Anonymous wrote:While it's too late now, a lesson here is that you should make sure that you really know a person's level of ambition before marrying them and make sure that it's compatible with you.

I hear this type of complaint from a lot of ambitious, professional women. It seems like even if she is successful, she still expects him to be even more successful. Few women are OK with less ambitious men.

Anonymous wrote:To make a long story short, I quit my high paying job 5 years ago and regret it as the worst mistake of my life. I was in big law and now am in a legal position that is flexible, enjoyable, still somewhat prestigious, but pays much less. My DH, who seemed from the beginning to be smart, capable (still is), and destined for success, has turned out to be kind of lazy and always in search of a get-rich-quick scheme. I have known him for 15 years; he did exceptionally well in school (full scholarship to excellent college starting at age 16, years later went to law school--top of class--great jobs; extra law degree, LLM--again, top grades, jobs). Basically he is always switching jobs and although good at practicing law, does not really like it, always prioritizes other things, is always looking for something better, wasted a bunch of our money trying to start a company. So, now we are renting a small house (used to own), seem to always worry about money and spend countless days/months/weeks strategizing about his ever-changing career, my job seems to be the most steady thing we have, and I do most of the work around the house and nearly everything for the kids, too. I quit my job to be with the kids more. I am in a bind now because a) it would probably be difficult to go back to my old career; b) people at my job now are counting on me and it would be hard to leave (obv I could but it would burn bridges etc); and c) I still do most of the childcare and do not feel confident that my husband could/would do that well. He just feels so unreliable and I feel like our priorities have diverged. I know the kids have benefited from my being more available, but I wonder if they would be better off with the financial security I could have offered them by staying in big law. I knew DH was not the most stick-to-it guy, but his smarts always seemed to carry him and he always could get any position. Now he just seems so lazy to me and doesn't seem to want the success he could have had. I wish I had just been that person for my family. I should not have handed over that role to him, but I was doing everything for the kids, too, while we were both working at firms and something had to give. UGH. So depressed. Thanks for listening. And yes, I believe he is well aware of how I feel. The marriage is kind of in a downward spiral because of it.

Anonymous wrote:This seems really easy. Work your way back into big law. Sure, it will take a while but you have the drive. Have him find part time / contract work and be a SAHD. Everyone will be much happier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To make a long story short, I quit my high paying job 5 years ago and regret it as the worst mistake of my life. I was in big law and now am in a legal position that is flexible, enjoyable, still somewhat prestigious, but pays much less. My DH, who seemed from the beginning to be smart, capable (still is), and destined for success, has turned out to be kind of lazy and always in search of a get-rich-quick scheme. I have known him for 15 years; he did exceptionally well in school (full scholarship to excellent college starting at age 16, years later went to law school--top of class--great jobs; extra law degree, LLM--again, top grades, jobs). Basically he is always switching jobs and although good at practicing law, does not really like it, always prioritizes other things, is always looking for something better, wasted a bunch of our money trying to start a company. So, now we are renting a small house (used to own), seem to always worry about money and spend countless days/months/weeks strategizing about his ever-changing career, my job seems to be the most steady thing we have, and I do most of the work around the house and nearly everything for the kids, too. I quit my job to be with the kids more. I am in a bind now because a) it would probably be difficult to go back to my old career; b) people at my job now are counting on me and it would be hard to leave (obv I could but it would burn bridges etc); and c) I still do most of the childcare and do not feel confident that my husband could/would do that well. He just feels so unreliable and I feel like our priorities have diverged. I know the kids have benefited from my being more available, but I wonder if they would be better off with the financial security I could have offered them by staying in big law. I knew DH was not the most stick-to-it guy, but his smarts always seemed to carry him and he always could get any position. Now he just seems so lazy to me and doesn't seem to want the success he could have had. I wish I had just been that person for my family. I should not have handed over that role to him, but I was doing everything for the kids, too, while we were both working at firms and something had to give. UGH. So depressed. Thanks for listening. And yes, I believe he is well aware of how I feel. The marriage is kind of in a downward spiral because of it.

You seem to be someone who's wayyyyy too focused on work as a measure of worth and a path to happiness. Relax. Play some video games with your husband. Life will be fine.

Anonymous wrote:To make a long story short, I quit my high paying job 5 years ago and regret it as the worst mistake of my life. I was in big law and now am in a legal position that is flexible, enjoyable, still somewhat prestigious, but pays much less. My DH, who seemed from the beginning to be smart, capable (still is), and destined for success, has turned out to be kind of lazy and always in search of a get-rich-quick scheme. I have known him for 15 years; he did exceptionally well in school (full scholarship to excellent college starting at age 16, years later went to law school--top of class--great jobs; extra law degree, LLM--again, top grades, jobs). Basically he is always switching jobs and although good at practicing law, does not really like it, always prioritizes other things, is always looking for something better, wasted a bunch of our money trying to start a company. So, now we are renting a small house (used to own), seem to always worry about money and spend countless days/months/weeks strategizing about his ever-changing career, my job seems to be the most steady thing we have, and I do most of the work around the house and nearly everything for the kids, too. I quit my job to be with the kids more. I am in a bind now because a) it would probably be difficult to go back to my old career; b) people at my job now are counting on me and it would be hard to leave (obv I could but it would burn bridges etc); and c) I still do most of the childcare and do not feel confident that my husband could/would do that well. He just feels so unreliable and I feel like our priorities have diverged. I know the kids have benefited from my being more available, but I wonder if they would be better off with the financial security I could have offered them by staying in big law. I knew DH was not the most stick-to-it guy, but his smarts always seemed to carry him and he always could get any position. Now he just seems so lazy to me and doesn't seem to want the success he could have had. I wish I had just been that person for my family. I should not have handed over that role to him, but I was doing everything for the kids, too, while we were both working at firms and something had to give. UGH. So depressed. Thanks for listening. And yes, I believe he is well aware of how I feel. The marriage is kind of in a downward spiral because of it.