Your MIL sounds chronically ill and over dramatic. She and this priest have probably been planning her death and her funeral for years. Forget about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let it go right now. If her health does take a turn for the worse then consider a small ceremony for your husband. It can just be a small thing with you two, mil, and minister in the hospital room. If she wants a big ceremony at church and all the works then I wouldn't do that.

Why a minister? OP doesn't want that. If MIL does and OP doesn't, that's tough luck for MIL.

Not OP but I think a minister would be an expedient choice. They're already licensed to perform marriage ceremonies. It's not enough to have a license, you need 'someone' to perform a ceremony. There's usually a chaplain available at hospitals and hospice. One of them could do it as well - but, I wouldn't feel compelled to married on someone else's death bed. Neither should OP.

Anonymous wrote:I would let it go and not think a thing about it unless she takes a dramatic turn for the worse. She is just pondering her own mortality and was running "fantasies" by a friend. Frankly it was inappropriate fo the religious person to say anything to you.

Your future MIL hasn't said anything to you, so I think she knows it isn't an appropraite topic at this time. Don't read into it.

+1. He is totally in the wrong to say anything to you. It's probably something she said to him one time and wasn't even serious about. I wouldn't make an issue of it unless it really comes to a head.

Anonymous wrote:Just let it go right now. If her health does take a turn for the worse then consider a small ceremony for your husband. It can just be a small thing with you two, mil, and minister in the hospital room. If she wants a big ceremony at church and all the works then I wouldn't do that.

Why a minister? OP doesn't want that. If MIL does and OP doesn't, that's tough luck for MIL.

Just let it go right now. If her health does take a turn for the worse then consider a small ceremony for your husband. It can just be a small thing with you two, mil, and minister in the hospital room. If she wants a big ceremony at church and all the works then I wouldn't do that.

I would let it go and not think a thing about it unless she takes a dramatic turn for the worse. She is just pondering her own mortality and was running "fantasies" by a friend. Frankly it was inappropriate fo the religious person to say anything to you.

Your future MIL hasn't said anything to you, so I think she knows it isn't an appropraite topic at this time. Don't read into it.

Anonymous wrote:i am the op. mil is a pushy person, generally. and yes, she does like an awful lot of attention and focus on her (in sickness and in health, no pun intended).

i also forgot to mention that when we got engaged, she thanked me...not asked...but thanked me for "allowing her to play a bigger role in wedding planning than a typical mother of groom."

13:09 here. OP, if I thanked you for giving me $500, would you then feel compelled to give me the $500? Of course not. You and your fiancé determine what her role is, not her. She had her turn getting married. Now it's your turn. I would advise you not to let her pay for any part of the wedding, in order to maintain independence.

What does your fiancé think?

Anonymous wrote:OP, she can have all kinds of plans and conversations. It doesn't mean you have to implement them. I would just talk to your fiancé, get on the same page about holding firm in the face of any unexpected developments, and deal with it if and when things actually happen. Don't sweat it.

Don't sweat it until/unless fiance starts siding with her over what you all planned.

i am the op. mil is a pushy person, generally. and yes, she does like an awful lot of attention and focus on her (in sickness and in health, no pun intended).

i also forgot to mention that when we got engaged, she thanked me...not asked...but thanked me for "allowing her to play a bigger role in wedding planning than a typical mother of groom."

OP, she can have all kinds of plans and conversations. It doesn't mean you have to implement them. I would just talk to your fiancé, get on the same page about holding firm in the face of any unexpected developments, and deal with it if and when things actually happen. Don't sweat it.

Anonymous wrote:Your fiance needs to talk to her and tell her to cut it out. If this wasn't something you and fiance ever discussed or planned to discuss, then don't let her push you on it.

You need to be on guard. If she's trying to do this--which is a VERY big deal--then she's capable of other things. It also shows that she has the expectation that your lives revolve around her. Which they shouldn't, and I hope they never do.

She sounds manipulative and I wouldn't put it past her to use her illness as an reason to blackmail you guys into having a kid before you're ready if she's doing this kind of thing. (And to be perfectly blunt, once she's dead she isn't going to be alive to remember your wedding or children.)

I would advise you to get premarital counseling, and bring up this specifically. I'm not saying you have a bad relationship, but counseling will help you guys put everything out there on the table and work through things (or learn how to) BEFORE you get married and BEFORE you have to put knowledge into action.

You know all this . . . How? Holy overreaction, Batman.

Your fiance needs to talk to her and tell her to cut it out. If this wasn't something you and fiance ever discussed or planned to discuss, then don't let her push you on it.

You need to be on guard. If she's trying to do this--which is a VERY big deal--then she's capable of other things. It also shows that she has the expectation that your lives revolve around her. Which they shouldn't, and I hope they never do.

She sounds manipulative and I wouldn't put it past her to use her illness as an reason to blackmail you guys into having a kid before you're ready if she's doing this kind of thing. (And to be perfectly blunt, once she's dead she isn't going to be alive to remember your wedding or children.)

I would advise you to get premarital counseling, and bring up this specifically. I'm not saying you have a bad relationship, but counseling will help you guys put everything out there on the table and work through things (or learn how to) BEFORE you get married and BEFORE you have to put knowledge into action.

That is crazy. But I might be a little crazy if I know I am dying too.
I would not say anything about it and if the situation actually comes up you can deal with it then. It's not like you are going to be forced to do anything against your will.

What was your fiance's reaction?

Don't worry about it. If MIL gets very sick then address it.

would like to get some thoughts on my situation. fiance's mother (MIL) has been sickly on and off for several years. there is no end date or stage level to her illness, it's just a "continue treatment and see if her illness can be cured, and if not cured, then managed" type of thing. she is mid 60s.

we have been engaged for 9 months and we are finalizing wedding plans- no religious ceremony. MIL asked fiance and me to come to a party she was hosting at her home. at the party, a woman in religious outfit came up to me and said, "it's nice to actually meet you, but i hope i won't have to see you again." i was puzzled by this. she said, "you don't know who i am?" i was getting weirded out and told her i had no clue who she was or what she was talking about. the woman said, "I'm MIL's priest/minister, etc. She said I will be the one to marry you all in a small ceremony if her health takes a turn for the worse. that's why i joked i hope i don't actually see you again!"

i stood there in shock. fiance and i have not talked with MIL or anyone else about ANY type of alternate or "moved up" wedding or exchanging of vows. even more, fiance and i decided together to not have any sort of religious ceremony. MIL knows that. I do not share the same denomination or church membership as MIL and her minister. fiance grew up in that same denomination, but he is no longer religious, and like i said earlier, we BOTH decided to not have any religious tone in our wedding.

why is she making these decisions and having these conversations? i'm frustrated!