OP, they treat you like a child because you act like one. So what if they move close to you. It's a free country. Grow up already for christ sake. If they do something you don't like tell them to stop or leave. Get a thicker skin. If they keep coming over make them do work. "Mom, so nice of you to drop by. Here's a mop. Wash the kitchen floor for me. I'll be back in a half hour."

Well it's better that they're going to rent. Maybe they'll see that it isn't working out and decide to cut the lease.

Be glad they're not buying.

Anonymous wrote:I am your age and my parents are similar. Well-meaning but the my mother's assumption is always that I cannot possibly handle anything. It's only in recent years that I've realized how much I've internalized this message and felt so helpless and dependent.

Again, it's well-meaning, but it's problematic. They don't usually turn up unannounced, but they still have expectations that I will see them or they will see me daily now that they're retired and there are grandchildren around.

You just have to be firm and direct and avoid engaging in any conversation that suggests that they expected things to be otherwise.

Just want to add that they are an immense help overall and why I would never consider moving away. The annoying stuff is just annoying and you have to learn not to let it get to you or engage in it further.

OP. I suggest you read the thread about a mother in law moving around the corner from her DIL and son.

I'd ask them to clarify why they are getting the apartment - because of your schedule, it might not make sense - a hotel might be cheaper for 1-2 days/month. I'd be clear that you are happy to see them often, but would feel bad if they spent all that rent money only to come over 2 days of that week they are here.

Practice practice practice. In the shower. In the mirror. You've got to tell them you won't be able to see them every day 1 week of the month and you are worried they will be wasting their money. What they think/feel about that is none of your business. That's on them. You must detach your feelings for a moment.

Funny...my parents are moving away from here and I'm kinda freaking out too. Having local parents is SO helpful when you have little kids. Take advantage of the fact they can babysit and enjoy the alone time. Or send them to my house.....

I am your age and my parents are similar. Well-meaning but the my mother's assumption is always that I cannot possibly handle anything. It's only in recent years that I've realized how much I've internalized this message and felt so helpless and dependent.

Again, it's well-meaning, but it's problematic. They don't usually turn up unannounced, but they still have expectations that I will see them or they will see me daily now that they're retired and there are grandchildren around.

You just have to be firm and direct and avoid engaging in any conversation that suggests that they expected things to be otherwise.

You just need to step up and stand up to them.

My parents recently moved nearby with the same setup. It's their vacation home and they come for a month at a time. It's really awesome. I don't have to see them daily, but we still have lots of fun, they can babysit. I see them daily, but DH is busier and sees them mostly on weekends. They cook dinner for us every Monday and we love it.

Get in the habit now of always locking your door. And do what PP said. Explain before they buy or sign a lease how much time you'll be able to give them.

Have you had any discussions with them about it? I would try to ask them what their expectations are so you know what you are dealing with? Are they expecting to see you every night for dinner that week? Take off work to be with them? If your kids are in childcare do they expect to be the childcare that week?
I can't imagine that they would want to come for that week and hang out by themselves since they see that week as your week with you.

I would be freaking out too. Ultimately, they can move regardless but I think you need to have conversations about it up front with your expectations highlighted so when they come and you aren't available 24/7 you can remind them that you said that. Maybe when they realize you aren't dropping everything for a week for them they won't idealize this plan so much.

Can you start seeing your therapist again to discuss it?

Helicopter parents- the gift that keeps on giving.

How old are your kids? Can the grandparents have a regular gig watching the kids for you?

Ask them what their plans are as far as keeping busy and building a life when they're here. Figure out now what you're comfortable with as far as time together with them, and then stick to it. If you need to set boundaries, don't be deterred by them getting upset; just advocate for what you need.

In what particular ways are they overbearing? Maybe people here can give you strategies.

They're going to get upset no matter what you do. There's no way to break it to them gently that you appreciate how loving they are but that you prefer distance.

I think you should tell them *before* they sign a lease/buy a place here that you're going to be very busy and won't be able to drop everything for a week out of every month to spend time with them. Tell them that you want them to be aware of this before they sign a lease and wind up disappointed that they see the grandkids only one day out of the week they're here, and suggest that perhaps they'd prefer to spend their money in other ways (like saving up to take the kids on a nice vacation once a year). It would be really hard for them to show up that week every month and discover that they can't see you and the kids.

Rule #1 - do not give them a key.

My parents have no understanding of appropriate boundaries. They still treat me like a child even though I'm 35. Because they are so overbearing I moved away for college and never moved back. Before the babies were born I saw them about five times a year. Now it's about every 4-6 weeks. Now that there are grandchildren in the picture, they have decided to get an apartment nearby and stay in the area about a week per month. I am completely freaking out. They don't know anyone in this area. We have busy lives - and like our lives as they are- and don't want to change our lives because they have unilaterally decided to move here.

I have been in therapy for years dealing with my parents' overbearing approach (though I'm on a break now). I don't know what to do. They are loving but smothering and they get upset anytime I try to impose boundaries.

I should also say that I am grateful to have loving parents but would prefer distance. Any tips or BTDT stories?