I only send flowers when there is no "in lieu of" request. When there is a request, I honor the request.

I agree with the donation. We've had a lot of death in our family and whie I appreciate some flowers, there are often way too many. We now request donations to something our loved - but also is non-offensive. Most recently, we asked for donations to the special ed program at the local elementary school. Education was very important to our loved one as were helping the most vulnerable.

No flowers. I nannied for a family who owned funeral homes around the country and they said most flowers were left behind (because it is an inconvenience for the family to take them all or come back the next day). The funeral home also supplied flowers to make the space look nice.

My father died 2 years ago and almost every donated. He did a donation to his university's engineering school. It was much easier that way than for me to have to deal with things the day after or try to pawn the responsibility off on my other relatives and friends.

When my dad died, the funeral home director said it's standard to have large bouquets honoring the different roles in his life i.e. "Father", "Grandfather". DH should check with whoever is planning the services and offer a contribution if they are doing such displays.

Anonymous wrote:No flowers! Do as they asked and make the donation.

This

I'm Jewish, and we don't do flowers.

Donation and something for grandpa. Maybe when you are there you can make up some freezer meals and put some easy to follow directions on them. Or help him with laundry/cleaning/etc.

No flowers! Do as they asked and make the donation.

Thanks people -- looks like the consensus is to donate, so we'll do that. I'll also do something to help grandpa out.

No, do the donation.

When my grandpa died there were SO many flowers. It was out of control. At least 50+ arrangements. Such a waste!

Instead, how about helping grandma out? I stayed with my grandma after he died, cooked for her, helped her with all the guests, did her hair and makeup and made sure she wasn't alone. And I have 12 cousins, so it's not like I was the only one around, but I know it was very helpful.

We don't usually send flowers to family funerals of we are going. I recommend checking. It will probably be more meaningful for DH if you make a nice donation in her memory.

Do the donation. The funeral home will make sure there are enough flowers so that the viewing looks nice. Or have your DH check with his folks to see if flowers are actually needed. I don't think it's customary for everyone to do flowers-- that could be an awful lot of flowers.

Yes

I feel stupid for asking this, but (luckily) I haven't dealt with that many deaths in the family. My husband's grandmother died, and we're traveling to the funeral. Should we buy flowers for the funeral home viewing? The obit says "in lieu of flowers donate to X", but is it still customary for the family members to send floral arrangements?