Anonymous
07/06/2015 16:41
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I'm definitely against moving in with a guy who I am not going to marry. I'm interested in marriage at this point in my life and the bf is aware of that. But I want to get my own apartment first, so the move in process is at least one year away
agree w previous posters to wait until the wedding is in the planning stages. bad relationships can go on for too long otherwise.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 16:39
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Never
Anonymous
07/06/2015 16:37
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
I waited until:
A.We'd been dating over a year
B. I'd graduated from college
C. I'd lived on my own for a year
A.We'd been dating over a year
B. I'd graduated from college
C. I'd lived on my own for a year
Anonymous
07/06/2015 16:36
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Anonymous wrote:Do some research on "slide vs decide". The divorce rate is higher for couples that lived together prior to getting engaged or married. One theory is that it's so difficult to break up and separate all the stuff that mediocre relationships 'slide' into marriage. There wasn't anything wrong and no reason to break up, so they just allowed the marriage to happen.
Also, many people waste YEARS in relationships that aren't going any where because it is easier to stay together. So now you are a 36yo woman who's been with and living with a guy for 7 years. And you break up. And the baby panic intensifies. But if you hadn't been living together, you'd have seen that by year 3 things weren't going to work out.
At a minimum, wait to move in together until the first year honeymoon period has past. Then only move in if you have had the "where are we going" talk and have a timeline for engagement or break up. Meaning, we think this is moving toward marriage. Within 1 year, we will either be engaged or breaking up. If we aren't engaged (and planning a wedding within the next year), then we will break up.
DH and I didn't move in together until after we were engaged and wedding planned. Lived together 3 months before the wedding.
+1
Anonymous
07/06/2015 16:35
Subject: Re:When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
After you are engaged.
When you live together, you are less proactive about a marriage choice than you would be if you made the choice from a logistically simpler, independent place. In other words, it becomes easier to marry than not - even if that easier choice is the wrong one for you.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?_r=0
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/
When you live together, you are less proactive about a marriage choice than you would be if you made the choice from a logistically simpler, independent place. In other words, it becomes easier to marry than not - even if that easier choice is the wrong one for you.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-cohabiting-before-marriage.html?_r=0
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:51
Subject: Re:When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Never
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:40
Subject: Re:When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
The appropriate time is when YOU feel ready. Not coerced, not pressured, but feel it is the right time. Trust your gut.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:34
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Do some research on "slide vs decide". The divorce rate is higher for couples that lived together prior to getting engaged or married. One theory is that it's so difficult to break up and separate all the stuff that mediocre relationships 'slide' into marriage. There wasn't anything wrong and no reason to break up, so they just allowed the marriage to happen.
Also, many people waste YEARS in relationships that aren't going any where because it is easier to stay together. So now you are a 36yo woman who's been with and living with a guy for 7 years. And you break up. And the baby panic intensifies. But if you hadn't been living together, you'd have seen that by year 3 things weren't going to work out.
At a minimum, wait to move in together until the first year honeymoon period has past. Then only move in if you have had the "where are we going" talk and have a timeline for engagement or break up. Meaning, we think this is moving toward marriage. Within 1 year, we will either be engaged or breaking up. If we aren't engaged (and planning a wedding within the next year), then we will break up.
DH and I didn't move in together until after we were engaged and wedding planned. Lived together 3 months before the wedding.
Also, many people waste YEARS in relationships that aren't going any where because it is easier to stay together. So now you are a 36yo woman who's been with and living with a guy for 7 years. And you break up. And the baby panic intensifies. But if you hadn't been living together, you'd have seen that by year 3 things weren't going to work out.
At a minimum, wait to move in together until the first year honeymoon period has past. Then only move in if you have had the "where are we going" talk and have a timeline for engagement or break up. Meaning, we think this is moving toward marriage. Within 1 year, we will either be engaged or breaking up. If we aren't engaged (and planning a wedding within the next year), then we will break up.
DH and I didn't move in together until after we were engaged and wedding planned. Lived together 3 months before the wedding.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:26
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Anonymous wrote:There is not a set time. We didn't move in together until we were engaged (three years into the relationship). I personally wouldn't move in with just a 'boyfriend'.
I'd agree with this, unless someone simply doesn't care about getting married. And by engaged I mean an actual date set. Open-ended engagements don't count as engagements in my mind, ring or no ring. No date? You're just in limbo.
DW and I moved in together after becoming engaged. We dated a year, got engaged, and lived together for a year before the wedding. We were 30/29.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:23
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
OP, here. I'm definitely against moving in with a guy who I am not going to marry. I'm interested in marriage at this point in my life and the bf is aware of that. But I want to get my own apartment first, so the move in process is at least one year away
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:14
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Anonymous wrote:There is not a set time. We didn't move in together until we were engaged (three years into the relationship). I personally wouldn't move in with just a 'boyfriend'.
I agree with this. My brother is in his late 20s and moved in with his gf almost 2yrs ago. He has told us that he doesn't think she's "the one", but the hassle of breaking up, breaking a lease, separating out household goods and so on has been a disincentive to rocking the boat.
Personally, I wouldn't move in until the wedding date is set. I moved in with DH about 6wks before we got married. Before then, we both maintained our own homes even though we spent most nights together at one place or the other.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:12
Subject: Re:When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
Are you OK with living with someone even if you will never get married?
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:12
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
There is not a set time. We didn't move in together until we were engaged (three years into the relationship). I personally wouldn't move in with just a 'boyfriend'.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:10
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
It really depends on the relationship and the people. I moved in with DH after 9 months and have never regretted it. I know people who have moved in with their signicant others 2 yearS after dating and broke up shortly after because they didn't work as roommates. I know someone who was in a bind and moved in with her boyfriend of 3 months anD they have never regretted it and have an awesome marriage.
Anonymous
07/06/2015 14:07
Subject: When is the appropriate time to move in with your gf/bf?
I know every relationship is different. I'm in my late 20s and most of friends span from my age to mid 30s. A couple of my girlfriends have mentioned that the year mark was an ideal time for them, but now that they are settled in, they wish they would have waited. One of my married girlfriends unofficially shared her dorm room with her boyfriend beginning sophomore year and they got an apartment once graduated. They are happily married. I don't want to make a mistake as moving in is a big deal. At the moment, I do have a roommate and I do want to experience living alone prior to marriage.