To those not having sex with spouse: life is too short for forced celibacy. Have an affair.

I haven't had sex with my spouse in three years.

The only thing keeping me in the marriage is I don't wish to lose daily access to my kids and fear of the financial disaster divorce would be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?

In my marriage... The passion only come from me the DH. My DW never was the first to do anything towards me. Kiss, hug, and etc. when I got tired of being rejected for sex... I stopped and it all stopped.

I made a point to talk to her about it and she tried to hug me. But there was nothing in the hug... No warmth... No nothing. It felt like she was hugging a family member that she didn't know or care about. Not someOne that she actually had sex with and multiple kids... It was warm affectionate hung for child #1... Warm affectionate hung for child #2.... The. Awkward lifeless loose embrace for me.

I have come to the realization that my DW never had any true pure passion for me. Unfortunately it took me over 20 years to realize this...

Another DH in the same situation, 18 years. There have been little peaks and valleys, we'll talk about it, it often turns into a fight, things get better for a week or two, then go back to zero passion/intimacy for a month or two. She's said that she needs more flirting and contact outside the bedroom, that sex-on-demand doesn't work. So I've made a point of hugging, kissing, holding hands, complimenting, etc- basically different degrees of showing interest, sometimes overt and other times subtle- but usually she's too ticklish for me to give her a back rub and she doesn't want to do more than a tepid hug and peck on the cheek with the kids around.

The last time I showed affection was Memorial Day weekend. I made several overtures on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Each one was rebuffed. So its been two weeks since I last showed any affection to her- she has not made any effort either. We haven't had sex in 5 weeks and I don't see that changing any time soon.

My marriage is completely unsatisfying and I don't think she has a problem with it at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?

In my marriage... The passion only come from me the DH. My DW never was the first to do anything towards me. Kiss, hug, and etc. when I got tired of being rejected for sex... I stopped and it all stopped.

I made a point to talk to her about it and she tried to hug me. But there was nothing in the hug... No warmth... No nothing. It felt like she was hugging a family member that she didn't know or care about. Not someOne that she actually had sex with and multiple kids... It was warm affectionate hung for child #1... Warm affectionate hung for child #2.... The. Awkward lifeless loose embrace for me.

I have come to the realization that my DW never had any true pure passion for me. Unfortunately it took me over 20 years to realize this...

Damn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?

OP what I think you meant to say was "I" never kiss flirt etc. with my husband.

Another wife blaming her passivity on the husband. Yet I'll bet you think of yourself as a feminist.

Take your misogyny somewhere else. Also, learn how to read. See the letter "I" in the OP's sentence? The sentence that you quoted? Clue: It's the 4th word in the sentence. See it? Good. Go back to your MRA site now. Ciao.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?

In my marriage... The passion only come from me the DH. My DW never was the first to do anything towards me. Kiss, hug, and etc. when I got tired of being rejected for sex... I stopped and it all stopped.

I made a point to talk to her about it and she tried to hug me. But there was nothing in the hug... No warmth... No nothing. It felt like she was hugging a family member that she didn't know or care about. Not someOne that she actually had sex with and multiple kids... It was warm affectionate hung for child #1... Warm affectionate hung for child #2.... The. Awkward lifeless loose embrace for me.

I have come to the realization that my DW never had any true pure passion for me. Unfortunately it took me over 20 years to realize this...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?

OP what I think you meant to say was "I" never kiss flirt etc. with my husband.

Another wife blaming her passivity on the husband. Yet I'll bet you think of yourself as a feminist.

?? Confused

Talk! Communicate!

How else will it get better?

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?

OP what I think you meant to say was "I" never kiss flirt etc. with my husband.

Another wife blaming her passivity on the husband. Yet I'll bet you think of yourself as a feminist.

There is a book called Passionate Marriage.
You could both read it and talk about it.
I would talk about it!
But keep it positive...not "we don't do XY and Z" but "i really miss XY and Z and want to talk about we can make things hot again."

Even when my parents were "fighting" they would always kiss each other goodbye and hello. I am in the same habit with my DH. If I pick up in the care, when he gets in the car, I say, "Can I give you a kiss hello?"

Good communication is vital in ANY relationship you have in your life. Whether that be a romantic one, or a business one...It is very important to feel comfortable communicating w/the one you share your relationship with.

So that being said, by all means, discuss this issue w/your husband & let him know you miss the passion. While it may never go back to that wonderful "honeymoon" -phase of the first time you met, if the love is still felt...Then the passion can re-ignite. It's just that now it may take more effort than it did in the beginning of your courtship.

When you discuss this w/your hubby, make it about "us" vs. "him." That way, no hard feelings will exist.

Good luck to both of you.

We talked about it. Both times it was because of health problems. Talk about it when you're not in bed and there's no chance for sex right that moment.

Your H can't read your mind. I would not say "you XYZ" or "you don't XYZ"... basically avoid you statements.

But you can say, I like when we hold hands, I like when we cuddle on the couch, I like to kiss goodbye everyday and kiss when we get home from work... or whatever it is that you like.

Also, do you have a "date" every week?

My husband and I never really kiss, flirt, etc. sex life not too good lately - do we talk about this or does that make it worse?