Anonymous
06/23/2015 13:08
Subject: Re:I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
Anonymous wrote:The kids are 23, 20, 11.5 and 8.5.
Alcohol - boyfriend owns bars, so there's always alcohol around. the kids have all tasted. There is actually a fully stocked bar in our den. In our circle of friends/family once you go away to college, when you come home you can have your own glass at the table. You are NEVER too old that you can't call us for a sober driver to get you home. Both kids were taught how to hold a drink so nobody can slip a roofie in, to watch their friends drinks, to never leave their drink unattended, to always just get a new drink if they're unsure, etc.
Money - I also grew up super poor while my kids did not. What they need is always provided. You need new sneakers? Sure. You want a second pair of sneakers that just look cool? Save your allowance, and I'll go halfsies with you. You need a present for a birthday party? Sure. You've decided you want to give each of your friends a little goody bag for Halloween? I'll give you $10, you spend the rest. You have 47 t-shirts but found one at Forever 21 that you really like? Use your allowance. You don't have enough allowance? Find something I need done and offer to let me hire you to do it. I've paid my kids to shred a ton of paperwork. Clean the bathroom. Make and clean up from dinner three nights in a row (she regretted that one). Wash and wax the car. Give me a manicure. Shovel the driveway.
Allowance - I've always given a little less than half the going rate. The 8 yr old gets $3 a week. The 11 yr old gets $4.50. Because again, if they want more money, they can work for it. If they work for it, they will appreciate it more.
Computer usage/social media - I do not see age limits as laws, but as guidelines for people who can't create their own. My 11 yr old has an Instagram and Pinterest account, as well as an iPod touch she can text her friends with. I know her password and have seen her texts. We follow each other on Instagram. I know what she's "pinning" on Pinterest. There are times I've said things to her like "Hey, you know you're following an account where the first pic is "Spread your legs and come on in" right?" And then we talk about how gross and demeaning to women it is. Nobody uses electronics during meals. There are no phones/ipods on the table. iPod touch is closed at 9pm each night. When friends are over, they are not allowed to play on their phones.
Friends - good friends can still make bad decisions. I am, as of two nights ago, about to break up my 11 yr old with one of her friends. She's the only friend DD can walk to, and she's a grade older, but every SINGLE time DD is hanging out with her, her attitude ramps up, and she never winds up being where she's supposed to be. From now on they can only hang out while supervised. Be a nice person, and nice people will be attracted to you. Have friends of the opposite sex. Be loyal to your friends, but be more loyal to yourself and your parents. Don't be a gossip. Snitch to save a life. If you're not sure, tell me.
Food - learn to read labels, learn to read ingredients, learn to cook. let's crack open an egg from a chicken raised in someone's backyard and compare it to an egg from the supermarket. let's make a fist and compare it to how much food is on our plates. Is your mouth/mind hungry or is your stomach hungry? It's very rare that I celebrate with food. When the 11 yr old got a black eye at school i got her an ice cream cone though. Have a little of the sweet things. If you're going to eat something bad for your teeth, enjoy the hell out of it and then brush your teeth.
This is great! I want to see a spin off on how you managed high school stress and college applications.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 22:09
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
We are a lot like you in terms of parenting style. Kids are 23, 19 and 16 currently.
Overall things seem to have turned out very well so far. Kids are respectful, productive and we have good relationships with all of them. Not perfect, mind you. Sometimes the oldest will shut us out and sometimes the youngest gets emotional and pitches a small fit about things. All in all, though, they are good kids. They listen to most of what we say. Sometimes they seek out our advice.
Not that there haven't been any issues. Oldest went through a period of being overweight due to poor eating choices and a genetic tendency to be heavy. Around age 16 he decided on his own to change his eating and exericse habits and has kept the weight off successfully with no prodding from us. Middle child got into a few incidents with alcohol towards the end of high school. We weren't permissive about drinking, however we knew he was drinking with friends and tried to impress on him the need for good judgment and moderation. He seems to be coming out of this phase but time will tell. To be honest, I do worry about his drinking and have communicated my concerns to him. Youngest has LDs and likely won't be going to a highly selective college, but that's okay. We encourage her and get her the support she needs. She has a very good relationship with both DH and I, as well as with her older sibs. She is very level headed and not easily influenced by peer pressure.
Sometimes our kids seem confused by our parenting style, TBH. They will say that we are strict and "square" one moment, yet acknowledge we are more relaxed and easier to talk to than many of their friends' parents. I guess this means we strike a reasonable balance between being their friends and being too authoritarian.
Overall things seem to have turned out very well so far. Kids are respectful, productive and we have good relationships with all of them. Not perfect, mind you. Sometimes the oldest will shut us out and sometimes the youngest gets emotional and pitches a small fit about things. All in all, though, they are good kids. They listen to most of what we say. Sometimes they seek out our advice.
Not that there haven't been any issues. Oldest went through a period of being overweight due to poor eating choices and a genetic tendency to be heavy. Around age 16 he decided on his own to change his eating and exericse habits and has kept the weight off successfully with no prodding from us. Middle child got into a few incidents with alcohol towards the end of high school. We weren't permissive about drinking, however we knew he was drinking with friends and tried to impress on him the need for good judgment and moderation. He seems to be coming out of this phase but time will tell. To be honest, I do worry about his drinking and have communicated my concerns to him. Youngest has LDs and likely won't be going to a highly selective college, but that's okay. We encourage her and get her the support she needs. She has a very good relationship with both DH and I, as well as with her older sibs. She is very level headed and not easily influenced by peer pressure.
Sometimes our kids seem confused by our parenting style, TBH. They will say that we are strict and "square" one moment, yet acknowledge we are more relaxed and easier to talk to than many of their friends' parents. I guess this means we strike a reasonable balance between being their friends and being too authoritarian.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 21:57
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
Op here. These are really great comments- thanks for all the advice and insights! Humor is a big take-away and a great reminder.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 21:33
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
Anonymous wrote:We parented along the same lines and our children are now pretty well grown - 30, 27 and 22.
What we found is that along with what you stated, you have to have a sense of humor. They are going to lie to you as teens, they are going to slack from time to time, they are going to experiment and they are going to get in trouble. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, so don't treat it that way. Love them, don't be their friend, but be unshockable so that they can bring you their problems and get a fair hearing.
So, how did they turn out? They went to state schools. They pursued their passions. Oldest has MSW and works for the local government pursuing a passion for helping teenagers at risk. Second child will complete PhD in an obscure but profitable area of physics, completely paid for by his state school, where he teaches and conducts research on his passion. Youngest will graduate with BS in ABA, already working his passion with children with autism. Has decided to go to graduate school.
These were kids that were not limited on their screen time, that did not go to church as we do not believe in those things, and were not micromanaged or overscheduled into sports. They pursued what they were interested in and we supported them in those weird enthusiasms, no matter what they were.
+100
We've parented very similar to this approach and so far it has worked well. Kids are 18 and 15 and certainly aren't perfect, but are pretty damn good IMHO
OP - your ways seem fine to me. Don't get caught with worrying about what other people do or think. Often times, people are showing you what they really want you to see because they are too caught up with keeping up appearances. Trust your gut about teaching, guiding and protecting your kids and it should work well. As the PP states, your kids will make mistakes and you need to understand and work around them. Never make them feel bad about those mistakes and, most importantly, don't be judgmental or shocked to the core when it happens. It will only make them afraid to come to you when they really need it. Also, when my oldest was in high school (she just finished 1st year of college) the kids who used to behave the worst were the ones whose parents were actually the most strict. Those parents would swear that their kids weren't doing anything wrong because they had "rules" and would proudly brag about them, but I often heard different stories from my DD and her friends. Interesting, my DD would tell me that she appreciated our open and honest relationship after seeing her friends act out. She never felt the need to push too many boundaries because we talked about so much - nothing is off limits in our discussions. It doesn't mean I liked everything and that she never got in a little trouble, but she was never afraid to talk to me (or her father). We are doing the same thing with our DS.
Also, one big factor that had helped me with parenting is maintaining and encouraging a real sense of humor in our relationships with the kids. Adding a little levity can help keep those walls from building up between you and your kids. Works wonders for us and my kids are really witty and funny kids to be around (but before I'm flamed - they know how to be appropriate in their humor!)
Good luck! I think your kids will turn out great!
Anonymous
06/22/2015 19:16
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
Anonymous wrote:We parented along the same lines and our children are now pretty well grown - 30, 27 and 22.
What we found is that along with what you stated, you have to have a sense of humor. They are going to lie to you as teens, they are going to slack from time to time, they are going to experiment and they are going to get in trouble. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, so don't treat it that way. Love them, don't be their friend, but be unshockable so that they can bring you their problems and get a fair hearing.
So, how did they turn out? They went to state schools. They pursued their passions. Oldest has MSW and works for the local government pursuing a passion for helping teenagers at risk. Second child will complete PhD in an obscure but profitable area of physics, completely paid for by his state school, where he teaches and conducts research on his passion. Youngest will graduate with BS in ABA, already working his passion with children with autism. Has decided to go to graduate school.
These were kids that were not limited on their screen time, that did not go to church as we do not believe in those things, and were not micromanaged or overscheduled into sports. They pursued what they were interested in and we supported them in those weird enthusiasms, no matter what they were.
PP, you rock. Such wisdom and common sense.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 15:13
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
Anonymous wrote:My outlook is similar to yours, too.
No real curfew. We do limit weeknight outings. School has to come first. Just have to know when/where/who and a text asking if his plans can change. Now this doesn't mean out at 3am for a 14 year old. It just means we aren't strict about being home by midnight.
No alcohol til 21. We have alcoholism in the family. Most new studies show even tasting it as a kid can set kids up for problems.
Money: I'll pay for the first (used) car and insurance. Until he gets a ticket/accident. Then it gets readjusted based on rates. Or lost if it becomes too expensive. He pays for gas in the summer if working. I do expect him to work summers. Or volunteer. Something productive.
I also will buy all needs. Some wants. Bigger wants (like MacBook Air vs windows laptop) require his chipping in on cost.
We'll pay for a four year degree. Not too concerned with where.
Sorry, son is 15.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 15:12
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
My outlook is similar to yours, too.
No real curfew. We do limit weeknight outings. School has to come first. Just have to know when/where/who and a text asking if his plans can change. Now this doesn't mean out at 3am for a 14 year old. It just means we aren't strict about being home by midnight.
No alcohol til 21. We have alcoholism in the family. Most new studies show even tasting it as a kid can set kids up for problems.
Money: I'll pay for the first (used) car and insurance. Until he gets a ticket/accident. Then it gets readjusted based on rates. Or lost if it becomes too expensive. He pays for gas in the summer if working. I do expect him to work summers. Or volunteer. Something productive.
I also will buy all needs. Some wants. Bigger wants (like MacBook Air vs windows laptop) require his chipping in on cost.
We'll pay for a four year degree. Not too concerned with where.
No real curfew. We do limit weeknight outings. School has to come first. Just have to know when/where/who and a text asking if his plans can change. Now this doesn't mean out at 3am for a 14 year old. It just means we aren't strict about being home by midnight.
No alcohol til 21. We have alcoholism in the family. Most new studies show even tasting it as a kid can set kids up for problems.
Money: I'll pay for the first (used) car and insurance. Until he gets a ticket/accident. Then it gets readjusted based on rates. Or lost if it becomes too expensive. He pays for gas in the summer if working. I do expect him to work summers. Or volunteer. Something productive.
I also will buy all needs. Some wants. Bigger wants (like MacBook Air vs windows laptop) require his chipping in on cost.
We'll pay for a four year degree. Not too concerned with where.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 15:04
Subject: Re:I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
The kids are 23, 20, 11.5 and 8.5.
Alcohol - boyfriend owns bars, so there's always alcohol around. the kids have all tasted. There is actually a fully stocked bar in our den. In our circle of friends/family once you go away to college, when you come home you can have your own glass at the table. You are NEVER too old that you can't call us for a sober driver to get you home. Both kids were taught how to hold a drink so nobody can slip a roofie in, to watch their friends drinks, to never leave their drink unattended, to always just get a new drink if they're unsure, etc.
Money - I also grew up super poor while my kids did not. What they need is always provided. You need new sneakers? Sure. You want a second pair of sneakers that just look cool? Save your allowance, and I'll go halfsies with you. You need a present for a birthday party? Sure. You've decided you want to give each of your friends a little goody bag for Halloween? I'll give you $10, you spend the rest. You have 47 t-shirts but found one at Forever 21 that you really like? Use your allowance. You don't have enough allowance? Find something I need done and offer to let me hire you to do it. I've paid my kids to shred a ton of paperwork. Clean the bathroom. Make and clean up from dinner three nights in a row (she regretted that one). Wash and wax the car. Give me a manicure. Shovel the driveway.
Allowance - I've always given a little less than half the going rate. The 8 yr old gets $3 a week. The 11 yr old gets $4.50. Because again, if they want more money, they can work for it. If they work for it, they will appreciate it more.
Computer usage/social media - I do not see age limits as laws, but as guidelines for people who can't create their own. My 11 yr old has an Instagram and Pinterest account, as well as an iPod touch she can text her friends with. I know her password and have seen her texts. We follow each other on Instagram. I know what she's "pinning" on Pinterest. There are times I've said things to her like "Hey, you know you're following an account where the first pic is "Spread your legs and come on in" right?" And then we talk about how gross and demeaning to women it is. Nobody uses electronics during meals. There are no phones/ipods on the table. iPod touch is closed at 9pm each night. When friends are over, they are not allowed to play on their phones.
Friends - good friends can still make bad decisions. I am, as of two nights ago, about to break up my 11 yr old with one of her friends. She's the only friend DD can walk to, and she's a grade older, but every SINGLE time DD is hanging out with her, her attitude ramps up, and she never winds up being where she's supposed to be. From now on they can only hang out while supervised. Be a nice person, and nice people will be attracted to you. Have friends of the opposite sex. Be loyal to your friends, but be more loyal to yourself and your parents. Don't be a gossip. Snitch to save a life. If you're not sure, tell me.
Food - learn to read labels, learn to read ingredients, learn to cook. let's crack open an egg from a chicken raised in someone's backyard and compare it to an egg from the supermarket. let's make a fist and compare it to how much food is on our plates. Is your mouth/mind hungry or is your stomach hungry? It's very rare that I celebrate with food. When the 11 yr old got a black eye at school i got her an ice cream cone though. Have a little of the sweet things. If you're going to eat something bad for your teeth, enjoy the hell out of it and then brush your teeth.
Alcohol - boyfriend owns bars, so there's always alcohol around. the kids have all tasted. There is actually a fully stocked bar in our den. In our circle of friends/family once you go away to college, when you come home you can have your own glass at the table. You are NEVER too old that you can't call us for a sober driver to get you home. Both kids were taught how to hold a drink so nobody can slip a roofie in, to watch their friends drinks, to never leave their drink unattended, to always just get a new drink if they're unsure, etc.
Money - I also grew up super poor while my kids did not. What they need is always provided. You need new sneakers? Sure. You want a second pair of sneakers that just look cool? Save your allowance, and I'll go halfsies with you. You need a present for a birthday party? Sure. You've decided you want to give each of your friends a little goody bag for Halloween? I'll give you $10, you spend the rest. You have 47 t-shirts but found one at Forever 21 that you really like? Use your allowance. You don't have enough allowance? Find something I need done and offer to let me hire you to do it. I've paid my kids to shred a ton of paperwork. Clean the bathroom. Make and clean up from dinner three nights in a row (she regretted that one). Wash and wax the car. Give me a manicure. Shovel the driveway.
Allowance - I've always given a little less than half the going rate. The 8 yr old gets $3 a week. The 11 yr old gets $4.50. Because again, if they want more money, they can work for it. If they work for it, they will appreciate it more.
Computer usage/social media - I do not see age limits as laws, but as guidelines for people who can't create their own. My 11 yr old has an Instagram and Pinterest account, as well as an iPod touch she can text her friends with. I know her password and have seen her texts. We follow each other on Instagram. I know what she's "pinning" on Pinterest. There are times I've said things to her like "Hey, you know you're following an account where the first pic is "Spread your legs and come on in" right?" And then we talk about how gross and demeaning to women it is. Nobody uses electronics during meals. There are no phones/ipods on the table. iPod touch is closed at 9pm each night. When friends are over, they are not allowed to play on their phones.
Friends - good friends can still make bad decisions. I am, as of two nights ago, about to break up my 11 yr old with one of her friends. She's the only friend DD can walk to, and she's a grade older, but every SINGLE time DD is hanging out with her, her attitude ramps up, and she never winds up being where she's supposed to be. From now on they can only hang out while supervised. Be a nice person, and nice people will be attracted to you. Have friends of the opposite sex. Be loyal to your friends, but be more loyal to yourself and your parents. Don't be a gossip. Snitch to save a life. If you're not sure, tell me.
Food - learn to read labels, learn to read ingredients, learn to cook. let's crack open an egg from a chicken raised in someone's backyard and compare it to an egg from the supermarket. let's make a fist and compare it to how much food is on our plates. Is your mouth/mind hungry or is your stomach hungry? It's very rare that I celebrate with food. When the 11 yr old got a black eye at school i got her an ice cream cone though. Have a little of the sweet things. If you're going to eat something bad for your teeth, enjoy the hell out of it and then brush your teeth.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 14:35
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
We parented along the same lines and our children are now pretty well grown - 30, 27 and 22.
What we found is that along with what you stated, you have to have a sense of humor. They are going to lie to you as teens, they are going to slack from time to time, they are going to experiment and they are going to get in trouble. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, so don't treat it that way. Love them, don't be their friend, but be unshockable so that they can bring you their problems and get a fair hearing.
So, how did they turn out? They went to state schools. They pursued their passions. Oldest has MSW and works for the local government pursuing a passion for helping teenagers at risk. Second child will complete PhD in an obscure but profitable area of physics, completely paid for by his state school, where he teaches and conducts research on his passion. Youngest will graduate with BS in ABA, already working his passion with children with autism. Has decided to go to graduate school.
These were kids that were not limited on their screen time, that did not go to church as we do not believe in those things, and were not micromanaged or overscheduled into sports. They pursued what they were interested in and we supported them in those weird enthusiasms, no matter what they were.
What we found is that along with what you stated, you have to have a sense of humor. They are going to lie to you as teens, they are going to slack from time to time, they are going to experiment and they are going to get in trouble. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, so don't treat it that way. Love them, don't be their friend, but be unshockable so that they can bring you their problems and get a fair hearing.
So, how did they turn out? They went to state schools. They pursued their passions. Oldest has MSW and works for the local government pursuing a passion for helping teenagers at risk. Second child will complete PhD in an obscure but profitable area of physics, completely paid for by his state school, where he teaches and conducts research on his passion. Youngest will graduate with BS in ABA, already working his passion with children with autism. Has decided to go to graduate school.
These were kids that were not limited on their screen time, that did not go to church as we do not believe in those things, and were not micromanaged or overscheduled into sports. They pursued what they were interested in and we supported them in those weird enthusiasms, no matter what they were.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 14:30
Subject: Re:I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
We're pretty close to you. Kids are 17 and 15. Both are top 5 in their class. Active in many sports. Son has a long-term girlfriend and very likely sexually active. Doing campus visits for colleges next year. Son has a part-time job and is a saver. Daughter is the opposite- money burns a hole in her pocket. Both are pretty good kids, very respectful of teachers although our daughter can be a nightmare with us sometimes but its typically calendar-related.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 14:26
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
We parent along the same lines and have young teens now. Sadly parenting only goes so far. They are out of our sight at school for long periods and peers play a huge role which can lead to all sorts of trouble. Just keep the lines of communication open as much as possible.
Good luck - maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones.
Good luck - maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 12:17
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
OP, you sound a lot like me, right on down to the kids' ages and respective colleges! I often find myself second guessing my decisions based on reading DCUM so I am also interested in hearing the responses you get.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 12:15
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
Alcohol and curfew: Interested in what middle of the road parents do on these fronts too. Not there yet, but seem like tough ones!
Anonymous
06/22/2015 12:14
Subject: Re:I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
To clarify, I mean on the college front, it doesn't have to be a super competitive or Ivy. My kids, quite honestly are unlikely to make it into the very top tier, and I want them to know there are very good options for them. It's a big country and this area is so skewed.
Anonymous
06/22/2015 12:12
Subject: I'd like to hear from middle of the road parents with grown kids or older teens
How did it work out?
For example, my son is 12 and my daughter is 9 but in general my parenting is along the lines of:
Screens are fine 1-2 hours a day, more if you just played 2 games today and read and did chores. It's ok to chill out.
Grades As and Bs are expected. We know what your strengths and weaknesses are, so the B in math may be totally fine but the B in English may need to be an area you should work harder. If you are struggling let us know and we will help you get the help you need.
Food: You eat good meals and vegetables and fruit, so we are not going to be on you all the time. Snacking is not that big a deal as long as the meal thing happens. Everything in moderation. Even candy.
Clothing: You need to learn what is appropriate to wear and where. Sometimes khakis and a shirt with a collar is expected. Other times a tshirt and baggy shorts are fine. For my daughter, a bikini does not make me think you are a slut or will be one. Own and love your body- I really don't think sexuality is any further encouraged or discouraged by a discreet bikini wearing girl. BUT be aware what you put out there. If you are always dressing with cleavage showing, short shorts, etc. expect a certain kind of image and response.
College: You will go to a good school, hopefully the right one for you. Your parents did very well in life with a state school for one and a SLAC for the other. Work hard and get along well with others. This goes a long way.
Money: Still working on this one! We have so much more than our parents did growing up that this has been a bit of a struggle to figure out. Advice welcome. (Allowance, chores, buying the cool shoes, etc.)
Sex: We are open about the topic and have been from the beginning. Body parts have their correct name. Kids feel free to ask questions and have had basic knowledge for quite some time. Respect for your self and others is critical. We don't think sex is "bad" it's just an adult thing, and when engaged in too young can be hard to handle physically and emotionally.
I am sure there are other topics, but these are the ones that come to mind. I find my friends largely being MUCH stricter and I am struggling with it a bit, but I know I should just do my thing and let it be.
For example, my son is 12 and my daughter is 9 but in general my parenting is along the lines of:
Screens are fine 1-2 hours a day, more if you just played 2 games today and read and did chores. It's ok to chill out.
Grades As and Bs are expected. We know what your strengths and weaknesses are, so the B in math may be totally fine but the B in English may need to be an area you should work harder. If you are struggling let us know and we will help you get the help you need.
Food: You eat good meals and vegetables and fruit, so we are not going to be on you all the time. Snacking is not that big a deal as long as the meal thing happens. Everything in moderation. Even candy.
Clothing: You need to learn what is appropriate to wear and where. Sometimes khakis and a shirt with a collar is expected. Other times a tshirt and baggy shorts are fine. For my daughter, a bikini does not make me think you are a slut or will be one. Own and love your body- I really don't think sexuality is any further encouraged or discouraged by a discreet bikini wearing girl. BUT be aware what you put out there. If you are always dressing with cleavage showing, short shorts, etc. expect a certain kind of image and response.
College: You will go to a good school, hopefully the right one for you. Your parents did very well in life with a state school for one and a SLAC for the other. Work hard and get along well with others. This goes a long way.
Money: Still working on this one! We have so much more than our parents did growing up that this has been a bit of a struggle to figure out. Advice welcome. (Allowance, chores, buying the cool shoes, etc.)
Sex: We are open about the topic and have been from the beginning. Body parts have their correct name. Kids feel free to ask questions and have had basic knowledge for quite some time. Respect for your self and others is critical. We don't think sex is "bad" it's just an adult thing, and when engaged in too young can be hard to handle physically and emotionally.
I am sure there are other topics, but these are the ones that come to mind. I find my friends largely being MUCH stricter and I am struggling with it a bit, but I know I should just do my thing and let it be.