Anonymous wrote:I work an 8-hour day. Husband works from home and takes care of our 15-month-old. He also cleans (he likes doing it) and does the dishes. Our 4.5-year-old is in preschool.

When I come home (around 6:30, after an hour-long commute), I cook dinner, we eat, go for a 30-min walk with the kids. By the time we return, it's 8:30, and I am exhausted. The kids take a bath 2x a week, if they are lucky (we wash the private parts every day). Sometimes we do some workbooks with the 4.5-y-o that she loves, and we alternate nights reading to her while the other watches the baby. After the kids are asleep (between 9:30-10), I study (I'm in grad school) and help husband with his business (I love doing both, it's not a chore). We go to bed after midnight and wake up at 6:30 am.

My question is, how can I do all of the above and have energy)? Most of the time, I am on autopilot with my energy down to the lovest level. We can't skip dinner, walk (my only excercise) or reading (bonding time). Working Moms, how do you do it?

OP, I mean this nicely, but do you really not see why you're exhausted? You're probably sleeping 6 hours, max, every night. Even without kids, a job, a commute, etc., you'd be exhausted. That's not enough sleep.

I also agree your kids are going to bed too late.

Even your 15 month old is away until 9:30 or 10?

I agree with PPs. Way too late. Have both down by 8pm. (My 18 month old is asleep by 7:30.)

You're not getting enough sleep and your commute seems unsustainable to me.

But at the very least, start getting everyone more rest.

you let me know if you figure it out!

I get to bed earlier than that, as do my kids, and I'm not in school (BUT I am still night-nursing my youngest; so, yeah, I feel the pain.).

My guess is that you could get the kids to bed earlier, which would help some. Picking up take-out or eating leftovers is an easy way to cut out the cooking time. Dinner can be eaten in 30 minutes (unless that's really quality family time for you, of course), and cleaned up in 5 (assuming you have a dishwasher!). Divide and conquer at bedtime, trading off kids so that they are both going to bed about the same time. and shorten the bedtime routine a little, if you can. I am firmly of the opinion that bathtime + storytime + in the bed should be 30 minutes or less, though my DH likes to drag it out. Finally, try to just go to bed early at least one night/week. I find my attitude/endurance improves dramatically if I can get 8 hours of sleep just occasionally.

Anyway, other than the walk, my family manages to accomplish most of the same stuff, but I get home at 6 and we get the kids to bed by 8. (830 or 9 only on those days when DH is working late and I'm doing it on my own) Although I occasionally have no choice but to do some work after that, my brain is usually swiss cheese. (No infrequently, I will actually sleep first, and get up at 4am to do the additional work). I can't imagine how I would function if I had 2-3 more hours of work or study to do every night! I would collapse! here is our evening routine:

6 - everyone arrives home, put things away, potty, quick nursing session if baby is hungry, etc
615- 645 - dinner (usually microwaved leftovers; we cook on weekends)
645 - bathtime, if its a bath night (usually DH takes 2yo and I take baby. baby only takes a few minutes; 2yo takes longer)
7-730 - baby bedtime routine (including nursing, rocking, story). (usually this is all me, since I am still nursing)
730-745 - 2yo bedtime routine (potty, story, song) (usually this is all DH when he is in town; I just go in for a quick hug and kiss when baby is down. after that, I usually finish cleaning up dinner, put on laundry, etc, for about 15 minutes.).
evening - that leaves me the rest of the evening. as I said, sometimes I need to work, sometimes I need to vegetate, sometimes I actually get some quality time with DH. usually, I nurse the baby again and go to bed around 10, and get 7-ish hours of (interrupted) sleep, which still leaves me exhausted.

you'll notice there's plenty of extra time built in for the 2yo, especially on nights she is not getting a bath. that's playtime if she's being cooperative, but sometimes just built-in tantrum time. she is usually in bed by 745 with some books and toys, albeit not necessarily asleep.

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider grad school. Can you put it off until kids are in elementary school?

Also, what about afternoon or morning daycare or sitter for the 15mo? That would give your dh more time for work during the day so you don't have to work at night. And he could have dinner ready when you come in the door.

+1. He could even do a mother's morning out type program.

Yup, no idea how you are handling keeping the kids up so late. Ours are in bed by 7:30/8 at the latest, then I often will exercise (and you'll be able to exercise harder if not dragging the kids along) which energizes me to put in my hours for work or to do things around the house. Can you shift your schedule to get home a little earlier? How long do you take to get ready in the morning? If I exercise and shower at night, I can be out the door in the morning in 20 minutes if not in charge of the kids. Can you do meal prep on weekends and have your husband pop something in the oven so you can eat as soon as you arrive home, thus starting your evening routine earlier? You have a lot on your plate, so will probably be tired regardless, but I think if you do some streamlining and get the kids to bed earlier you won't be quite so drained.

I would reconsider grad school. Can you put it off until kids are in elementary school?

Also, what about afternoon or morning daycare or sitter for the 15mo? That would give your dh more time for work during the day so you don't have to work at night. And he could have dinner ready when you come in the door.

I know if I consistently get less than 7 hours of sleep a night I slip into chronic exhaustion. Definitely put the kids to bed a little earlier and get yourself in bed a little earlier too!

You're doing a lot! Give yourself a break. There's no way to do everything you're doing and have energy. It's actually amazing that you're doing all the stuff you're doing at all!

I would aim to get more sleep at night. Right now you're getting about 6.5 hours a night. I don't function well unless I have about 8. I know it's a pipe dream, but if you did prioritize sleep, you might have a bit more energy.

Yeah OP - get those kiddies down!! First think I'm looking to do is that with my 3 and 5 yr olds even on weekends bedtime is lights out by 8pm and 730-8pm for the younger one. Even by then I'm exhausted. Like all the other pp said, as a mom, I don't know how some moms look so good cause I sure don't! And I outsource just about everything including having my nanny overnight kids on weekends from time to time otherwise I'd be a complete wreck. DH too. It's really hard and prob harder because you are in grad school. A lot of it is mental - it's not just the physical with moms and dads - it's what you have to think about and on your mind 24/7. The fact you have to study probably adds to that level of energy you are using. I gave up my Director job cause I don't need to be managing others - I have 2 in the house to do and enough for me! Vegging out and not thinking and doing nothing for a few hours every couple weeks will go far in recharging - trust me Good luck!

My kids are 5 and 7, I do not go to grad school nor do we have a business, and I struggle with the same issues. The evenings are my biggest chunk of time to get things done around the house, but I'm just too tired. I'm trying to train myself to go to bed earlier, but it's hard because I am naturally a night owl. At any rate, the only suggestion I have for OP is trying for an earlier bedtime for the kids. The sooner they are in bed, the earlier you can get going on all your evening activities and maybe get to bed earlier yourself.

You're doing a lot on top of work and home. School and helping your husband. Plus the long commute is draining you. Make it so dinner is super easy: cook the chicken/protein on the weekend, chop and wash the salad veg every couple of days in a batch. I go to sleep at 10:30 max and get up at 7 or 7:30 and I'm refreshed. I can only do this because I have no commute and dinner is super quick to make.
Good luck. School will probably not be much longer for you so there's that time you will get back.

Gradschool. When it's over, you'll have energy. And you're super lucky to have DH clean and provide childcare, most moms don't have it. Or have longer work days.

Your kids are going to bed way too late. I realize you want to spend time with them after getting home from work, but unless your kids are sleeping in until 10 am every day, they need to be going to bed somewhere between 7 pm and 8 pm at the latest -- this is for their health, not yours. Once they're in bed two hours earlier, though, you'll be able to start your nighttime work two hours earlier, get to bed two hours earlier, and then get two extra hours of sleep yourself, which you desperately need to get through all of your evening activities with any kind of energy.

If you are skeptical, give it a try for two weeks. I'm willing to bet that after two weeks, you will feel much better, you'll get work done more efficiently, and will find you actually have more time (between evenings and weekends) where you are engaged with your child, as opposed to just marking time because you're exhausted.

OP, I have no idea. My kid is now 13. The second I figure it out, I will tell you!

I think it is incredible and wonderful that you are also in grad school. Honestly, you need more sleep in here somewhere. I know; easier said than done. Is there any way you can possibly cut corners and bank a little more sleep in the morning?

Or, you know, drink more coffee?

I work an 8-hour day. Husband works from home and takes care of our 15-month-old. He also cleans (he likes doing it) and does the dishes. Our 4.5-year-old is in preschool.

When I come home (around 6:30, after an hour-long commute), I cook dinner, we eat, go for a 30-min walk with the kids. By the time we return, it's 8:30, and I am exhausted. The kids take a bath 2x a week, if they are lucky (we wash the private parts every day). Sometimes we do some workbooks with the 4.5-y-o that she loves, and we alternate nights reading to her while the other watches the baby. After the kids are asleep (between 9:30-10), I study (I'm in grad school) and help husband with his business (I love doing both, it's not a chore). We go to bed after midnight and wake up at 6:30 am.

My question is, how can I do all of the above and have energy)? Most of the time, I am on autopilot with my energy down to the lovest level. We can't skip dinner, walk (my only excercise) or reading (bonding time). Working Moms, how do you do it?