You went to an IVy League school but have zero communication skills.
Pretend this is a co-worker, a colleague, a client. How would you handle an unpleasant professional situation?

Hint: clear boundaries, confident demeanor.

PP's have given you good advice, you keep coming back with "but it's so haaard!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I'd just cut to the chase and wave the white flag:

Them: So what will you do if Larlo gets a B?
You: I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?
Them: Blah blah blah
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
You: I'm not sure. What instrument do you think she should play?
Them: Blah blah blah.
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

And so on.

Excellent idea. Only issue is that they follow up! Actual example:

"What books are you reading DS?"

"Oh we are really into x right now! He loves action and adventure!"

"Have you considered y book (which is way too advanced for the kids)?"

"Sounds a bit advanced but I'll look into it thanks."

Three months later...

How was y book? Why didn't you start reading that to him? Here I just ordered it for you online. It's coming in the mail shortly.

-OP

And your response is:

You: Okay. Thanks! So how is Inlawville? Have you had much rain? We're expecting showers tonight...

Don't make this harder than it has to be OP.

And then they say, "it's raining. Back to the topic at hand- he really needs to improve his reading...."

Sorry but it is more difficult than you may perceive PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I'd just cut to the chase and wave the white flag:

Them: So what will you do if Larlo gets a B?
You: I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?
Them: Blah blah blah
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
You: I'm not sure. What instrument do you think she should play?
Them: Blah blah blah.
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

And so on.

Excellent idea. Only issue is that they follow up! Actual example:

"What books are you reading DS?"

"Oh we are really into x right now! He loves action and adventure!"

"Have you considered y book (which is way too advanced for the kids)?"

"Sounds a bit advanced but I'll look into it thanks."

Three months later...

How was y book? Why didn't you start reading that to him? Here I just ordered it for you online. It's coming in the mail shortly.

-OP

And your response is:

You: Okay. Thanks! So how is Inlawville? Have you had much rain? We're expecting showers tonight...

Don't make this harder than it has to be OP.

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I'd just cut to the chase and wave the white flag:

Them: So what will you do if Larlo gets a B?
You: I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?
Them: Blah blah blah
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
You: I'm not sure. What instrument do you think she should play?
Them: Blah blah blah.
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

And so on.

Excellent idea. Only issue is that they follow up! Actual example:

"What books are you reading DS?"

"Oh we are really into x right now! He loves action and adventure!"

"Have you considered y book (which is way too advanced for the kids)?"

"Sounds a bit advanced but I'll look into it thanks."

Three months later...

How was y book? Why didn't you start reading that to him? Here I just ordered it for you online. It's coming in the mail shortly.

-OP

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up, OP. You married into this family.

This side of them never came out until we had kids. Before then they were (relatively) normal towards me.

Op

Suck it up, OP. You married into this family.

Meh, I'd just cut to the chase and wave the white flag:

Them: So what will you do if Larlo gets a B?
You: I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?
Them: Blah blah blah
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
You: I'm not sure. What instrument do you think she should play?
Them: Blah blah blah.
You: Sounds great. Thank you.

And so on.

Anonymous wrote:
Suck it up.

It's not like they see you once a week. Managing it a few times a year is better than having a fallout and your husband having to deal with repercussions.

I think you're right. But that beer truck response I might sneak in!

-OP

^^ this is OP.

Forgot to mention that they mistakenly believe the kids were accepted into their charter after a lengthy testing process. I even got a gift certificate for a spa and a thank you note for assisting my child in achieving greatness. It was just a lucky lottery draw! I am not saying anything. ?

Suck it up.

It's not like they see you once a week. Managing it a few times a year is better than having a fallout and your husband having to deal with repercussions.

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh loud and long every time they started that BS and then I would answer them facetiously.

Them: What would you if Larlo got a B in a HS class?
Me: Run him down with my car.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
Me: The triangle.

Them: How do you plan to become more involved in the children's schooling?
Me: I am organizing the beer truck for the school picnic so I am very involved.

This made me laugh out loud. Please please do this. (South Asian here)

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh loud and long every time they started that BS and then I would answer them facetiously.

Them: What would you if Larlo got a B in a HS class?
Me: Run him down with my car.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
Me: The triangle.

Them: How do you plan to become more involved in the children's schooling?
Me: I am organizing the beer truck for the school picnic so I am very involved.

Um some of the questions you're asking are DIRECTLY from their playbook.

I have tried this, but they usually stare straight at me for several seconds and say nothing then turn to my husband and ask him again.

This is more of a vent post I guess.

I would laugh loud and long every time they started that BS and then I would answer them facetiously.

Them: What would you if Larlo got a B in a HS class?
Me: Run him down with my car.

Them: What instrument is Larla going to play?
Me: The triangle.

Them: How do you plan to become more involved in the children's schooling?
Me: I am organizing the beer truck for the school picnic so I am very involved.

I would just let a few blowouts happen and say to them "I'm an adult who has already graduated from school. So I refuse to be quizzed. You can keep trying to quiz me, but I'll keep refusing. So let's just skip that portion of the visit and enjoy each other's company."

My Inlaws are visiting soon, and I'd love some advice on dealing with them. They're loving and kind to my kids (the few times a year they see them), but bother me when they sit down and list our faults and how we should improve things. They're fresh off the boat Asian and expect us to raise our kids a certain way. They act this way towards all their kids and Inlaws. I'm actually they're favorite DIL because I went to an Ivy League school, something they remind my SIL of every chance they get. I just don't know what to say when it happens. They'll actually give me dilemmas and ask how I would resolve them as a parent, then critique my response! My husband is used to this so he just deals with it. Walking away doesn't work, and telling them I'm not going to play their little game doesn't work either (major blowout when I stood up and said i didn't need this). I am not Asian, but I don't think this is normal for Asian families. A lot of their values are actually similar to my own, but I hate that they act as if thats the "only" way to raise your child. Thoughts on dealing with this? I'm leaning towards just sucking it up. They don't understand sarcasm or humor.