Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - not sure why some of my post got deleted.

Thx for the advice. I'm only trying to help her out. Not wreck her marriage, make her pick between me or her hubby. I just want to see her being respected like she should be

Why don't you try to set a good example for your sister by at least getting engaged.to your partner to show her that you actually have some self respect? It's implied that your BIL was very unhappy he was forced to put up with company. It can't be you since he knkws you. What exactly is your boyfriend like and why can't he afford to pay for a hotel for your birthday?

This makes no sense. Why do I have to get engaged to travel with my boyfriend? I'm never getting married again. A piece of paper and a ring can't make a person treat another with respect. I learned that in my own marriage. Self respect was walking away from that BS of a marriage, knowing that I deserve to be treat better.

I found out last night, this was the first time they had ever hosted a person to stay with them. They bought a pull out couch specifically to have people stay with them, however, now we know that the hubby hates people in his space. A bit crazy if you ask me since it was just for 1 night but whatever. Lesson learned. When I go back up in August with my daughter, we will leave her hubby at home and take the kids to the beach - a girls weekend, without the fear of upseting him. I guess he doesn't like to be a host.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - not sure why some of my post got deleted.

Thx for the advice. I'm only trying to help her out. Not wreck her marriage, make her pick between me or her hubby. I just want to see her being respected like she should be

Why don't you try to set a good example for your sister by at least getting engaged.to your partner to show her that you actually have some self respect? It's implied that your BIL was very unhappy he was forced to put up with company. It can't be you since he knkws you. What exactly is your boyfriend like and why can't he afford to pay for a hotel for your birthday?

I would feel the same way too, I would want to confront her husband as well.

Theoretically, it would be the right thing to do.

But DON'T!!! Doing so may anger him more and cause marital issues for your sister and things may progress to much much worse.

Stay out of it and continue being a great sister to your sis as well as an awesome Aunt to your niece.

Try to avoid spending any significant amount of time around her husband if you can.

I have one question/concern here: Could he be physically abusive toward her when you guys are not around??

Op here - not sure why some of my post got deleted.

Thx for the advice. I'm only trying to help her out. Not wreck her marriage, make her pick between me or her hubby. I just want to see her being respected like she should be

Anonymous wrote:What I would say to my sister is "My husband has been sleep-deprived and would never talk to anyone that way. You can make all the excuses in the world but it just sounds like you're defending a man who is at the very least, verbally abusive. I love you. If you EVER want to leave, whether it's middle of the night, or I'm at the airport leaving for my dream vacation or in the middle of defending my thesis, I WILL COME HELP YOU. Even if we don't have this talk again and six years from now you decide to leave, my offer stands forever. The way he spoke to you is not okay, and if you ever want to get away I will drop my life to come help you and your DD."

And then I wouldn't bring it up again.

Thank you. I will say this tonight and leave it alone and that she can call me anytime if she needs to vent.

What was it like growing up, OP?

Hey 4:45 - let me clarify. She is my twin sister, has been married for 5 years, moved to Boston a month and a half ago. We went up to cekebrate our bdays together. Me and my man stayed one night and got a hotel for the second. My man and I are both divorced and are parents ourselves. My sister wanted us to stay there and check out their neighborhood etc. didn't think it was a big deal. We didn't eat any of their good except for coffee, and we took their child to the park with my sister while he took a nap. After the nap he was still a complete jerk.

I am not trying to break up their marriage - however that bs I witnessed is very familiar to me. My ex was emotionally anusive and after 10 years of a shit marriage I walked out. The key here is for my sister and her hubby to communicate. Right now it's just one sided.

And I know, the hardest part is to keep a smile in your face for your kid, meanwhile feeling anguish inside because of how the hubby treats you. She's hanging in a thread - I could see it. She wanted us to stay longer and told me that she felt anxious going back into the apt because of what he said.

So yeah - I care about my sister and want her to be respected. She changed everything for his new job - he should be a lot more caring than he is. Bottom line!

What I would say to my sister is "My husband has been sleep-deprived and would never talk to anyone that way. You can make all the excuses in the world but it just sounds like you're defending a man who is at the very least, verbally abusive. I love you. If you EVER want to leave, whether it's middle of the night, or I'm at the airport leaving for my dream vacation or in the middle of defending my thesis, I WILL COME HELP YOU. Even if we don't have this talk again and six years from now you decide to leave, my offer stands forever. The way he spoke to you is not okay, and if you ever want to get away I will drop my life to come help you and your DD."

And then I wouldn't bring it up again.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. Give her materials about domestic violence, how to recognize it, what to do when it happens. Call frequently...don't let him shut her off to the world. Let her know if she has to drive away in the middle of the night, she is welcome with you.

This is excellent advice.

Sorry to hear that is happening with your sister and her family. It was good that you were able to see it and I agree with the others - stay in contact with her and ask her lots of questions. Hopefully it's not emotional or physical abuse, but if it is, it is usually really hard for the victim to seek help or even tell anyone about it. Here's an article that you might want to share with her as long as her husband doesn't check her email...gosh praying for her.

http://bit.ly/1JKgi7m

mommato2lilmonkeys

Yep only thing is my sister isn't feeling heard and them add his crazy comment and she melted talking divorce etc.

She's in town tonight and I will see her so I'll get more details then. Either way - she told me she does feel he's being emotionally abusive and I witnessed that crap. Tough to watch!!! She told me she was embarrassed that me and my dude had to see that and felt like we were not welcome in their home.

It's like her hubby forgot that there are 2 adults in that apt. Not just him!

sounds like they are having problems and you may have caught them when they were fighting(maybe that's why he got no sleep the night before). At least they are communicating clearly.

Agree with PP. Give her materials about domestic violence, how to recognize it, what to do when it happens. Call frequently...don't let him shut her off to the world. Let her know if she has to drive away in the middle of the night, she is welcome with you.

Don't confront. That won't help, and will probably make things worse. You'll help her by looking into local resources for domestic abuse victims and sharing that information with her. Sorry, I can only imagine how painful and upsetting this situation is for you and for your sister.

My sister moved to Boston with her husband and 3 1/2 daughter. She's now working from home - which I think is ok but she's not meeting anyone to be friends with.

Me and my man went to visit this past weekend for our bday and OMG - her husband was so damn rude! He knew we were coming and staying with them for just 1 night. In my sisters eyes she said he didn't get enough sleep so he gets that way but shit, the next day you could cut the tension with a knife! Me and my dude helped her out with her daughter, entertaining her, went to the park with my sister and her daughter etc. We came back and her hubby was still a jerk! Turns out at some point, my sister suggested that he take a walk or a nap so he can feel a bit better and he cornered her in the bathroom and said "Don't you tell me what I should do in my own home!"

WTF? Lack of sleep doesn't give that a pass. Pisses me off.

I know I can't get in the middle but I want to support my sister. I hate hearing that he's being a jerk to her and that she's stuck in Boston with no other support.

Thoughts? I feel like confronting him and sticking up for my sister