No, it's Their room, I don't care if they make their bed. They have to put their clothes away, and dirty clothes in the hamper. Twice a year I go in and purge old clothes with their help and organize it with them.

We pass clothes down to a friend so I help with the purge so I can decide to toss or pass down.

Anonymous wrote:If so, to what level of cleanliness? Bed made, clothes put away, laundry in one place, things picked up, etc.? And, exactly how does it get done (regular chore, nagging from time to time, innate self-starters)?

If not, why not?

This is what we require.

At the end of the day: beds are made, nothing on the floor, laundry in the central bins. Nothing perishable in the room. Wipe down their bathrooms. From the time they are little. We help them until they can do it on their own. It gets done as a regular chore - and they are innately tidy I think because DH and I are. We have housekeepers but want them to learn to be responsible and neat.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, my sister had one of those rooms as a teenager where you can't get the door open and have to wade through 18 inches of clothing on the floor. It drove my mom beyond nuts and they fought all the time about it.

BUT, said sister is now a mother and her house is SPOTLESS. As a teen, she cared what her clothes/hair/face looked like, but didn't give a crap what her room looked like. As an adult, she cares very much what her house looks like, and it looks incredible. So the folks that say "if they don't learn it now, they never will" aren't always right.

I guess I'm your sister. I was always overwhelmed by how messy my room was and couldn't clean it up myself, and my parents never helped. So my room was always messy. Once I moved away for college, I contained my mess to one small spot in my dorm room, which I cleaned up a couple of times a week. When I moved into my own apartment, I figured out methods for cleaning and organizing and never strayed. Looking back, my mother always made me and my brother clean our house, while she sat on the couch with her feet up sipping Coke and saying "Oh, you missed a spot." I think that really pissed me off and left me no energy for my own bedroom.

I had one of those impossibly messy rooms as a child and teen. My mother refused to clean it, but we used to butt heads over it because every so often she'd freak out and demand it pick up. And I just didn't care. I could find what I needed. I kept the door closed. The clothes made it into the laundry.

My dorm room was usually a disaster. My first apartment? Ha! But now? I keep my house much tidier as an adult. Not spotless, but things are picked up and put away 95% of the time. So, like 12:05, I agree, does not matter. And like 13:06, yes, messy teens can (and do!) transform into neat adults.

Anonymous wrote:No. Having parented four kids (oldest is college sophomore, youngest is rising high school freshman), this is the kind of thing that really.does.not.matter.

28 year old here. I think it does matter. I have a lot of friends who are having trouble cleaning and organizing households because their parents never taught them. I dumped a few boyfriends due to their slovenly ways. I'm forever grateful to my MIL for teaching DH to clean.

Anonymous wrote:No. Having parented four kids (oldest is college sophomore, youngest is rising high school freshman), this is the kind of thing that really.does.not.matter.

I think it does. It teaches them to respect their things and our house, that we don't live in a pig sty, and at some point, to pickup after themselves.

I have a 10 and 7 yr old. We have a housecleaner that comes 2x/month. The night before they come, I have my kids tidy up their rooms so the cleaners can do a more thorough job. If there are lots of things left on the floor at night, they need to clean it up so that we can walk in without stepping on something.

They've been making their beds since they were 5. No, it's not very nicely done, but it gets them in the habit. Dirty laundry always in their respective laundry basket. These things the kids will do without me asking. It's now just habit. The cleaning up the room I still have to tell them when to do it.

FWIW, my sister had one of those rooms as a teenager where you can't get the door open and have to wade through 18 inches of clothing on the floor. It drove my mom beyond nuts and they fought all the time about it.

BUT, said sister is now a mother and her house is SPOTLESS. As a teen, she cared what her clothes/hair/face looked like, but didn't give a crap what her room looked like. As an adult, she cares very much what her house looks like, and it looks incredible. So the folks that say "if they don't learn it now, they never will" aren't always right.

No. Having parented four kids (oldest is college sophomore, youngest is rising high school freshman), this is the kind of thing that really.does.not.matter.

Once a week I ask that the kids tidy up their rooms and vacuum. I do the dusting.

5 year old DD does a better job than 10 year old DS...

In theory or in practice?

In theory yes, in practice? 50/50.

I call inspection a few mornings a week -- any clothes I find on the floor get donated to Goodwill. They have 15 minutes to "pick up."

As for books and toys -- we're working on that one. One kid is naturally neat and the other a slob.

Baby steps.

Anonymous wrote:Two tweens.

DD2 (younger) who has a near spotless room. She's always been that way. She loves making her room look good.

DD1 has always been a total slob and I've never been able to control it.

A few years ago, I attended a lecture given by a pede who specialized in tweens. She said that they need a visual of what "clean room" looks like. So you go in their room, clean it all up, and take a photo, and put it on their wall. Then when they argue their room is clean, you just calmly point to the picture, and you both laugh and then send them off to make the room match the picture.

I have forgotten that advice until your post (because I attended that lecture before my kids were tweens), so I'll try it and hope this helps, OP!

That sounds kind of control freak-ish. The vast, vast majority of Tweens know what "clean" room looks like, it's just not a priority in their lives to have a clean room. I don't feel the need to impose MY standards of cleanliness on them. It's their room. As long as there is no food left out, nothing that smells, or other safety hazards, I usually just shut the door.

This is really the kind of thing where it's important to pick your battles.

Two tweens.

DD2 (younger) who has a near spotless room. She's always been that way. She loves making her room look good.

DD1 has always been a total slob and I've never been able to control it.

A few years ago, I attended a lecture given by a pede who specialized in tweens. She said that they need a visual of what "clean room" looks like. So you go in their room, clean it all up, and take a photo, and put it on their wall. Then when they argue their room is clean, you just calmly point to the picture, and you both laugh and then send them off to make the room match the picture.

I have forgotten that advice until your post (because I attended that lecture before my kids were tweens), so I'll try it and hope this helps, OP!

DD does it on her own.

DS doesn't -- he doesn't really care. I don't nag him about it but occasionally I will go in and de-funkify.

Yes. 12.5 dd. clothes put away, bed made, random stuff organized, etc. either ate does it herself or I mention it should get done and then she does it within a day or so.

If so, to what level of cleanliness? Bed made, clothes put away, laundry in one place, things picked up, etc.? And, exactly how does it get done (regular chore, nagging from time to time, innate self-starters)?

If not, why not?