Would this happen to be Alpha-One lung disease by any chance? If so, definitely get dh tested!

Anonymous wrote:Speak your mind and wait. Eventually, something bad will happen and that will be a wake-up call, but they won't turn to you for help if you haven't respected their boundaries and autonomy.

When something happens, do your best not to bail them out. They need to experience the consequences for themselves in order to make better choices.

You might also want to go to Al-Anon to get support when the s**t hits the fan and you feel pressure to bail them out.

Let the old drunk fucker die horribly with no regrets if he's too stupid to get help and his family is a bunch of enablers. You're lucky he lives far away. Your husband is part of the problem, sounds like you've got your hands full.

Speak your mind and wait. Eventually, something bad will happen and that will be a wake-up call, but they won't turn to you for help if you haven't respected their boundaries and autonomy.

When something happens, do your best not to bail them out. They need to experience the consequences for themselves in order to make better choices.

I think you can speak your piece once about how this condition is life-threatening but responds well to treatment, so it's important for FIL to comply, but after that, there's just nothing you can do to make an adult man do something he doesn't want to do. No need to make everyone else panic and freak out when there's nothing they can do, either.

Can you reframe it in terms of something FIL cares about, since he doesn't seem to care about his own health? How about time with grand children or the impact to their net wealth?

Let it play out. Speak your piece to your DH, and that's all you can do. If he is of sound mind, he gets to make his own decisions-- despite the negative consequences for himself and others. Don't take this onto your own shoulders. He is an adult and can make his own decisions.

And as you said, it won't make a difference anyway.

Added issue is that we live 1000 miles away and can't really sit down to talk with them any time soon.

My FIL has just been diagnosed with a chronic, life threatening condition that responds very well to treatment and intervention.

The problem is despite the follow up appointments being made for treatment being made, he has refused to go.

I'm a former RN, and I know the hazards with this condition, but I also know it's unlikely my FIL will comply with treatment until he reaches the point where he's in the hospital and the damage is done.

The kicker is that FIL also has an alcohol problem, which will exacerbate this condition, but it's the secret in the family that everyone seems to just turn a blind eye to. I also suspect it's part of the reason he isn't seeking treatment.

He's a hair trigger kind of man, and culturally, MIL and children defer to him.

I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I've gently explained the possible outcome to DH (while encouraging him to get tested as there is a hereditary component), but I also don't want to go scaring the heck out of everyone as it won't help get FIL to treatment (he really could give a flying fig). I don't want to put unnecessary strain and worry on MIL, who will fret and still won't be able to get FIL to treatment. But ethically, I'm bothered that I know this could be ultimately fatal if left untreated (not immediately, but chronically).

So DCUM, what would you do? Let it play out or ring the alarms? I don't expect wither way will get him to treatment, but at least then MIL would know the actual outcomes (I know he would never let her into the appointments, and she's unlikely to research the condition on her own).