Anonymous wrote:
Don't take any pregnancy tests before that blood test. Chances of seeing a positive that early are low and it was harder on me emotionally to see that negative than to just wait. Not to mention, they are expensive, and you have enough to spend on.

Anonymous wrote:All right, I'll bite. I've spent a lot of time on this board, and have found it (mostly) to be a place of solace and support over the past year. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I do have some tips and tricks. (But no baby. Yet.)

I can only address my experience, as a woman in her early 40s who married late, has a non-traditional and flexible work schedule, good insurance, a supportive partner, and decent-for-my-age AMH and other levels. Some of my tips and tricks may not be applicable to you, or may not be appropriate for you, or may outright offend you. My perspective and experience is not yours, please don't attack me for not being you! (My particulars: I have been TTC for more than two years. One blocked fallopian tube. Three unsuccessful IUIs. Two rounds of IVF, the second one I had a short-lived BFP, but I had to induce a miscarriage at 8 weeks when the heart stopped beating. No frozen blasts to work with, so I'm starting a final round soon. Then? who knows.)

Here's what I've found helps me get through all of it.

Take a look at your diet and make sure it supports your fertility journey. It may mean that you need to gain weight -- or lose weight. If you drink, cut back. (I did, and lost 20 lbs. But my doctor told me not to lose more weight because estrogen is stored in fat.) If you have a frappuccino with whipped cream and lots of sugar, knock it off, that shit is toxic. But a cup of coffee, savored, is not. Eat foods that are supportive to your fertility, including whole fat dairy, fish and other nutrient-dense foods. Don't drink soda, duh. Get your partner on board with this. Make cooking and meal preparation a thing you do together to support each other. At the very minimum, it's a place of positive focus that can create lifelong good habits.

Take a prenatal vitamin. But don't stress over the other supplements. Unless you're having very specific immune problems or are on a PCOS diet, a good prenatal vitamin is going to cover most of what you need. I take prenatal DHA, too, because my eggs are old. I also eat flax in my daily smoothie, for the same reason.

Take care of your body by moving it. If that means a walk every day, or going running three times a week, or lots of yoga, do it. If you suspect that you are doing too much and your level of activity isn't supportive of your quest to have a baby -- and most of you who are compulsive overexercisers know who you are -- then cut back. Find a slightly less intense activity. Trade a hot yoga class for something gentler. Trade the 10-mile run for a three-mile run and a couple of slow ambles each week. Find levels of activity that support your fertility journey, and make them habits of well-being. Hopefully, habits that will extend into your pregnancy.

Take care of your body by taking time to look good. When we look good, we feel good. That might mean getting your hair cut or colored regularly, a standing appointment for a pedicure or manicure, getting your hair blown out, or other simpler acts of self-care like taking an unapologetic long shower.

Your body will change and that is okay. You're not going to feel good, especially after your egg retrieval, your pants may not fit because you are bloated, you will have sticky progesterone discharge in your underwear. It's all temporary. Remember that. A matter of weeks, not a lifetime.

Acupuncture: This isn't for everyone, but my insurance covers it. There's an NIH study out there that shows there are slightly better IVF outcomes for women who do acupuncture. There's another study that shows that even if pregnancy rates aren't higher, the women who do acupuncture during IVF are happier and more optimistic.

Find a project. Maybe it's renovating your bathroom. Or a work project you can throw your whole self into. Or cleaning out your closets. Or planning a vacation. Find something that takes you beyond the 6 weeks or so that you're consumed with an IVF cycle.

Find something beyond yourself and your own problems. Volunteer somewhere. Help an older person. Heck, introduce yourself to an older person in your neighborhood and see what you can do to help them, whether it's pick up groceries or trim their hedges. Take a class completely unrelated to infertility. Learn a new skill.

Limit yourself to 20 minutes each day on this board or any others. If you find yourself obsessing over it, use it as a 20-minute reward for doing something else more positive for yourself on any given day. Or instead, set a time and spend 20 minutes writing down your feelings, then walk away.

Download the Circle+Bloom meditations and do them. Or something else that turns your attention inward in a calming way. Make it a priority, maybe as a ritual after you give yourself your injection each night.

Create a ritual around your injections. Some women put on a kettle and steep tea while they're doing the injections, then enjoy a cup of tea with their partner. Others reward themselves with an episode of Orange is the New Black. I light a candle, recline on my yoga mat, and listen to the Circle+Bloom meditations.

Find someone supportive to confide in. A counselor, a good friend...someone who unconditionally supports you who is not your partner.

But limit your exposure to unhelpful people and situations that are hurtful. This may mean turning off Facebook or other social media for awhile. Don't go to baby showers. (Send a gift, but don't apologize for not being there. Babies should be celebrated, but the modern American baby shower is a retrograde, ridiculous ritual, anyway.) I cannot be around my friends with babies right now, and I know it. I am afraid about the effect it is having on friendships, but it's just not good for me right now, so I don't see them because it hurts me in a way that is physical. I had to stop watching the Mindy Project when it became about a fertility clinic. I walked out of "Into the Woods" when I realized it was about a couple trying to have a baby.

Don't be afraid to set stupid people straight, kindly, about infertility misconceptions. No, you don't "just" adopt. No, going on vacation and getting it on isn't the answer. No, I don't need to "relax," I am a pool of inner calm and poise, thanks. No, it's not cool that you're telling your birth story again, at this cookout. No, I don't want to hear about how surprised you were at how fast you got pregnant!
(But, you know, be nice. People say well-meaning but stupid shit all the time. We all do. You can even say that to them. "I know you are well-meaning, but your comment is hurtful and misguided.")

Limit the number of people who know the specific timing of your procedures. The more people who are invested in the outcome, the harder it is to have to tell them bad news later when you yourself haven't even processed the news. Also: their interest isn't always concern, it's sometimes gossip or prurient curiosity.

*Caveat: You may find that it is more helpful to be open about what is happening to you, especially with miscarriage. We have more in common with people than we sometimes know. Suffering is universal, after all. Reminding people of our commonalities makes us all more compassionate.

Remember: Each day is another opportunity. You can't change past outcomes, but you can live your life in a forward-thinking, positive way.

Anonymous wrote:

You need to advocate for yourself when there is a doctor/med recommendation etc that you don't like. You are allowed to switch doctors, nurses if you are not happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, no one else has helpful tips?

What do you consider a helpful tip? I've been through DE & PPs' advice is pretty good.

Anonymous wrote:Really, no one else has helpful tips?