You're lucky they want to see your kids because before I had them, I didn''t want my siblings/relatives kids around me for more than an hour. Your relatives and friends are not obligated to help you care for your children and once you understand, "my kids, my responsibility," you will ssyop your whining.

I agree that people not getting the sleep schedule is annoying. I also sometimes wish that the doting family would also step in and help when it's time to do the dirty work, though I don't expect them to. In that, have you asked "hey, can you help 3 year old get hands washed?" Or do you just hope they offer? If you need help, just ask!

I do think you can leave your kids asleep in the room once they are asleep--just bring a baby monitor! If you're worried about 3 year old falling out of bed, stuff rolled up towels under the fitted sheet on each end. Works great.

The bottom line is that you're in a difficult stage right now. It WILL get easier and you will be able to loosen up. You may even look back and think that you could have adjusted your rules a bit, but couldn't see that. But your family doesn't get it, so just be patient with them and stick to what is important to you, bend a little on what isn't, and know that this won't be forever.

Anonymous wrote:Your family members sound kind of stupid, honestly. I'm childfree, and I completely get how much harder everything is with a kid. I go to see my friends with kids 95% of the time (and I usually bring takeout). i let them choose the best times to get together, and I'm fine with it being pretty rare.

I mean, really - there are multiple people in your family who don't understand you can't leave sleeping children home alone? Maybe you just have a particularly irresponsible family?? Because this seems beyond being childless and more like being clueless to the entire world around them.

That said, your complaints about them not sticking around to help with the hard stuff... well, yeah, that's the benefit of not having kids. I don't think they should be expected to. Part of your post is about stupid expectations from your family without kids (totally understandable), but part of your post reads -to me- like a whine about why people aren't giving you special accommodation now that you're a MOMMYYYYY (Why shouldn't you be expected to equally participate in family events/gifts?).

+1

Sorry, OP, but I can't see how you're not making a mountain out of a molehill here. These people live out of state? How could this really be such a daily trial for you? Are you sure you're not expecting them to line up to fawn over you and your kids?

It isn't your stage in life. People will be accommodating if they are accommodating people. If they are not and can't see past their own stage in life, then there will always be a gap.

I am at the other end. We were the last to have children in DH's family and our older son just graduated from HS. So far nada from anyone on his side of the family. Not even a card (unless a "like" on facebook counts). I am not surprised, they didn't do much when our children were born either. We traveled to them at the holidays and brought gifts and were "fun" aunties/uncles (they were all over 3 three when I met them) We sent graduation acknowledgments for everyone of their children (and a nice gift). Same goes for Christmas presents all through their youth, when their kids graduated from HS (and ours were 4 and 5), they stopped participating in anything. We have always had to visit them, only one of three have visited us. So, the only cousins and aunts my children know are on my side of the family.

Be straightforward with them and also consider your own expectations. Are you trying to do too much! Is it necessary to keep the tight schedule every day while visiting friends and fam? Are you doing your best to accommodate them to the extent possible?

Yep OP, it's frustrating. My sister (who I love and am super close with, but doesn't have kids) called me at 8a the other day to chat. I was making Bfast for my 3 yo, had an out of town guest that I was entertaining, and had "Sophia the First" on in the background. After a moment or two of chatting she said, huffily, "you sound really busy. Should I call you later?". She doesn't get that I can't just take the pancakes off the stove, go in my room and close the door and talk to her.

To be fair to her, I was the queen of "not getting it" before I had DD. People just don't know until they get there themselves. It's lonely having to hold your boundaries without a lot of support but sometimes you gotta do it.

Anonymous wrote:Your family members sound kind of stupid, honestly. I'm childfree, and I completely get how much harder everything is with a kid. I go to see my friends with kids 95% of the time (and I usually bring takeout). i let them choose the best times to get together, and I'm fine with it being pretty rare.

I mean, really - there are multiple people in your family who don't understand you can't leave sleeping children home alone? Maybe you just have a particularly irresponsible family?? Because this seems beyond being childless and more like being clueless to the entire world around them.

That said, your complaints about them not sticking around to help with the hard stuff... well, yeah, that's the benefit of not having kids. I don't think they should be expected to. Part of your post is about stupid expectations from your family without kids (totally understandable), but part of your post reads -to me- like a whine about why people aren't giving you special accommodation now that you're a MOMMYYYYY (Why shouldn't you be expected to equally participate in family events/gifts?).

Agree. They are idiots.

Your family members sound kind of stupid, honestly. I'm childfree, and I completely get how much harder everything is with a kid. I go to see my friends with kids 95% of the time (and I usually bring takeout). i let them choose the best times to get together, and I'm fine with it being pretty rare.

I mean, really - there are multiple people in your family who don't understand you can't leave sleeping children home alone? Maybe you just have a particularly irresponsible family?? Because this seems beyond being childless and more like being clueless to the entire world around them.

That said, your complaints about them not sticking around to help with the hard stuff... well, yeah, that's the benefit of not having kids. I don't think they should be expected to. Part of your post is about stupid expectations from your family without kids (totally understandable), but part of your post reads -to me- like a whine about why people aren't giving you special accommodation now that you're a MOMMYYYYY (Why shouldn't you be expected to equally participate in family events/gifts?).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you.

People getting annoyed by naps and bedtimes is very tiring.

Thanks. They are stupefied by the fact our infant goes to bed at 7 and our older goes to bed at 8. My siblings and cousins, we all grew up with no real schedule or naps. According to our parents, we stopped napping after age 1, and we went to bed the same time the adults did, around 9 or 10. Kind of the same deal with my inlaws to some extent.

It does sometimes make me wonder if kids will eventually adjust to getting less sleep??

There are cultures in which kids socialize with the adults until 11pm. But that's not for me. I like sex and I like breaking bad.

Anonymous wrote:I feel you.

People getting annoyed by naps and bedtimes is very tiring.

+1

Or acting like having to nurse a baby "so often" is a tactic to withhold the baby. Your post brought up so many bad memories of dealing with similar situation.
One thing I would suggest is to cut the visits back if they are unpleasant. I understand wanting to keep ties with family, but if you are the only parent doing it and are not supported by those you are visiting, then don't do it.

Anonymous wrote:I feel you.

People getting annoyed by naps and bedtimes is very tiring.

Thanks. They are stupefied by the fact our infant goes to bed at 7 and our older goes to bed at 8. My siblings and cousins, we all grew up with no real schedule or naps. According to our parents, we stopped napping after age 1, and we went to bed the same time the adults did, around 9 or 10. Kind of the same deal with my inlaws to some extent.

It does sometimes make me wonder if kids will eventually adjust to getting less sleep??

Anonymous wrote:Where is your husband in all of this? I sort of sympthize - I know how much kids need routine/sleep etc - but sounds like you're essentially raising them yourself?

Yes, that's what it feels like sometimes! Dh often works weekends, and rarely has any time off. If he does get time off, he usually just wants to spend it by himself or with me and the kids, not with other people. So I do what I can to maintain ties with family and friends, even if it means taking the kids myself to visit them.

I feel you.

People getting annoyed by naps and bedtimes is very tiring.

Where is your husband in all of this? I sort of sympthize - I know how much kids need routine/sleep etc - but sounds like you're essentially raising them yourself?

Ok, let me preface this by saying that I know this really is not a big deal and I know I'm being kind of a jerk. I have 2 young kids, am a sahm, and dh works long hours. All my siblings and cousins do not have kids (yet) and I love them and I know I'm lucky that my kids have them, because they are the fun aunties and uncles who buy them treats and do fun stuff with them.

However, I am really starting to get tired of the huge disconnect I have with them- they just really have no idea, no clue, about real day to day life with kids and I'm tired of always being the designated party pooper. I know they can't help it, I was equally clueless before kids.

I am the one who always has to be the bad guy with them, like no, you can't keep my kid up for 3 hours past her bedtime, no you can't feed her candy and sweets all day. No you can't keep bribing my kid to get her to listen. And when it comes to giving a hand with basic routine stuff like making sure they eat their meals, go potty, wash hands, clean up their toys after playing, changing diapers, etc, they go missing.

They always want me to visit or "stop by" with the kids, and they live out of state, and they have no idea how much harder it is to travel with the kids than it is for them without kids. They always want to hang out in the evenings late into the night, the time I usually spend trying to get 100 things done between prepping dinner, getting kids ready for bed, and doing bedtime routines.

They are always saying stuff about my kids, like how they are too into their routine/schedule. They don't understand why I can't just let the kids stay up late as they want and hang out and just let them fall asleep watching tv.

They want to do vacations and trips with me and the kids, but have no idea what that entails with 2 kids, and non-family-friendly excursions. They don't know why it's not ok to just leave the kids alone in the house after they go to bed, while I go out to hang out with them. They expect equal participation from me with planning family stuff, getting gifts, etc, and don't seem to understand or care that I just don't have time to do it all while taking care of a 3yo and an infant. They think that since I'm not working, I'm just hanging out at home all day with all this free time on my hands.

I'm tired of it! I wish they'd just hurry up and have kids so they finally get it!!