A note about apologies - real apologies are shown and not said. I know "actions speak louder than words" is cliche, but it really is true. Change in behavior, actions, being and doing better, are the better measures of an apology (and generally moving forward with things) than uttering "I'm sorry." Both are good, but the latter without the former is useless.

Anonymous wrote:How to deal with shame and guilt and regret from a very poor decision that caused pain indirectly to someone?

Either build a time machine and go back and prevent it from happening or accept that it happened, apologize to the person who was hurt, do what you can to make the situation better/help them recover from the hurt, and try to learn from it and avoid making a similar mistake in the future.

Regrets, guilt and shame just take your attention away from the present and the future.

How long ago was it? Did you make a sincere apology? Was it accepted?

I think if you've apologized and it was in the past and you can't let go, it might be beneficial to see someone to help you process. It sounds like your brain is "stuck" in a groove for lack of a better way of phrasing.

I'd be less likely to go see a therapist if it was recent. It sounds like you need to forgive yourself. Have you tried writing about it? Sometimes it helps me to get things out and down -- it's almost cathartic, you don't need to share with anyone else.

How to deal with shame and guilt and regret from a very poor decision that caused pain indirectly to someone?