I work. But I did quit my job at a high power consulting company because I simply couldn't deal with crazy hours and I wanted to spend a bit more time with my ASD DS. Despite my achievements in that company, the management didn't look too kindly when I asked to stop traveling. So I left them and joined a smaller company. I no longer travel, I did take a slight paycut but I am much happier, my QoL has gone up and most of all, I can see a significant change in my DS now that I am home every evening.

I stay home. DS 5 has HFA. It was just too much between all the therapies and trying to still excel at work. Maybe in a couple years when he is able to go to aftercare or before care I will be able to go back to work. For now, this works for us. We are super lucky that DS is at an amazing charter school and gets an aide there. Otherwise, we'd be paying tuition and for a 1 on 1 aide which would necessitate me working full time.

i work full-time. To be honest, it is very hard. We are both federal lawyers so our salaries are sort of decent (we get flexibility which is why we are both in the fed govt) but it is constant juggling and paying for nannies and babysitters to help us and now an au pair and we are exhausted most of the time. I am afraid if I leave my job, it will be very hard to get another one. I like working. I think I would go crazy being just a mom with a SN kid. It is hard She just finished kindergarten and I have a just finished 2nd grader too. If it was easy to go back to work, I probably would have taken off a few years. My child also goes to a regular private school and tuition is high. We couldn't afford it and the one on one aide (our au pair is our aide but we use up most of our au pair hours in the week by 5 pm everyday so we also supplement) we use without me working.

I went part time when things at school really started to go south, so I could pick her up right after and not do aftercare (which didn't have adequate resources to deal with her). I may end up having to go SAHM soon, because it's becomign too hard to juggle the therapist, psychiatrist, the doctors (for medical issues) and I'm about to lose my mind.

I think the variety of answers show the varieties of realities we have in each of our families. We each have to figure out what will work for our particular family. Jobs come in all sorts of flexibilities and inflexibilities and time requirements and children's special needs come in varying needs and time requirements. It also not not depend on one spouses flexible schedule but both spouses schedules. Money also plays a role of course.

One interesting thing was when I was considering quitting to sah, I asked almost everyone and mostly the males said to quit and the females said to stay. This was 15 years ago.

I left my demanding job to care for toddler DC1 when he needed a ton of therapies. It was definitely a professional sacrifice - now I can't go back.

10 years later, I could perhaps find work in a different field, but I derive a lot of satisfaction from caring for my children and volunteering. DC1's needs still take a lot of my time.

I don't think I am unusual, but I work full time with two special needs children. During the pre-elementary school years, I had every other Friday off so I could take them to therapy. We used half of the sessions to work with my kids and half to teach me. Then I carried out the programs. Also, they were in an excellent pre-school - teacher completely implemented the home and school programs. Once they all hit school aged, I went back to the regular 5 day a week schedule, except that I take about two days off per year to deal with school appointments - fortunately, I am able to schedule most before work. I have been able to do any tutoring and other services after work hours or by going in early and leaving early.

Honestly, I doubt my kids would be better off if I stayed home. They have progressed well over the years, in part because I realize that I have limited time to work with them (both daily but also in terms of the years until they become adults), so I have to always keep focused and goal oriented when it comes to helping them develop skills and becoming independent. I never felt the pull or anxiety that you're feeling, OP.

I have struggled with the sahm balance for years! My kids are elementary aged and so now I work part time and have a small at home business as well. I am torn about working full time because I enjoy it and being home with them. I recently applied for a job I really wanted and when I didn't get it, I realized that it was better than I can be at home with them in the afternoons while they are still impressionable. I know I won't regret being a positive role model in their life and just having a better handle on their life, school, friends etc. Bless your heart!

mommato2lilmonkeys

I stay home and have since DS was born. DH retired last year. DS is 7, rising 3rd grade, and has ASD/ADHD. He is fully mainstreamed at a language immersion school with IEP.

It was helpful that we are home when DS had a lot of behavior issues when he started 2nd grade but he is finishing out the year without any issues at all. He does well academically, is well behaved, and has lots of friends. He is a popular kid.

It makes DS feel secure and self confident knowing that his parents always have his back but that has nothing to do with whether the parents work or not.

You need to take care of yourself first before you can help your son so decide which choice will work better for you.

Anonymous wrote:My DH gave up his career due to our son's disabilities. It was in stages - first PT then quickly became a SAHD.

This was the only way we could make everything work during the years when our oldest needed intensive therapies outside of school (4 days a week) and also take care of his younger brother. And it's been a luxury to be able to have them have a parent home all these years.

But the cost to his career and self-esteem was huge. The irony is our child is now fine. Entering high school with minor supports - the early intervention poster child, if you will.

My husband OTOH has not yet found his way back to full time work and I doubt he will. Just too many gaps in his employment history. We'd do it again but cost was high.

This is us, except DH works and I am at home and we have two children that needed the early interventions. We to wold do it all again, but the thought of re-entering the workplace after 14 years is daunting. Plus, it always seems that when I start the beginnings of going back to work, another anvil drops from the sky and I have to put the search on hold again.

My DH gave up his career due to our son's disabilities. It was in stages - first PT then quickly became a SAHD.

This was the only way we could make everything work during the years when our oldest needed intensive therapies outside of school (4 days a week) and also take care of his younger brother. And it's been a luxury to be able to have them have a parent home all these years.

But the cost to his career and self-esteem was huge. The irony is our child is now fine. Entering high school with minor supports - the early intervention poster child, if you will.

My husband OTOH has not yet found his way back to full time work and I doubt he will. Just too many gaps in his employment history. We'd do it again but cost was high.

How is he struggling, OP?

I work. But my special needs kid is 2.

1. Your anxiety is coming back. Totally normal and expected but try to get a hold on it through therapy or meds because I've been down the black hole of a kid with SN and anxiety myself

2. Are you able to rework your schedule? Go in early and be out around 3? Work part time? Work from home at all?

My son is 6. Has sensory issues and fairly serious anxiety and trouble regulating emotions. He is in a "typical" private school (rising 1st grader), gets good support from OT, and a therapist. But, he struggles. I am so worried about my son. I am scared to stay home because if I do I may lose my sense of self/joy I extract from work, but wonder if I really need to be home for my son and also daughter. If I stayed home, I could pick them up from school, more actively participate in their afternoons, be home earlier for dinner and just be there more, it would be better. But then I worry, if I stay home, I will be almost too focused on my son's issues, which I genuinely believe he will work through and grow through. I suffered similarly when I was his age and turned out stronger for it. These things take time and patience, not acute management. I am so torn. It's not even that there is a real choice, but I feel so guilty and out of control and am trying to seek answers. I would be grateful for others to share their stories and decisions, regrets, joys, and learnings. Thank you to all in this wonderful community. It's my first time posting, but I do read this board and take comfort that we are all out there together.