know I don't have to be best friends with everyone, but I want to get to the point where I'm not yelling "Fuck those assholes" in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Anonymous wrote:We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).

16:27 again -- OP, I think you should keep working on yourself and your self esteem and not worry too much about loving others. You feel vulnerable, weak, and victimized (that toxic mother maybe?) so of course some jerk teenagers would make you obsess about what they said. When you get to the point where you feel stronger and love yourself more, the teenagers won't bother you so much -- you'll just laugh at them. But don't worry too much about hating them for now. You've suffered a lot and you deserve a break from beating up on yourself. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't you lovable OP? Why are you different and bullied?

Love thy neighbor doesn't mean you need to be best friends with everyone, it means treating people with respect.

I think I was too sheltered as a child. I really didn't understand the world, which led me to form my own opinions and I didn't realize they were in such stark contrast to how everyone else believes and acts. I feel borderline Aspergers sometimes, honestly.

Why aren't you lovable OP? Why are you different and bullied?

Love thy neighbor doesn't mean you need to be best friends with everyone, it means treating people with respect.

We're working on my self-esteem a lot. It's not helping as quickly as I'd like, but that's life.

I'm not even thinking about people like my toxic mother, but the jerk teenagers who mooed at me as I walked into the grocery store last night. I'm overweight but not huge (size 14), and it was a shock. I spent too much time last night hating them.

I'm not praying about it much. Sometimes I ask God to make me less of a hateful person (like last night).

Absolutely, OP. Some people -- many people -- are just not that lovable.

Can you elaborate a little? What are you doing/ learning in therapy?

Most important, are you praying about this? That is the only way that your heart will truly be changed.

Anonymous wrote:Does any other Christian - or hell, anyone - really struggle with this?

Because I do, and I need help. I'm in counseling and we've talked about it a little, but I can't come to any kind of firm conclusion. All my life I've been different. I've been bullied. Still am, a lot. I don't get a kind word from anyone. Yet Christ expects us to love those people - it's so hard.

Anyone?

It's hard to love other people if you haven't been able to set limits with them. It's much easier to love other people from a position of strength. My relationship with my mother got a lot better when I told her that I didn't want to hear about how terrible my father was anymore and when I decided how long I wanted to visit her rather than letting her decide that. When I felt that she had less control over my and my emotions (it took a lot of work too), it was so much easier to be gracious to her because my sense of self was not on the line anymore. Good luck, OP, I hope things get better!

Anonymous wrote:Does any other Christian - or hell, anyone - really struggle with this?

Because I do, and I need help. I'm in counseling and we've talked about it a little, but I can't come to any kind of firm conclusion. All my life I've been different. I've been bullied. Still am, a lot. I don't get a kind word from anyone. Yet Christ expects us to love those people - it's so hard.

Anyone?

My neighbor is an asshole. I finally decided to call the county on him after his last stunt.

Does any other Christian - or hell, anyone - really struggle with this?

Because I do, and I need help. I'm in counseling and we've talked about it a little, but I can't come to any kind of firm conclusion. All my life I've been different. I've been bullied. Still am, a lot. I don't get a kind word from anyone. Yet Christ expects us to love those people - it's so hard.

Anyone?