My DS7 and rising 3rd grade has an IEP for social communication issues mainly since preK4. He has an ASD/ADHD diagnosis and is fully mainstreamed. The school has done lots of things to help and when you see DS on the playground, he does not appear to have any issues at all.

In PreK4, the teachers have set him up with "helpers" and recommended kids who are good matches for playdates. One of the "helpers" in preK4 is his best female friend. He also has a BFF (boy) who he loves dearly. DS is pretty popular and is liked by other kids: The girls mostly bc he is very cute and the boys bc he is an expert on Pokemon and Minecraft.

DS has extensive social skills training at school. In K and 1st, his Sp Ed teacher occasionally facilitated play during recess. Now it isn't needed. He has social skills classes with SLP as well as training with the school counselor once a week. He is also medicated for the ADHD and it makes him more social probably bc he can pay better attention to other people and to his social skills classes.

Definitely try some play dates with her classmates. Having friends will make all the difference.

OP - my DS8 doesn't do well during free play. We had language testing and determined that part of the issue is Gestalt processing/ theory of mind kinds of impairments- it's common with ADHD, etc. I'm not sure why- but ADHD seems to be hand in hand with a variety of other stuff. My DS has, what I now see, are mild issues with sensory discrimination.

Social skills therapy definitely provides some tools for relating well with others- however, I tend to think of what you're describing as fluid social reasoning. I don't think it can be learned, so much as managed with explicit instruction and practice.

Therapists can also help work on this. This was a disaster for us in preschool, but it has been somewhat better for us in elementary school, as many of the boys just play soccer at recess, which at least has it's own predictable rhythm and activity level. Girls are harder, I think.
I've found our public school to be pretty unhelpful with the recess thing. After a period of time in which another kid kept hitting my kid at recess (and, really, my kid was not the only one being hit, and the other kid was not the only one doing the hitting, from what I could gather), they did send the VP out for a while to monitor the kids. That's about all I could get out of them. The school counselor met with some of the kids in small groups (like my child and the one who kept hitting him) to talk about appropriate interactions and conflict resolution. At other schools, I think the counselors and vice principals might be more willing to be a little more engaged on the playground.
My other child, who is purportedly NT, has problems similar to your daughter's, but we've never really been able to resolve them. Recess time is just not her best time. She did get a purse for her birthday and starting using it to bring out things to amuse herself during recess. I also suggest after-school playdates and other venues to make and strengthen friendships -- recess is like the hardest place to do that, I've concluded.

Anonymous wrote:For social skills groups I would look at one that uses the Social Thinking curriculum. Very pleased with that for a DC who is fully mainstreamed. They go over really basic things like how to introduce yourself to a new friend to more complex issues like how to resolve a conflict.

This is a good idea, but there other effective models. For me it's been hit or missin terms of faciliators. I would suggest one-on-one play dates too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you for your response! I think you hit the nail on the head about the unpredictability of social situations. The school may allow aides at recess. What other private instruction on social skills would you recommend? I have read on other posts that social skills groups are hit or miss. I also wonder if there are any children's books that may address how children play together?

Well these are extremely elementary in terms of reading level, but the content might still be useful. The whole series of Cheri Meiners books.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1575421526/?tag=mh0b-20&hvadid=3487440324&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_5f2js4o7xn_e

Oh, and just following up myself -- we got this one to help ourselves teach play skills, and found our child reading this more than the kid books we'd bought her. She absolutely loved it and read it completely on her own initiative and learned a lot from it.

http://www.amazon.com/Picture-Teaching-emotion-communication-children/dp/1885477910

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you for your response! I think you hit the nail on the head about the unpredictability of social situations. The school may allow aides at recess. What other private instruction on social skills would you recommend? I have read on other posts that social skills groups are hit or miss. I also wonder if there are any children's books that may address how children play together?

Well these are extremely elementary in terms of reading level, but the content might still be useful. The whole series of Cheri Meiners books.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1575421526/?tag=mh0b-20&hvadid=3487440324&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_5f2js4o7xn_e

For social skills groups I would look at one that uses the Social Thinking curriculum. Very pleased with that for a DC who is fully mainstreamed. They go over really basic things like how to introduce yourself to a new friend to more complex issues like how to resolve a conflict.

OP here - thank you for your response! I think you hit the nail on the head about the unpredictability of social situations. The school may allow aides at recess. What other private instruction on social skills would you recommend? I have read on other posts that social skills groups are hit or miss. I also wonder if there are any children's books that may address how children play together?

Anonymous wrote:Rising first-grader DC has made a lot of progress with sensory issues and emotional regulation. She is in a public school and is able to get along with classmates in the context of structured class time. She and siblings play together well at home where we have worked out rules and expected behavior. However, she struggles with free play time at school (recess) and out and about in the neighborhood. It is a combination of not knowing how to find a place for herself in a group of children and not necessarily being all that interested in what the group is doing. Any suggestions?

Does the school permit a teacher or other aide to facilitate social interaction during recess? Can you afford to supplement her school experience with private instruction in social skills?

This is simply one of the hardest things for some kids to learn, because other kids are so unpredictable. It's an ongoing area of challenge for many kids and often requires a fair amount of supplemental assistance.

Rising first-grader DC has made a lot of progress with sensory issues and emotional regulation. She is in a public school and is able to get along with classmates in the context of structured class time. She and siblings play together well at home where we have worked out rules and expected behavior. However, she struggles with free play time at school (recess) and out and about in the neighborhood. It is a combination of not knowing how to find a place for herself in a group of children and not necessarily being all that interested in what the group is doing. Any suggestions?