My 10 yr old DS is cool with kids, but doesn't like to "play" with them.

I'm so glad someone else posted this. We have 4 girls (16, 10, 3 and 2). The older two are from my DH's first marriage and they live with us 50%. The 10 year old has always been close with the 3 year old, but lately she is "annoyed" with the little one and has almost become mean. She goes to her room and locks the 3 year old out. It's very upsetting to the 3 year old, as she doesn't understand why. When they do spend time together, the 10 year old like to "parent" her (corrects her, etc.). I'm not sure why the change all of a sudden. We are trying to correct it by taking to them and encouraging the good sibling behavior when we see it. Maybe it's just her entering the "tween" years? Anyone else seeing this type of behavior? If so, how do you deal with it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. Did you push them to spend more time together as a way of "bonding" or just let the relationship take its course based on the older children's interest? Did you feel like pushing them to spend time together actually worked or that, for instance, they were closer after you took longer vacations together (if you did)?

Not PP, but I wouldn't "push." I would try to do things as a family--like eating/making dinner together, making cookies--something they easily do an enjoy together.

Also, if the 11 year old needs to read for school or the summer (some schools have a weekly/monthly quota), you might have the 11 year old read favorite books to the younger one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 11. Half sister is 4. Dad is very stressed that the elder one doesn't seem "close" with the younger one. I'm thinking it's just that 11-year-old kids don't like playing with 4-year-olds and that pushing the point won't help.

What do you think? Is there any research I can show dad to get him to chill out and stop worrying? Like kids this far apart normally aren't close at this point but can get close as adults?

Do they live together?

Half of the time.

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 11. Half sister is 4. Dad is very stressed that the elder one doesn't seem "close" with the younger one. I'm thinking it's just that 11-year-old kids don't like playing with 4-year-olds and that pushing the point won't help.

What do you think? Is there any research I can show dad to get him to chill out and stop worrying? Like kids this far apart normally aren't close at this point but can get close as adults?

Do they live together?

My 10 year old son often plays with my 5 year old daughter. It's a question of temperament, and I don't think it can be forced beyond a certain point, otherwise the older one will resent you. I explain to my daughter that DS needs some alone time, and time with his own friends. I also make an effort to pick out movies, read-aloud books and activities that they would both like, and we see and do them together, which makes for excellent bonding time. It helps that my son doesn't mind "childish" things, and that my daughter is rather advanced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they opposite sex? I can't imagine a 11 year old boy would want to play with a 4 year old of either sex?

Both girls but older is a tomboy and younger is more of a girly girl.

I have a 13 and 5yr old and it is hit or miss. Oldest is tomboy and 5yr old is girly but has really come into her own with 13yr around to show her fun. But when the 13yr old is moody she takes her frustrations out on the 5yr old. But they do play a lot but tomboy girl still likes to play and 5yr old is the perfect excuse.

Anonymous wrote:My kids were 9 and 12 when the third was born, and 15 and 12 when the fourth was born. The 9 yr old was cool with the baby. By the time she was 11-13 she was over her and into her own friends. Around 14 she started getting into the 5 yr old and 2 yr old again.

OP here. Did you push them to spend more time together as a way of "bonding" or just let the relationship take its course based on the older children's interest? Did you feel like pushing them to spend time together actually worked or that, for instance, they were closer after you took longer vacations together (if you did)?

Mine did. Common element was matchbox cars and hot wheels. My kids all loved/love them and whenever one pulls them out all three will play. Also my middle one would play Barbies and dress up with my youngest. He likes to make her happy. They are the same age split you have. My older two are boys and youngest is a girl. I will say that most people think my kids are unusually close though.

My 10 yr old DS has a 3 yr old half sister. He has almost zero interest in her. I didn't expect that he would want to play with her. He won't have anything to do with girls his own age either. Lol!

My kids were 9 and 12 when the third was born, and 15 and 12 when the fourth was born. The 9 yr old was cool with the baby. By the time she was 11-13 she was over her and into her own friends. Around 14 she started getting into the 5 yr old and 2 yr old again.

Anonymous wrote:Are they opposite sex? I can't imagine a 11 year old boy would want to play with a 4 year old of either sex?

Both girls but older is a tomboy and younger is more of a girly girl.

Are they opposite sex? I can't imagine a 11 year old boy would want to play with a 4 year old of either sex?

Sibling relationships are all over the map depending on the personalities of the kids involved. Some tweens love playing with little kids and some don't. Either is perfectly normal.

Dad needs to raise the kids he has not the ones he wishes he had.

My oldest is 11. Half sister is 4. Dad is very stressed that the elder one doesn't seem "close" with the younger one. I'm thinking it's just that 11-year-old kids don't like playing with 4-year-olds and that pushing the point won't help.

What do you think? Is there any research I can show dad to get him to chill out and stop worrying? Like kids this far apart normally aren't close at this point but can get close as adults?